Hey Hey Hey....Goodbye

Many other things to post about, but of most importance is the fact that I MOVED AWAY FROM THE CHINESE TODAY!

Matt and Megan flaked out, so I hate both of them (kidding, I love Matty), so Dan and I drove up in the rain after a long night of boozing and an early morning. Lots of stuff to move, but I am 100% out of there and it feels amazing.

Best moment was when someone stopped by this afternoon and asked if I was there and Least English Speaking said "I don't think so, her stuff is all gone?". I love it.

Also, I love Dan for being spiteful enough to take the roll of toilet paper from the bathroom and be loud and funny about how awful the Chinese are, even though they were in the house. You go Glenn Coco! He was absolutely worth the $23 Pizza Hut breakfast/lunch/dinner we shared today at 2:40 pm.

Fear not everyone, I am sure there will be lots of stories about the new roomates, it may just involve more normal complaints and less mystery food.

Also

My dad just walked by and said, "Oh, so is that what your blog is called". FML.

Dad, you better not be reading this. I will burn your Christmas presents. Fo realz.♦

Oh what an exhausting weekend

Packed up my stuff for skiing, 2 weeks in CT, and all the stuff that won't fit in my new smaller bedroom and headed to VT.

Spent the first night buying everything imaginable to go skiing and just relaxing with the parents. Which was good, because I was exhausted (though the sun shines through at 7 am in the morning in the condo, so it wasn't a sleep-filled weekend).

Saturday morning, two of my friends came down from Dartmouth. One of my friends snowboards so we hit the slopes for the day while my other friend hung around the house, then we came back and went sledding, then hit the hot tubs, cooked dinner and ate with my parents, and then played Clue while slightly drunk. Fun day, but exhausting, especially since (a) HOLY FUCK IT'S COLD IN NEW ENGLAND OMG, (b) the snowboarding friend sort of sucked, so I had to go really slowly and keep checking on him and think about which trails to take that he could handle, and (c) the friend who stayed home was bored and needed to be played with after we had spent the day on the slopes.

Next morning, we all got up and my friend said her back hurt and asked that we call an ambulance. We ended up heading to a clinic, then I road along in an ambulance and we spent the day in the Emergency Room while she was hoped up on serious pain meds. Sort of amusing, but not really a relaxing day. Also, she isn't from America and has never been sick - so the concept of insurance cards, American healthcare, social security numbers, and IV's was all sort of new and strange.

We got home and my friend was fine and they headed back to Hanover, at which point my mom freaked out on me and my dad because of how messy the house was (we didn't get to clean up because we were at the hospital). I finally talked her down and we drank wine and watched many episodes of 30 Rock.

And then today. Had to wake up early and hit the slopes with the parents. Also unacceptably cold. Got back, had to pack the car and clean the condo top to bottom because my brother was having some mystery girl come up and we couldn't get the cleaners to come. So, we scrambled to do that, had to go get my boots fixed, then drove back to CT to find that the water pump in the basement was broken. Shoveled the driveway, cooked dinner, helped my dad fix the water pump.....and now I'm so tired.

So why catch up on the blog instead of sleep? I have no idea.

Also, I'm going to give Kirstin a shout-out because we finally got to catch up tonight, and I found out she actually reads this.

Anyway, the week is shaping up to be fun, lots of family and friends and food. Excited! Must get away from the gloom of Hanover.

Updates for the sake of updates

1. The can of meat product in the fridge has been half-consumed since I posted. Ewl.

2. New gross candidate - there is a dark purple/black solidified gelatin thing in the fridge that smells disgustingly sweet. I noticed that I could smell it in my water that lives in the Brita pitcher. Double ewl.

3. I keep seeing The Hispanic at the gym, which is fine. We have polite enough conversation. He sent me a totally random email last night asking "have you thought about reading Kierkegaard" and included a profound quote or two. So very strange.

Not too much other news. Hanover is completely empty b/c by this point all the undergraduates and graduate students are gone. I am planning to go skiing in VT this weekend with two Hanover friends and perhaps a Cheshire friend. And the parents. Lots of good family time coming up.

Alright, off to show my adviser my latest creation and be told how stupid it is.

1000+ views!

Also, I just noticed that the little counter says we are over 1,000 views. I know it's all from the same 6 people, but it's still exciting!

The Hispanic & The Asians

Update and Musings

I was at the gym Monday looking for an open machine, and someone pulls on my arm. It's The Hispanic! He said he just got my voicemail from Sunday morning today, and when I mentioned something about the service on Sunday he seemed genuinely surprised and had not realized I was there. I'm not sure I bought all that, I pretty much just nodded and said okay, well cool, maybe I'll see you there sometime and walked away. Cordial, but I'm just over his flaky/strange behaviors.

The Asians. It's actually been amazing because one left for break a week ago, one is never around, and the other does the least amount of cooking at our house. Awesome. I had my friend over Sunday night - my door was closed and so was my roomates, but you could hear them talking. My Romanian friend said "Is that really how they always talk? That strange high-pitched giggly sounding talk? That can't be real?" Ah, from the mouth of babes.

Also, I meant to snap a picture but I've been too lazy. New scariest food item in the fridge: it's a can of meat that sort of looks like spam but is grosser. The label is in Chinese, but the can was cut open around the middle and put back in the fridge. Basically, there is a tin can filled with meat oozing out of it in the fridge. I am so happy I won't be living there in a week.

I got stood up on a date to attend Church

Heh...silly right?

So The Hispanic had emailed me Friday about church on Sunday (call at 9:30 and we'll meet up). I stressed out all morning about waking up on time, got up and called him at 9:30, and it went right to voicemail I left him a message and decided to go to church anyway. I saw him come in about 5 minutes after me and sat in a row behind me. There is no way he didn't see me during communion. I thought about saying hi after, but decided maybe I should just see if he calls me back or comes over himself. He didn't come over and he didn't call me yesterday.

That being said, I think I was kind of glad to do the church thing alone. The Episcopalian blend of Protestant and Catholic religions was fascinating but sort of baffling to me, and I think maybe I was happier to experience them without having to comment or act like I knew what was going on. Funny n0te: I chose not to take part in communion, and the woman next to me acted like I was Satan. It was funny.

Also, this weekend was the Mad Men theme party and it was such a good time. Got to dress up super pretty, drink fabulous Manhattan's all night, and eat hilarious 50's-inspired food. Great night. I also met this guy who is a post-doc here at Dartmouth - he is 32, single, and has braces...it makes me feel better about my situation because it's like..shit..at least I don't have braces. We also got to dance and bond and have fun. There were a few annoying moments when Korean Brendan was getting too close to my liking, but he backed off quickly enough.

Finally, other news, in my attempt to make a new and better me I went to my first session of counseling today. It was a really positive experience, and I feel like I can make some good progress on the idea of why am I so reticent to spend time by myself. Should be good stuff, and the therapist was very funny (and I think found me entirely amusing).

Okay, that's all for now. Oh, one more note, I am currently searching for a stimulus set to use in my smoking study and thought I would send a plea for suggestions to the masses. I need a movie or tv show that involves a lot of smoking (a lot!), but doesn't involve too much (a) drinking during the smoking, (b) eating during smoking, or (c) talking about negative effects of smoking. Any ideas?

The Hispanic, Korean Brendan, Babysmoker & Mr. Big - all in one night!

OMG! I must stop leaving my house on Thursday nights as it hasn't been ending well.

In brief, last night we went to play Trivia at a bar in West Lebanon, and afterwards we decided to head back to the Canoe Club to hang out with one of the speakers who had come in for a talk earlier (note: I had a BLAST with the speaker from Harvard and I am looking forward to working on things with him in the future). This seems so simple right!

Trivia was great. Canoe Club was a messy mess. Let's just go through the night by person.

Korean Brendan - he had been calling and texting me since 5:30 to come to Canoe Club and hang out. I told him I was going to come after Trivia. Around 10 the texts start coming in "are you coming?", "why aren't you here yet :(". Ugh. We show up and he is hovering all around me for the night, but since I am having really fun conversations with a lot of people, he eventually starts sulking in the corner because I'm not paying him any attention. I try to pay my tab at the end and he's already paid for me. I try to walk home (it was nice out, I needed to think) and he is adamant about giving me a ride. I tell him "no, I really want to walk", and he says "oh you don't trust me to drive?". I say, "no, I really just want to walk home, but please drive safely" and he says "what do you care about me getting home safe"....and stomps away, like a baby. I get maybe 3 minutes into my walk and he's calling to make sure I'm okay. Ugh.

BabySmoker - actually, my interaction with him was fairly neutral. I was talking to one of his friends and he came back in from smoking, and we exchanged pleasantries, and it was fine. No smattering of emails this morning, so I think that's great.

The Hispanic - so The Hispanic comes in last night after I am well into drinking-town. I see him, we say hi, etc, and I pull him aside and I said something like "things seem really awkward after our last meeting and I want to know what's up". Don't worry, I said it far more adorably than that. We chatted for a bit but he denied things being awkward, said he was really tired that night, and at some point used the phrase "we're both adults", which I don't think can ever be a good sign. At the end, we chatted a bit about the "my cup is empty comment" and he is going to let me tag along with him to church on Sundays (this is actually something I would really like to do and I was not happy to loose my possible church buddy because of awkwardness). Overall, a strange interaction but fine.

Mr. Big - ugly messy yucky. He had called a bit earlier in the evening and we had talked civilly and played catch-up, which was awkward but nice. As soon as I had gotten off the phone with Korean Brendan on my walk home, Mr. Big called. This was probably about 1:30 am. This, obviously, turned into a crappy call. He was very mad, and I was just not in the place to deal with it. I think that is all I have to say about that for the time being.

Even with some ugly parts of the evening, I do feel like I am making some better friends and connections, and that was evident last night. One of the professors I was hoping to ask to be my secondary adviser had a great talk with me about the social life of Hanover/my adviser/the department, and I feel a lot more comfortable plopping down in her office when I need to chat. I also keep finding myself hanging out with the older crowd of the psych department, and I had worried that was looking sort of like that obnoxious girl who thinks she is cooler than she is. But, last night, they very drunkenly were like "OMG, we love! esp for the ridiculous open bluntness". So, I think that's a good thing.

Oh, on the note of bluntness, I can't tell if I should be keeping my celibacy vow more under-wraps. It keeps coming up in conversation, and maybe I should be more embarrassed about the whole thing, but I'm not? At some point last night, it was the topic of conversation of about 14 people at the bar, perhaps a bit more discretion? Is there any reason to be discrete about it?

Vow of Celibacy

I know.

To start, I write this blog for a variety of reasons. One, to keep my friends up-to-date on what I am doing. Two, to amuse my friends with ridiculous stories. Three, to sort out my own thoughts on the changes in my life. I debated not putting this up here, but it's something going on, so why keep secret a source of something that can be entirely amusing?

I have decided to actively attempt celibacy until my 26th birthday (so late March). I have really been thinking a lot about why I am in such a dark place, and I realized my preoccupation with getting laid has a lot to do with it. This makes sense, since every night I don't make progress with a guy or have sex I feel disappointed. I also realized that I have been approaching every interaction with a guy as basically (1) do I want to have sex with you and (2) do you want to have sex with me...and that just isn't right or normal or healthy. I guess it's like I was trying to push relationships with people that I wasn't even that interested in, instead of letting attraction happen organically.

I mean, really, I don't think that my pseudo-sexual addiction is any surprise to anyone reading this.

Having adopted this mentality on Sunday night, I can already say that it has made me feel a lot better. Last night I was hanging out with a couple guys, and I wasn't preoccupied with my normal thoughts of which of these guys might be interested in me. It was entirely liberating, and I left feeling happy just having had some social time. How freeing! Basically, I am going to spend the next few months making friends, getting my research going, and getting adjusted to Hanover, and then I can worry about finding a good guy.

I will say, I did build one loophole into my celibacy - I am allowed to sleep with anyone I have already slept with. That doesn't really help me up here (can you say Homecoming Indian), but ya know....it's always nice to think you have a loophole. Also, if we don't count that one guy, I haven't had sex in 3.5 months...so what's a few more?

...can't wait to see the emails that come from this post ;)

Are you having sex Middle-English Speaking?

Okay, for about a month I have listened to odd sounds coming from Middle-English Speaking's room (she is next to me) and I really can't tell if she is having sex with her hideous Asian boyfriend. I am so baffled that I might be at the point of asking. Hideous has a really deep voice but speaks very loudly...so I just hear these muffled baritone sounds coming from the room at all times. It all sort of sounds like panting, but it sounds equally like speaking. Sometimes it sounds like they are dropping stuff/banging stuff - but then I will hear "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch" coming loudly from her bedroom - and that doesn't seem right either? I am so incredibly confused, but I really wish they could die in a fire instead of slamming her bedroom door everytime he leaves at 1 am.

So excited to get out of here.

Oh also, there has been a plate in the fridge that has been growing for the past week, and I am not convinced it is food. It started as this horrible black plate filled with cooked-onion looking stuff, and each night it seems like more "stuff" has been added? Please note, it is not covered by plastic wrap or anything - it's just hanging out in the fridge collecting weird smells along with a mushy quality.

First Snow and Other Weekend Events

Saturday was the first snow of the year (of any significance) and it was amazingly pretty. Those big fluffy flakes that make everything look so wonderful. Even though my toe is still a mess, I had to get all geared up and take a walk in the snow around the pretty little lake by me. Wonderful. It's still pretty cold so I think this snow will stick around for a while.

Saturday night was the Ugly Sweater Party. I had a pretty amazing vest from KMart and it was a good time. Still got plenty of guff from Thursday night's disaster, but so be it - helps me learn lessons that much better. Only not awesome thing is that there is this guy I like (in the dept, I know, bad) and he shows absolutely no interest in me. Err...which is to say, no interest in me past being a friend. Part of me wants to just leak the information or confront him, but then I realized that asking a guy to like me who doesn't naturally might be even more pathetic than being lonely? I don't know, I will let the situation develop a bit more, just thoughts swirling around in my head.

Sunday was a fairly decent day as well. Got some necessary work done during the day and then went to our charity poker event that turned into watching football and being lazy (don't worry, we still raised money).

Oh, most amazing discovery ever. There is a show on the Fine Living Network called "Whatever, Martha", in which Martha Stewarts' daughter and her friend (and sometimes Martha) watch old episodes of her show and mock the shit out of Martha, each other, her guests, the kids on the show...everything. Leslie, this show has your name written all over it. Check out some clips here: http://www.tvsquad.com/2008/09/09/whatever-martha-looks-kind-of-mean-kind-of-hilarious-videos/.

The Tale of a Girl Named Shit Show

Wow. Just wow. Last night was a shit show. I would have written this up in the morning, but I was still drunk.

Last night was the Hanukkah Ball. I know that seems strange, but it's basically an awesome party with great music and an open bar, and a fun excuse to get all dressed up.

The party was super fun - I had such a good time dancing and drinking with the rest of the psych department people. It was also a hilarious mixing of all these men I have had strange interactions with.

Guy 1 - the event bartender. I walked up and he said "oh hi Sarah". I have no idea who he is. He claims we met at Canoe Club a bit ago? Sure?

Guy 2 - a bartender from the Canoe Club. It looks a lot like this other bartender I became friends with earlier this week, so I saw him and was like "oh hey new Facebook buddy, your girlfriend is super hot". Guy 2 smiled and sort of said something and then wandered away. I realized when he left that (a) he was not the other bartender and (b) I just made an ass out of myself. I went up later and explained it and we laughed about it.

Guy 3 (THE HISPANIC) - if there was any question about how he feels, last night answered it. We both saw each other, I had to go over and say hi. We said hello, exchanged the usual "how was your thanksgiving", and he walked away. What the fuck did I say to him that made him feel this way?

Guy 4 (THE PLAYA) - this is the med student who I liked but then went out to lunch with and realized not so much. Last night was the first time in my life I had to say to someone "please stop motorboating me". He would not leave me alone and was really creepy. My friend agreed that she never realized how creepy he was until last night.

So anyway, the part went until 11 and we kept drinking and dancing and having fun. And here is when it gets ugly.....

I have been feeling really sad all week. I think it was something like being home with the people who really care about me/understand me made me realize just how much I don't have that in Hanover. Also, I hadn't spoken to Mr. Big (I know, I know) in a while and was really feeling alone for the first time ever. I had said ahead of time how nervous I was about drinking because I didn't want those emotions to come out. Oh right, that's exactly what happened.

Someone started talking about break-ups and stuff and I started to cry. Now granted, I was not "that girl" who is hysterically crying and making a scene, but I was crying. And I cried for much of the remainder of the night.

I probably should have gone home after the party, but instead we went out to Canoe Club. More drinking, more The Playa, more crying. I am told that we also did shots. I don't remember that.

The walk home was ugly. I took my shoes off, couldn't walk in a straight line, and fell over...a lot. At one point I was lying on my back on the ground, crying, and debating if I could just not get up and sleep there. I also called Mr. Big. Crying, hysterical, drunken phone call with all the sad emotions I have been feeling. Ugh. At some point I got home and I recall throwing up and then having to clean that up.

I found out this morning that my friend had come by looking for an apartment (at like 2 am, she was trying to find a place to crash) and saw me trying to get my door open and we talked for a bit and I showed her where her friend lived. I have absolutely no memory of this happening.

But girls and boys, what would a story from me be without some sort of physical damage as well? I don't know when or how, but I took a giant chunk out of my toe. Giant. It hurts so bad. I also didn't clean it last night, and when I woke up this morning it had semi-sealed with all the dirt inside. Watch for future posts on my infected toe!

So to summarize, last night was a disaster but I still had a great time. The party was fun, and more bonding with my friends will hopefully help take away the sadness. I also am much better friends with a really cool girl that I wanted to get to know better, and people were really nice to me and trying to cheer me up when I was sad, so that's worth something.

Also, though today was such a terrible struggle, I think everyone found the stories amusing and there was definitely a nice shared bonding experience. And let's be real, we all know that I am going to be that crazy girl in the department - so why not at least revel in it and laugh the next day.

You and Me Could Have a Bad Romance

Some of you have asked, so I thought I would address The Hispanic follow-up here and also throw in a Lady Gaga lyric to satisfy that urge.

I have not heard anything back from The Hispanic since our "cup is empty" meeting last week. That being said, we usually let a week or two pass between emails. Oh also, he is clearly scared/not interested/a freak...so I wouldn't be expecting another post re: The Hispanic in the near future. In fact, if you recall, I asked him to dinner a long ass time ago and he didn't really get back to me until he saw me all sexified out in my Halloween Costume.

The Housing Office Wants Me To Cry

I'm convinced. I emailed the housing people yesterday about how in the world I am going to arrange moving my stuff out before I have a place to move in. The housing people had some thoughts but were like - hey, there is another spot opening up on December 15th in a different (much better) building. Amazing! That would let me (a) not move into the smallest room in the world, (b) get all of my moving done at one time before I leave for break, and (c) get away from The Chinese in 2 weeks!

I emailed the three roomates and these are the two email responses I got from the girl who was moving out:

1) "I am the person who lives in appartment 24 B, and I don't want anyone to come and see my room while I am here. I told the housing people that I will be on academic leave for 1 term only and I will be back in the beginning of March. I did not know she will find someone to live in my room while I am on leave. But if it is like that I will pay for all the time I am not here, because I really don't want to lose this place. Appartment 8 A has a free room since September.

Sorry, but you cannot come here and look at my room."

2) "I was not aware the apartment was listed as vacant. I DO NOT want anyone other than my roommates living there for the month of December. Please do not show the unit. Is is not vacant."

Wow - a simple "no, I am only gone until March" would have sufficed. Fuck you housing people for not having a basic understanding of who is going where and for getting my hopes up just to be dashed all over again.