You are NOT ready for this post

I would like to preface this post with a note that some of you have accused me of exaggerating the people I meet and making them out to be a little stranger than they really are. The events described below are 100% accurate and are not even a complete enough portrait of what happened last night.

KP and I were chatting during the day and decided that it would be nice to cook dinner before we went out to the bar. I like to cook, and had not cooked for a crowd in a while, so we invited about 6 people. The plan was for me to make dinner, everyone would have some drinks, and then we would head out to the bar.

All of us were sitting around drinking in the living room, I was bopping around preparing stuff for dinner, and Psycho Roomate comes home. She comes into the living room and begins interrogating every single one of them (including me) about every detail of their lives. Where did you go to school? What are you studying? Why are you studying that? Where do you live? Where are your from?

In between each of our answers she interjects one of the Fun Facts that I check off the Psycho Roomate checklist when she meets my friends (she went to Vassar, she is from Florida, she is into film, etc.). Seriously, if my friend says that she grew up in Dublin Texas, Psycho Roomate says "oh of course, cuz I'm from Pensacola". Because they are practically next to each other? What?

Okay, so this is fairly standard Psycho Roomate behavior, that's fine.

At some point I am pulling out finished food products and Psycho Roomate creepily stands next to me saying "Isn't she so good at cooking? She's going to be such a good wife! She's like Martha Stewart! But I also have skills, but not cooking, I'm a performer."

One of my friends makes the sarcastic comment "well then, maybe you should perform for us....."

Psycho Roomate runs into her bedroom, pulls out her Bose stereo system, plugs in her Ipod, RIPS off her sweatshirt so she is wearing sweatpants and a tank top and no bra (she's tiny, but it's still obvious she's not wearing a bra), and the shit show begins.

She literally moves into the center of my groups of friends and begins singing along (Lady Gaga perhaps?)and dancing like a stripper. No really, she is grinding and dropping booty and goes over to one of my female friends and begins giving her a lap dance. Nobody is able to say anything or close their mouths because her behavior was so shocking and so socially ridiculous - so everyone just sat there, scared to move, scared to speak, hoping it would end.

I don't know if reading this can really do it justice, but maybe try to imagine going over someone's house, everyone is sitting around joking and drinking, and a leprechaun jumps out of the basement and starts thrusting and grinding in the middle of the room, and continues doing this despite the fact that nobody is encouraging it and most people are uncomfortably looking away.

So eventually this awful singing and dancing ends when I announce "it's dinner time, let's all eat." We all grab some food and Psycho Roomate goes back into her room (don't worry, she comes back out to eat with us and continues the rapid-fire question and answer session with everyone). She went back into her room after dinner, but her Ipod was still playing.

At some point, a song came on that she must have really liked because she opens her door, races out, turns the volume up full blast, and begins dancing again. Someone awkwardly makes the joke "gosh, all you are missing is a feather boa...". No worries, she runs into her room and pulls out a bright pink feather boa, and then continues to seduce the carpet under her and the leg of my female friend.

Again, she runs out of steam and goes back in her room, we all stare at each other but know we can't say anything about what happened because Psycho Roomate is likely leaning against her door listening. How do I know she was doing this? Because my friend made a joke about "making it rain on dees hoes" and she races out to put that song on and proceeds to bend over in the kitchen and bob her ass up and down to the music for 3 minutes. If anyone has seen the South Park episode with the Hooters bar "Raisins", you will completely get the mental image I need you to have.

I also know this because I would be speaking in a low voice about something and she would find some way to work that fact into conversation latter in the night.

The rest of the evening continued like this. We would try to get over the traumatic event and then she would run out and say something like "OMG I love Britney and Paris Hilton, I have pictures of them all over the back of my door, you should totally come into my room and look because it's amazing." I think at this point I actually answered her with "I think that might be the creepiest thing I have heard in a while". No amount of sarcasm or looks of terror from my friends deterred her from the crazy.

It was also the situation where she would say something absolutely ridiculous and then say "you guys probably all think I am so totally weird right?", and nobody could even answer her or make eye contact.

After basically changing in front of us and having a 10 minute monologue about whether or not she should put on make-up tonight, she finally left.

I highly doubt any of my friends will be returning, but at least the experience far exceeded what any of them could have imagined what I meant when I said "I have a roomate and she is a psychopath."

Also on the negative side, I think it is probably more and more likely that I will wake up one night and find her standing over my bed watching me sleep. I wish I was joking.

The rest of Saturday night was uneventful. What could possibly top going to someone's house for a lovely chicken dinner and being subjected to bad singing and amateur stripping?

Friday night had just been cooking dinner and boozing with the same group of friends, and Sunday had just been working and softball practice (I actually can hit a ball now!).

After last night, someone has made the observation "I wonder if crazy is contagious, and you're immune but a carrier. Like Typhoid Mary."

Thanks Hanover!