Mid Weekend Post

Since this is a long weekend, and a bunch has already happened (and I am letting some of my brain imaging scripts run and can't do much else) I thought I would do an update.

Friday:
I was so exhausted Friday from not sleeping the night before, so I was pretty pumped when my friend invited me to come to her new place and try out her new grill. Low key night, some good steak, early bedtime...happy camper. I get there at 7:30, she realizes her steak has gone bad, so we drive to get more. On the way, someone calls and she needs to go pick something up. We get back at 8:15 and my friend shows me the grill....still in the box. Okay. So we assemble the grill, and I will admit that dinner was entirely delicious and worth it. Good night.

Saturday:
I got up early to prep for my blind lunch date, and I was sooo super excited and nervous. I drove up and walked into the brewery and....I was a little underwhelmed. It's not that his picture wasn't accurate, he just....looked a little more "ho hum" than the picture had portrayed. This is why I shall name him Mr. Ho Hum. His demeanor matched his appearance in that he was totally fine, super nice, but just....ho hum. He also seemed to have no real drive in life, or passion. He was sort of soft spoken and wasn't very excited about anything. He grew up in New Hampshire, went to the University of New Hampshire and studied electrical engineering, now he works for a utility company solving power line related issues, and he just bought a house down the street from his parents, still in New Hampshire. He also is 28, so most of his friends are married and having kids, and you can just tell that he is wanting to do that and start his happy little life in New Hampshire and have crazy stories about building pontoon boats for the 4th of July.

Now all that being said, he was such a nice guy. He wouldn't let me pay for my part of lunch. We went to a lake after lunch (in two cars) and he paid for my car at the gate, and then we spent the afternoon on swings and walking along the beach. I had told him I would buy him ice cream to make up for lunch, and I was totally ready to do it, and we get to the counter and they only take cash...so he paid again and thought it was adorable how upset I was that I couldn't pay.

So overall, a super nice guy, but also a boring guy. In so many ways he reminds me of Brendan and the life I already decided "no thanks" to. Part of me thinks I should give him another chance, but I just can't imagine that nice is going to make up for being ho hum and boring. He's also an hour away from me, so it's not like it would even be convenient to date Mr. Ho Hum.

After the date, I headed home and got ready for my friends birthday party bbq. It was actually cute, because his family was there and we were all boozing and having a really great time. I also sort of appreciated that his sister sent him a text after they left saying "you should marry that one, she is awesome". This is the friend who I had wanted to date for a really long time but eventually realized it would be no good. But ya know..that validation is still nice. Like, see, your sister thinks we'd be a good match....you're missing out buddy.

Party was great, we were playing Beirut and I got a text from New Boy saying he was finishing up at work and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. Maybe I was drunk (no maybe), maybe I was dealing with the disappointments of so many lame dates this week (no maybe), but I told him to come by the party. I think I also knew that it was late enough and I was drunk enough that he could probably arrive, we'd stay 30 minutes, and then I could take him home and have adequate sex with a person I at least find sexually attractive. I would get the sex and not have to deal with his awkwardness. Done.

And in fact, that sex was decent and it was a nice little evening.

So overall, I am doing everything I can not to get completely discouraged with the man situation and not let this set me back on my attempt to get over Mr. Big. I must get down to D.C. this summer, and I just don't know that I can do that if I am still so totally in love with Mr. Big. Must....stay....strong. Must...get....over...him.

Okay, scripts are almost done running and I've got another bbq this afternoon that I must prepare for.

Blogging For Mental Health Reasons

So....today was a very bad mix of hormone-related psychotic behavior, stress from work, and general ruminations culminating in me being a crazy person.

I am basically going to use this space to ramble about things bothering me, my possible solutions, and things I am excited about. Feel free to not read, I'm more writing to release.

1. Fucking Birth Control - whatever I am on is making me a goddamn shit show. I am switching off it at the end of next week, but for now I must struggle through. The main problem is that I am having the experience where I absolutely know that my thoughts are illogical, insane, not based on reason, and there is no reason I should feel any of the emotions I am experiencing. I know these things, but it doesn't stop the emotions. I hate being a woman. I would say I am better because I recognize that they are ridiculous thoughts...but..that's..probably not right.

2. Condo buying stress. My real estate agent kept calling to be like "where are you in the process". I kept thinking "Back the f off Sandra". Turns out there was good reason...all my paperwork is due by next Friday. Woops. I scrambled this morning to get everything in. That of course, makes me reflect back on my nightly panic attacks about (a) living alone and (b) moving away from campus. It seems like, all of my friends who lived about as far from campus as I am moving this year, are all flocking to move onto campus. A bad sign that they learned a lesson I am going to be stuck learning for the next 4 years? Yuck.

My friend told me we can plan weekly dinner dates so that I don't worry about being lonely, and that surprisingly made me feel better. My mom (bless her heart) tried to convince me that I will love living alone for the reason that I will enjoy and need to have alone space for time with my boyfriend. Thanks Mom. I told her about my date with Cute Pharmacist - she took back that comment. And giggled at his ridiculous "that's what she said" comments.

Also, in perfect bad timing, I was out to dinner with my friend today, and she told me that she is moving in with KP for next year. I sort of had a Superbad moment for a second and freaked out a little. Like, I 100% know that I don't want to live with my best friend, I also am buying a condo so it's not like I could even live there, but I guess I just felt like with me moving out of her lab, and the two of them spending all the time together, would she forget about me? The obvious answer is no, but hormonal me can't stop the thoughts. Luckily, I was talked off the ledge.

(P.S. I know you read this KP - just...don't worry about it)

3. I'm super excited about a date on Saturday! I don't have a nickname for him yet, and I'm sure that this will result in more terrible stories and not a satisfying encounter with a man, but I can dream right? Anyway, he's very cute and extremely tall. He lives sort of far away (about 1 hour drive), but he seems really smart and sweet, very funny, and has a lot of good ideas. For example, most first emails from guys on this dating website are retarded (as you may have noticed) but he was very clever and told me he would like to guess my personality based on my favorite beer. He was spot on, and it was very cute, and a great way to start a conversation. Also, he came up with a really cute first date idea, I had to shoot it down (which made me feel like a bitch), and then he came up with a 2nd awesome date idea. I'm excited. We are going to have lunch at a local brewery and then head over to a really beautiful lake and get some ice cream. I shall report back, as always.

4. Speaking of men. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? I thought I understood men, I realize I understand nothing. In purely hilarious timing, all 3 of the guys who I highlighted in my "Classic Dating Website Emails" post emailed me yesterday to see if I was "still" interested. Seriously? Two of them I ignored, and one got a super bitchy reply. Funny enough, he did not understand my 5 emails telling him I wasn't interested in a nice way, but once I pull out the bitch he gets insulted. FUCK YOU.

Also, guess who gchats me the morning after date with Cute Pharmacist? New Boy (the waiter from the Irish Pub who walked in on my date a few weeks ago and had a hissy fit). Oh wait, scratch that, both Cute Pharmacist and New Boy gchatted me within 20 minutes to make plans for sometime this weekend. Am I missing something? I have not spoken to New Boy since..well, I guess since I fucked him about a month ago. And Cute Pharmacist - take the hint?

5. Brain Stuff Sucks My Ass. Dude, grad school is hard. Brain stuff is hard. Deadlines give me panic attacks. Somehow, I need to pull out an amazing presentation for June 9th based on the 100000000000's of pieces of data we collected. Oh but wait, this talk can't be out fMRI data, it can only be about behavioral results. Well that's perfect. I am busting my ass to analyze my first set of brain data by June 15th to submit an abstract, and I can't even use that information for this talk. Maybe I should just go fuck myself.

6. I am ambivalent regarding my current TA position. To be clear, ambivalence means that a person feels 2 opposing emotions to an equally strong degree (seriously, bitches, look it up). My students are literally causing my blood pressure to increase with every single interaction we have. They had to give poster presentations of the experiments they ran this term, and they have had weeks to meet with me and talk about analyzing their data. Two of my three groups are fucking rock stars. I got to give them all very good grades, really positive feedback, and most of them responded with something like "you are the best TA and we love you". Actually, even better, my one social loafer I basically get to fail because he sucks. That makes me happy. "Two of three groups you say, what about the other group?" OMFG!!!

This is special needs group that is not and has not been able to function all term. They decide to email me at 9 pm the night before this is due with the worst piece of scientific writing I have ever read. I wrote better lab papers as a sophomore in high school. We are emailing changes back and forth all night, and then the other group members tell me they are doing their own poster (not allowed) and that their group had a big fight. I don't give a fuck. We meet the next morning, more drama, their time to present comes at 1:15 and they bring in a poster that is basically drawn in crayon. I cringe. I send them home and tell them we'll do it tomorrow, and that I hate all of them (okay, not really). So we meet today, and they actually all did a really great job and had a great poster. I think, for the first time, I was actually too tired to be vindictive. I didn't take off any points for them being a day late, and I sort of hate myself for loosing my normal fire about punishing stupid people. Sigh, I guess there is always time to be vindictive. I also suppose that just grading them more easily will likely make things easier for me in general.

Okay, wow, this has been a long post. I'm cutting myself off. Know that my plans for this upcoming weekend are 99% having fun, so hopefully when I blog next I will be sane, coherent, and not likely to scare small children.

Disappointment, Thy Name is Hanover

Ugh, just got back from a blind date with a guy I have been SO EXCITED ABOUT for the last month. Actually no, I got back at 8:30, bitched for a while, drank a beer, bitched some more, and now I'm ready to blog.

I'm not sure how much I wrote about him previously, so I will start fresh. His name is Cute Pharmacist. He was the first guy I messaged on the new dating website. When we first connected, he was just finishing up his PhD in pharmacology and preparing to move up this way to work as a clinical pharmacist at Dartmouth Hospital. He was cute, he was funny, he was normal-ish. We gchatted every night. He was great at conversation and sometimes we would talk about super nerdy stuff (the interaction of Bupropion on dopamine agonist sites) and sometimes we would talk about super dirty stuff (whips and chains, nun-related porn). What could possibly be more perfect right? Super nerdy and super dirty = me.

Now, I probably should have seen some red flags. Below is an excerpt from a conversation we had:

Guy: so you get to do any celebrating yet or still holding off to the weekend?

Me: um...maybe Sat night? though I tend to be pretty spent after 14 hour scan days

Guy: I believe it

Me: but shit...next weekend I am going to go all out

Guy: pre-gaming during an mri could be interesting though

Me: i know others drink down there

Guy: jell-o shots in the tube?
you just want some pee pee
oops,
sorry that definitely wasn't for you

Me: i can forget it if you provide the context for who that was for

Guy: ha ha
anyway

Me: oh hell no
no anyway
thats too amazingly random to not ask about

Guy: ex-girlfriend wanting to see me this weekend

Me: yikes...you call that pee pee

Guy: um....
no....

Me: ....i am going to just let this memory burn out of my mind

Guy: yeah.... um....she's offering to help me move in but I definitely feel like she has some alliterative motives

hmmm... feel like I'm going to get blocked in the near future

Me: so I am going to assume that pee pee = dick, and be slightly less weirded out by this exchange

Guy: yup



So yeah, I know that all seems bad, but it is strangely a good sign that a guy is just getting out of a relationship. Yes it means he is rebounding, but it means that someone else found him desirable to be with. I won't go into the Liking Principle of Psychology, just trust me on this.

So after a particularly dirty conversation Saturday night, we were all set to meet up at my favorite Italian restaurant tonight. Actually, he had asked to come pick me up, which I think is very cute. So he shows up a bit late (15 minutes, not a huge deal I guess) and I get in. I admit it is strange to meet someone you have been chatting with for a month, but we seemed to get over that awkward hump pretty quickly. He was cute, but he looked a little younger than he did in his picture (which, would be hard, he looked pretty young). He is 28 though, I checked.

We're driving and conversation is going..okay. Not 100% naturally flowing, but it's okay. I keep telling myself he is just nervous, and that is why his voice is cracking (seriously) and he is doing awkward imitations of old people.

We get to the restaurant and I am super excited. We had chatted about our mutual love of food, especially local/organic food, so I was pumped to introduce him to this great restaurant. He made some joke about how his friends describe his eating habits as those of a 12 year old autistic boy. Ha? Nope, not a joke.

The waitress comes, I order a beer, he orders a club soda. I thought this was odd, since he said he drank, so I asked. He explained that he was driving, which I guess is an okay reason. He then goes on to explain that his favorite beer is Bud Light. I ask "but wait, you have an choice of any beer, what do you pick?" He says "Bud Light. I don't really drink unless I am going to get hammered. But I don't like the taste of alcohol anyway, so I just pound Bud Lights." How charmingly sophisticated.

They put down some really amazing fresh baked bread and a little dish of olive oil and spices. Super yummy, best part of the meal. I am eating and I see him picking at the bread. I ask if he doesn't eat olive oil. He says he has never tried it on bread. I suggest maybe he would like it (as I try to hide my shock and disgust), and he does give it a try, which I guess makes him a good sport?

For dinner, he ordered spaghetti and meatballs. Okay. That's fine. I ordered what basically amounts to a grownup version of that (pink sauce with wild boar and veil, onion and some other yummy spices) and asked if he would like to try it. He declined. Okay.

So I could likely overlook his ridiculous eating behavior, but the entire conversation was basically pretty awkward. He grew up in Western Massachusetts (shitty), went to Colgate for 2 years (cold and shitty), and then went to UConn for the next 4 years (shitty, also). He just doesn't have any real life experience or perspective for a 28 year old. Even the things he claims to be passionate about (like politics) he has no real opinion or enthusiasm about. His job, which he had described as pretty awesome (working as a clinical pharmacist in the oncology department, writing research articles, etc) is seeming more like he works like at a CVS pharmacy. He just hands out prescriptions. Boring boring boring.

The most egregious errors of the night come from his TERRIBLE attempt to steer the conversation in some sexual direction. A typical excerpt:

Waitress: Would you like some parmigiana cheese?
Him: That's what she said (and yes, he says this even though he doesn't watch The Office)!
Me: What?

Me: How is your spaghetti and meatballs?
Him: It's good. I guess I just like having balls in my mouth.
Me: What?

Me: I hate my current living situation, I basically live in a tiny, hot closet with crazy people. Actually no, I did live in a closet my freshman year of college and it was 100 times better:
Him: So I'm guessing every morning you got up someone made a joke about you coming out of the closet.
Me: (polite giggle) um..maybe? Probably would have worked better for a guy.

So the check FINALLY comes, he drives me home, and we are sitting in my parking lot area.

Him: Would you like to do something else tonight?
Me: Ummm....like what?
Him: I don't know the area that well. Maybe you have an idea? Or do you need to get some work done?
Me: (jumping on excuse) Oh yeah, I should probably get some work done. Crazy semester.... But maybe we can try to get together when you come back from CT.
Him: (stares awkwardly at me)
Him: Yeah sure, I'll let you know when I get back in Saturday.
Me: Okay, that sounds good.
Him: (stares awkwardly at me)
Me: (desperate to end this but not sure how to) So, are you going to kiss me or what?
Him: Can I? (ewl, just do it, NEVER ask)
Me: I lean in and kiss him.
**** The making out actually wasn't so terrible, I expected it to be much worse. He was a pretty passive kisser though, and his attempt to take some control and grab my head didn't really work since he didn't factor in the need to control my hair.***

So, I get out of the car, run inside. Bleck.

I am video-chatting my disillusionment to normal D.C. people and Cute Pharmacist gchats me. Dude, really? I just left you...

Him: Hey, I had a really great time tonight ;)
Me: Yeah, it was fun. Next time maybe I can ply you with alcohol...
Him: if you want to ditch the psycho room mate and get some AC for a bit your more than welcome to come grade papers and check out the apartment, I'm just hanging around tonight

...I didn't answer for a while and then said something about what a tempting offer AC was...and trailed off.

WHY ARE ALL THE GUYS AVAILABLE TO DATE SUCH FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENTS!!!!!!!!!

Is this me paying my dues for having a boyfriend (and um, sideboys) for so many years of my life????

Anyway, I still have a date lined up for sometime this weekend with another guy, but at this point I am expecting him to pet my hair and tell me I look "perrrty'.

Classic Dating Website Emails

I should be working, but I'm sort of spent from this week. As such, I am going to put up some of my favorite email exchanges from the new dating website. Now for the record, I am interested in about 5% of the emails I get. 90% of the other ones are probably very nice guys, so I respond to them nicely and am considerate to make sure I always send them at least something so they know I got their message. The last 5% though, I have NO patience.

Also, I am REALLY sad that I don't have the time/energy to include the profiles of these 3 gems.

*Message Exchange 1*

Guy 1: I'm in wilder like 5 mins from u if uwant to cum explore I'll be around till 4. Text me. NAME XXX XXX XXXX

Me: Has sending someone a message like that actually worked for you in the past? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I am legitimately curious if some girl has thought "gosh, I am free and do want to meet some guy named NAME without even seeing a picture".

Guy 1: Yes it has. They then ask to see one and I provide one. I grew up around here
so I don't need anyone I know seeing my pic on here and being a jerk to me offer still stands if ur interested

Me: Ya know what, I am impressed you are standing by that. I will let you know in the future if I find myself curious about the mysterious NAME

Guy 1: Well u want someone to show you a good time. Right? Well I can assure u
can't say no to my awesome body massages. What's ur email I'll forward a face pic if ud like

Me: Oh gosh, alright, I'll bite.

--------sends me picture, guy is not terribly attractive-----------

Guy 1: Just sent it cutie let me know what u think if I'm worthy of some fun

Me: You seem like a nice guy, but not really my type. Good luck!

Guy 1: I'm glad I am not your type. That means the type of guys u go for never works Out otherwise you wouldn't be single. I apologize for forgetting your age brackett.
Young enough to have the flame burning hot but not mature enough yet mentally to
put the flame on low and let great parts of life slowly get hotter it's ok though. I was there once too. Just for the record though last time I checked being nice was a good quality. And being a girls type just puts me in a class of other losers so in essence I guess with your response to me. I'd have To say sorry not my type either. Good luck back to ya.

Me: Yes, that response clearly highlights your advanced level of maturity.

Guy 1: Is that genuine sarcasm or did I hit nerve because it kind of sounded like you
took offense to the mental lack of maturity comment. I simply meant it's typical
for woman at that age to think a guy is nice but still be hung up on seeking
more then just a nice guy he has to fit a particular mold which is another way of
saying your ugly to me. You were rather intrigued until you say pic. Then I
wasn't your type. A classic superficial escape this situation comment. So if my
seemingly immature. Mature remark hurt your feelings I'll apologize but not for
the remark for the fact I mistook you for someone wanted chill and be shown
around and someones looks wouldn't of concern but there awesome
personality. I was wrong I am sorry for being a eye sore by social standards
and yours. I'll bug someone else with intriguing personality

*Message Exchange 2*

Guy 2: ur preaty

Me: After getting this message and reading your profile, I feel compelled to comment on your spelling of the word "pretty", unless I am indeed preaty, in which case, I don't know what that means.

Guy 2: Ok os I misspelled the word lol. Ur gorgeous. Is that better lol

*Message Exhange 3*

Guy 3: Hi Dear ! I'm NAME.I read you profile and I was very interested.Would you like to go for a walk sometime? Please check my profile too,thanks!

Me: Hi, You seem like a nice guy, but I think you are a little out of my age range. Thanks for the nice message though and I hope you have a great weekend.

Guy 3: Does age matter to you? if it does ! have a great weekend you too, Good Luck !

Me: Unfortunately, my last boyfriend of 5 years was 16 years older, and we just couldn't work through the age differences. So, I am trying to learn from the past. Good luck to you as well!

Guy 3: Hi Dear ! How are you today ? I got your reply and I guess I did not understand what you said about 5 years ? Was he older than you ? or you older than him ?

Me: Ha, my last boyfriend whom I dated for 5 years was 16 years older than me. Also, think about it, if I was 16 years older than my boyfriend that would make him....10 (as I'm 26). Yikes!

Guy 3: so he was 46 ? im not that old sweetie !

Me: 16 + 26 = 42 ;). Also, when we met, I was 21 and he was 37, which might not make anymore sense, but he didn't seem quite as old at that point. Anyway, so I still think 8 years is a bit much for me. You go find yourself a "sweetie" though.

Guy 3: Would you like to go out for a couple of drinks tonight ?

Guy 3: How are you prettie ?

WIN!!!!!

Okay so I didn't sleep at all last night, felt like vomiting all morning, dreadfully difficult physical therapy session - just in an awful state when I got up to her office.

So we sit down and start talking about some details of the stuff I am currently working on, and 52 minutes into our 60 minute meeting I am thinking "oh jeez, if she hasn't brought it up yet maybe that is a bad sign". So I finally said something like "can we talk about getting some feedback on how our working together has been going?" (and I get up and close the door).

She launches into this ego-boosting list of all the ways that I am the most fabulous person ever, and of course at this point I am just waiting for the BUT to get dropped (i.e. I would kill my first born to have you as a graduate student in my lab, BUT, I forgot I hate you).

....it never came though! After going through all these wonderful ways that I would be a great addition to her lab, she basically explained that she would love to have me join her full-time and really the decision had been up to me all along. Win!!!!

After that we had a really great talk about some of the other ideas I had for the future, and I got to explain how awesome it has been to work with her and how excited I was. I believe I actually said "I am so happy I could cry" and she said "Oh, me too!". Such a great and different experience to get positive feedback and be told that I am actually an asset as a graduate student (instead of being deemed the "black thumb of research").

She went and talked to Old Adviser (who I will still need to have in my life as he will likely be on my dissertation committee) and I got everything squared away with the Department Chair. So, as of July 1st, I am officially in this lab instead and New Adviser will be handling my yearly evaluation and everything going forward. I still need to meet with Old Adviser to talk about the transition, but I am pretty sure it will go something like:

Me: Hi
Old Adviser: Are you still here?
Me: No (as I run away skipping and giggling). :)

Such a relief. Now all I need to do is finish this term, do another 14 hour day of scanning Saturday, analyze my first fMRI study and prepare an abstract to submit by June 15th! For the first time I am actually feeling overwhelmed in a good way. I can do this.


.....and then I get to smoke a graham cracker box worth of pot with KP

Tomorrow's the Day!

I literally have written on my google calendar that from 11 - 12 pm I have "Big Scary Awful Vomit Meeting Don't Cry".

I'm SOOO nervous, which is likely why I am blogging / sending angry dating website responses instead of doing something productive (like, oh I don't know, some study idea proposals for the meeting tomorrow).

Part of me is at least allowing myself to imagine the relief that will come tomorrow if this new adviser says yes, but I am not letting myself really go there yet - too much potential fear.

Okay, so I'm going out to dinner, remembering to breath, and will take to the blog tomorrow post-meeting to let everyone know how things went.

Fingers crossed si vous plait!

I can't make this stuff up

I was walking through the North Park parking lot on the way to the gym this afternoon, and I saw Psycho Roomate walking towards me from some distance. She has headphones on and suddenly I realize she is SCREAMING Poker Face at the top of her lungs, but in that ridiculous voice when you are singing trashy music but trying to make it sound like classical opera. People are walking by, mouth open, clearly scared. I wave as we get a bit closer, she waves and continues screaming Poker Face. OMG.

I giggle and walk to the gym. When I get home, I walk by her bathroom and the door is about half open. She is sitting on the toilet. Pants down. Door half open. She makes no motion to get up and close it as I walk by (or when I walked by a second time to be like "No really, this can't actually be the case").

Where do these people come from?

The Weekend Update

This weekend was actually a fairly standard Hanover weekend.

Friday I rushed home to show some girl my apartment with the hopes she will sublet from me, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Then I went out to Salt Hill to watch the Bruins game (read: drink with friends, hockey is stupid) and just try to let the crazy of the week wash off me.

Saturday I was up at 6:30 am for another marathon scan day. This was a particularly scary day because my adviser was only doing the morning shift and leaving me to do the afternoon without her help. It went okay, one little crisis, but it went okay. I also broached the awkward subject of asking this adviser if we could meet this week to "talk about my current project, get some feedback, etc". I sort of wish I had been more direct (i.e. can I please be in your lab or I'm not sure I can stay at Dartmouth), but I think after 7 hours together it might have been best not to go that route. We are going to meet this week - I am in a constant state of vomit/tears because I have NO idea what I am going to do if she says no. Every meeting I have with old adviser makes me realize there is no possible way I can work with him. Fuck. I'm nervous.

Saturday night we did a late night Taco Bell run and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Sort of perfect, actually.

And Sunday I slept 12 hours, played softball, drank some beer, did some work, and now I'm blogging.

Other stuff - I am still working on that big scary mortgage and should have my own loan officer by mid-week. That will be nice.

I am still meeting a surprising number of normal guys on pof.com, and I am anxiously waiting for this new guy to move up to Hanover on Saturday and hopefully ask me out on a date. Will keep y'all updated.

one more post for today

I had two conversations with the roomtes lately that are forcing me to post.

1. I was in the kitchen yesterday afternoon with Psycho Roomate and German Roomate, and census taker was sort of milling about trying to get in. I was running late to meet Selfish Drummer for that date, so I didn't really have time to go talk. However, Psycho Roomate proclaimed to the nice woman who was just doing her job "Listen, you need to back up and stay away from this house. I do not believe in the government and I will not give you my name".

Foolish me, I took the bait. Apparently she doesn't trust the government, considers herself a libertarian, and would fully advocate for a non-existent government. Why, I asked....."just because like, I don't trust the government ya know?"

No...I'm afraid I don't know.

2. I was cooking this evening and looking for my glass measuring cup. Our house is a little weird in that all of us have separate stuff, but it's fine cuz we aren't friends so why wouldn't we. The German Roomate was also in there so after searching
for 6 minutes I asked "have you seen my measuring cup?".

She pulls out a plastic one - nope, not that one. She says nope, definitely haven't seen it. A few moments later, oh wait, is it this measuring cup (as she pulls out my measuring cup). Now honestly, I deal with the fact that all my Gladware, knives, utensils, etc. end up in her stuff and I have to go fish them out anytime I can't find something. I don't know why she takes my Gladware when she doesn't actually own anything like that, but she does have a few plastic containers, so I give her the benefit of the doubt.

She doesn't own a measuring cup though so as I reached to get it and retrieve some other things that were mine, I was like "(German Roomate), why do you always take my stuff? You know it isn't yours, so why do you take it and put it with your stuff?"

Her response: "Oh, I don't know, I just do. You just need to fish around my stuff to find it though."

NO, no I do not need to go through your stuff to reclaim my rightful property. What is wrong with you? I would even be fine with her using my stuff, but it GOES BACK WITH MY THINGS WHEN YOU ARE DONE!

Ugh....just counting down the days at this point.


She reachesr

It's Raining Men

apparently.

Allow me to describe my Tuesday. My morning started off with an email from Mr. Big, which was actually a very nice update on how things are finally starting to work out for him, and that really does make me feel happy and better to know.

I spent much of Tuesday-afternoon-subject-running-time gchatting with this awesome sounding guy from the dating website who is moving up here and who I hope to meet in person in the next week or two.

As I am power walking home to get ready for my date, New Boy pulls over in his truck and we small talk for a bit. He asks if I want to hang out tonight, I tell him I have plans, he says "Oh right, I actually do too, but we should hang out sometime soon." Okay.

So I go meet my blind date at Salt Hill in Lebanon (note: not the bar that New Boy works at, that would just be cruel). When I walk into the bar, the first 2 people I see are the most gossipy faculty members in our whole department. Fabulous. I have to go say hi, so I decide to just bit the bullet and explain that I am on a blind date but then take the fun away from them by acting completely fine with it and telling them I have no problem with them meeting him. Perfect, elimination of embarrassment so they are no longer interested.

When I had walked into the bar, there was a really cute guy going in right before me. It turned out to be my date (who I think I am going to name The Selfish Drummer). So, we sat down and started talking and everything was going really well. He was insanely good looking, dressed really nicely, spoke well, and we had a million things to talk about and no awkward pauses. Loves it!

We were sitting right by the door, and mid-conversation guess who walks in? New Boy!! How delightfully awkward that I could have avoided him if I had gone to the bar he worked at instead. Woops. He came in, made eye contact, put together that I was clearly on a date, walked out the door, paced outside on the phone, and didn't come back in. I feel sort of bad about this, but at the time I just turned to Selfish Drummer, told him things might get awkward, waited for it to pass, and let it escape my mind.

Okay so at some point we decide it would be good to go back to his place and smoke pot. He didn't have a pipe, so we went to CVS and bought a corn cob pipe. Yes, like the one Frosty used. We went back to his place which was a little far (like 25 minutes, which is the sticks in New Hampshire), had some drinks, smoked, and ended up making out on his bed watching a Dave Matthews Band video. The kissing was okay. Not amazing, his lips were a little grossly dry, but it was good. We started getting a little hot and heavy, he was doing a wonderful job at 2nd base, and I could tell he was excited. I saw no reason not to show off my best skills, so I gave him a blow job and when he finished (all..mmm...40 seconds later) that was it. No effort to satisfy my needs.

I figured I would give him a little time to rest, but 30 minutes later I was doing everything short of saying "I MUST ORGASM" and he still wasn't biting. I think this is a pretty terrible sign yeah? An hour later, at like 11:30, he started to realize that maybe I wasn't totally satisfied and started to try to kiss me again, but I was sort of over it at this point and was ready to go home.

So, overall, I would say it was pretty damn good for an internet date, but I don't think I can be with any guy who doesn't understand that girls should always finish first (or at all, apparently). We didn't make any plans for later anyway, so we'll see what comes of this.

I think it's also weird because I am very much more interested in this other guy moving up here soon, so as much as I enjoyed meeting this guy, I'm not sure my heart was really in it.

Other updates - school is still a fucking nightmare and I am 100% overwhelmed by the whole buying a condo thing, but I think I might have some luck getting a sublet for my current room, so then I could get the FUCK out of there. I am also really looking forward to being doing scheduling and running these marathon 14 hour scanning days. KP and I have decided to buy a "shit ton" of weed and celebrate after our finals. ...let the countdown begin.

Okay so that's the date story.

Updates Updates

Oh there has been ever so much excitement this week.

My condo offer was accepted!!! Which means, that on July 1st I will officially be a homeowner and "po'ass". It's okay, the place is super awesome and I'm excited. Lot of paperwork to dig through to that point, but at least the place is mine. By the way, a ton of us went out last night to celebrate and NOBODY got the concept of Banana Dollars. Either they are totally unimaginative, or you (you being my friends) are insane like me for accepting banana dollars for the past 10 years without questioning.

I am certified to run the fMRI machine. I know it doesn't seem like much, but when I fill out my year end review it will be really important that I have this.

I have a date set up for Tuesday night with a cute guy I met off the new dating website. This is exciting!

I'm not sure this next part is exciting, but somehow I found myself going home with New Boy last night. Still not exactly sure how that happened. We hadn't really spoken in a while (a few brief gchats, nothing significant, no future plans) but he showed up at Salt Hill last night, I invited him to come sit with us, and he convinced me to go back to his place. It was actually a fairly enjoyable encounter, and it was neat to see his place, and there is also something nice about having sex with someone and knowing that you don't really have to try so hard (awful, right?) Like, I would never have gone home with a guy with this crazy ass bandage around my knee (medical duct tape from physical therapy) and 1 unshaved leg. But last night...smeh..I didn't really care. Oh, I've gained a few pounds from not being able to workout and being stressed...smeh, don't care, it's just New Boy.

Oh and also, it was nice to have sex somewhere that I could yell and shout as loud as I wanted to. I haven't really been able to do that since I got here, so maybe that is why it was a nicer encounter than usual.

Anyway, that's about all the excitement for me for a bit. I spent today in the office doing work and being a pushover for the kids I am TAing, tomorrow I'm scanning 7 am to 9 pm, so there will be no going out tonight. But fear not, I shall post about my Tuesday night date as soon as I get done with it.

Anyone have an extra 95K lying around?

This is probably the most ridiculous thing I will ever write on my blog - I just put in an offer of 95K on a condo. I can't even fathom $95,000! It might as well be 95,000 bananas (oh hello yes, I would like to purchase this condo, where can I park these truckloads of bananas?)

Anyway, I'm super stressed out about this, but also really excited. It's also pretty awesome how things worked out, because I saw two other condos as this place on Saturday and one was really gross and about 100K, and the other was cleaner and had a porch, but was 115K! Then I got an email from my Realtor, the 100K house had sold, but there might be another coming on the market....great? So I went over to the condo this morning (with the parents who came up because they were bored now that classes were over) and I instantly fell in love! And this apartment was cheaper! It's so exciting!

Oh, it was also funny because my parents and I got to the complex 30 minutes early (you see where I get this habitual earliness), and I wanted to show them the clubhouse/pool, etc even though you are supposed to need a key to get in there. So the door was open we went in, my Dad went to the bathroom and apparently when he flushed the urinal it caused a DELUGE of water to come pouring out but the drain wasn't working. So, we're standing there alone, water is POURING out of the bathroom, there is no property manager around....sigh. I think if I had any shame left I might have been embarrassed, but instead I thought it was both hilarious and wasteful.

So some of you are no doubt thinking something like "gee, all this girl ever does is work, soon she will not have ridiculous roomates to talk about, her birth control is stopping her from making the typical poor choices - why the fuck should I keep reading this blog?" Well, fear not, I am on a new dating website (plentyoffish.com) and I intend to go on plenty of dates. Fear not readers (all 3 of you), I will find ways to keep you entertained.

Also, the things I will probably need to do to make money to pay for said condo could potentially be amusing....

Last night I did something with a man in bed that I have never done before...

I declared Saturday to be a non-work day, and I was 100% ready to stick by this declaration. I had an awesome afternoon at a bbq/Derby party, and then we headed to Canoe Club. I was a touch drunk at this point, but nothing too ridiculous. So I was having a fun time and then a group of soccer players from Montreal descended upon the bar and were all adorable. So many choices! I settled on this one guy at the bar, and then the after-party was moving to my friend's house (the same place I always end up staying at until 5 am or some shit). We played some pool, someone put some porn on, we made out, I decided to bring him back to my place. Pretty standard yeah?

I get him back and we start fooling around. I am starting to get a little annoyed at his "controlling tendencies". He is maybe trying to be sexy and assertive, but I am just really not in the mood. He is also 100% not listening to my feedback. If I am laughing and telling you I am not turned on by something and would like you to do something else, that is a good sign to switch things up.

So, at some point we move into the dick sucking portion of the evening. I pull it out and I am just...totally underwhelmed. All this controlling behavior and THIS is what you're packing? Normally I wouldn't be such a bitch about this, but he is basically grabbing my head and attempting to do something akin to deep-throating, but he doesn't have the materials for this to be happening so I am just thinking "what the fuck are you doing, stop touching my head." I am just not feeling it so I try to jerk him off and he says something like "maybe you should put it in your mouth?". Uh huh......

Now normally in this situation (and by normally, I mean every other time ever) I would basically throw a condom on the guy, ride him for 10 minutes, and then kick him to the door. But this time, as I am thinking, I decide NO! This guy does not deserve to be a notch on my bedpost. So, I basically took his hands off my head and said "ya know what, this really isn't working for me. I would like you to leave now."

The guy took it surprisingly well, he was actually fairly cool with things. I am actually pretty pumped about how that worked out. More personal growth? Perhaps....



....speaking of personal growth...guess who might be buying her first condo!? That's right, buying. I would be a homeowner, bitches! After some really disastrous home-viewing with the two guys, I decided that even if we could find a good house, I really don't want to live with these guys. There are two really cute condominiums I have been checking out. One is 4 miles away from campus in NH, and the other is 1.5 miles from campus in VT. Both have pools (yeah!), and little workout rooms, and one has a hot tub and sauna. I dig.

All that being said, it is absolutely insane to think about the amount of debt I will incur by getting a mortgage. Also, I have 0 free time for the next 3 weeks, but would need to act on this stuff now, so somehow I need to fit in getting pre-approved for a mortgage and entering a real estate agreement along with all the other work I have on my plate. Stress!

I guess part of me is also dealing with the idea that I have no idea what my adviser/Dartmouth situation will be in the future - so am I really going to buy a place when I don't even know if this is where I want to stay? I keep telling myself that when I get kicked out and am living at home, I can charge a little extra for this condo and have some income. We'll see.

Shall keep everyone updated, and maybe even link the real estate websites of the place I am trying to get.