Why do I stay on dating websites?

and other stories of questions I ask but really have no good answer to.

Question 1 - why do I stay on dating websites?

So I had a date Saturday afternoon, and while it was not terrible, it was also not really a win. I had my doubts going into this anyway because the guy had been all about "not having a standard boring date where you sit across a table and interview each other", but then was not willing to put any effort or thought into coming up with a unique date idea. I eventually suggested a corn maze or Harpoon Oktoberfest, but it really annoys me when people don't back things up.

Anyway, so we met at the brewery at 12:30 and while he was not unattractive, it was definitely not someone I would approach in a bar based on looks. I feel like he was more of the guy who you could find very attractive if you were really in love with his personality. Oh but right, then you need to have an acceptable personality.

It took me a bit of time to pinpoint wasn't working for me, but I eventually figured it out. The conversation was good and we had no trouble keeping it going (we basically just sat and drank a few beers for about 5 hours), but he never ONCE asked me a question about myself. Not once. Sometimes I would interject some personal information, but it would basically be me asking him a question, he would answer, and then go off on some tangent related to dieting. It would never go back to him saying "so wait, tell me more about what you are doing in school?".

And honestly, if I was speaking with some incredibly accomplished person who has 30 years of amazing stories to tell me, I might even be okay with this narcissistic form of conversation that violates basic rules of social communication, BUT, he has a boring boring life. He is 28 and has spent all of his post-college years working in HR doing hiring of factory and metal workers. Is it really that hard to find qualified people to run machinery? Especially in this economy? He also is OBSESSED with food in that negative way where it consumes his life and his thoughts and has become his enemy. Don't get me wrong, I am impressed that he lost 45 pounds, but food cannot be your entire life. He also lost the weight when he was unemployed for 6 months and literally did nothing but workout - and I wonder if he will even be able to manage this with his new job. I have nothing wrong with some extra pounds, but if it leads to body image problems...I don't have the time or energy to deal with such things.

So basically, we had been chatting for 5 hours, I felt not attraction, and he started talking about this girl he proposed to a while back and would not move on from what went wrong with that...and that is when I decided to say "ya know, I have enjoyed talking to you but I am really not seeing this being anything more than friends." It was a little awkward, but I got out of there, which is all that matters.

Question 2 - No really, why do I stay on these websites?

I was also really pissed this week because I thought I had finally tracked down a real diamond in the rough, and I was excited. I found this guy, 33 (perfect age for me), who had just moved here from Baltimore, was doing counter terrorism research and likely some sort of faculty member at Dartmouth. His profile was funny, worldly, and he had been on Double Dare. Perfect!

I sent him a jokey email involving Double Dare and just to say "hi, I see you came from a city, the transition is hard but you'll make it". He sent me back something like "wow, you seem really awesome and I almost asked you out for drinks at Salt Hill tonight. What are you studying. I'll tell you all about Double Dare if we ever go out and get that drink!".

This seemed super encouraging, so I sent him back another fun and flirty email, described my research, asked him some questions, suggested we should indeed go for that drink. This was Wednesday night. By Saturday afternoon, I hadn't heard anything back from him but I had seen that he was online quite a lot between Wednesday and Saturday. So I sent him a simple enough "was it something I said?". He responded back "Oh no, you are perfect. I am just all about taking babysteps. How are you? Are you wearing green today like everyone else on campus?".

Ewl! Who is this guy. Babysteps = not responding back to an email? Are you wearing green today? Are you fucking kidding? Respond back with answers to any of the questions I asked and NEVER tell someone they are perfect. Fucking sceeze. Done with that.

Question 3 - Why do I expect my brother will ever treat me like a worthwhile human?

My brother sent me an email last weekend to say he and his girlfriend would be stopping by sometime next weekend and we should get lunch. Um, okay? Cool! He never responded back to my emails, so I finally emailed his girlfriend and she told me they would come by Sunday afternoon, with her sister, and it would be nice to get lunch.

So he calls me this morning at 10:45 to say he is on his way, should get there at 1:00, and "to have the food stuffs ready". He hung up before I could ask what "food stuffs ready" meant, and then didn't answer his phone. Was I supposed to have food ready?

So I clean my condo, race over to the grocery store, pick up about $40 worth of cheese, bread, crackers, wine, etc. They show up and took a quick glance around my condo, said they would rather get lunch and didn't have time for wine and cheese. That's....fine.

We headed to Molly's for lunch and had an enjoyable enough time. It was a little depressing, however, because the 3 of them were acting like bestest buddies and it was clear there wasn't really room for me in their jokes and conversations. Is it wrong for me to wonder why my brother is best friends with his girlfriend's little sister (who is a lot like me in personality) but can't even email me back to let me know when he's coming to visit?

So we did the lunch thing and they were simultaneously in a hurry to get back on the road to drive to the VT condo for the night, but also had no plans or need to get there early. It was like...they didn't have 5 minutes to walk through something neat on campus, but had 25 minutes to look for the right wines for the evening.

Sigh, whatever. I am also shocked that my brother found people who have as little value for money as he does. There is something about people in there mid-20's quitting their jobs because they don't like what they are doing, but feeling totally entitled to live off their parents and receive $2,000 purses that makes me feel totally alienated. Or an entire table of people saying it is stupid to work in college because they won't have enough time for school BUT have no real comment back when I point out that they likely spent as much time doing Greek life things or sports. Oh, and that I managed to do both and still keep my grades up.

Whatever, as I pointed out to my brother, my parents couldn't possible afford to have 2 of him, so it's a good thing one of the children shops at Salvation Army and knows more about 401K plans than most people double her age.

Question 4 - Why don't I update more?

Okay actually I know the answer to this is that I am just really busy. Class work is cray and I simply don't have enough hours in the day to keep my sanity and do my work. Oh well. Next term will be better.

I also had a lovely evening Friday night that began with bleaching/dying my friend's hair and ended at Canoe Club with all my friends and everyone having good conversations and a great time. There was a brief moment of awkward when the guy I threw myself at 2 weekends ago walked in and did a super awkward half-smile and wave, but I can't let that bother me. Especially when the rest of the evening was so much fun :).

Alright, time for me to get back to work so I can have people over tonight to eat all the bread and cheese my brother didn't want.

A Weekend of Unexpected

Going to do better about updating regularly again.

Friday I was determined not to do any "planning", but somehow I ended up putting together drinks followed by The Social Network and then drinks and dinner.

I will admit that I started off the night pretty damn annoyed. I had suggested drinks at 5:50 next door to the theater (6:30 movie, I know, they only have 2 movie times in fucking New Hampshire), my friend had said no. I planned my evening that way, and at 5:30 he said "nevermind, let's go get those drinks, see you at 5:50". I sprint to get there by 5:50, at which point he calls me to let me know that he is just leaving and will be there in 25 minutes. Great. I guess I'll sit in the parking lot and listen to the rain and hate my friends.

But, we got to the movie, it was decent (but not great), and then Awkward Jesus and another awkward friend who was with us went to get drinks and a late dinner at Salt Hill in Lebanon. I was a little worried about so much awkward, but we had a great time and it was really fun. Win for the night!

Saturday my parents came up to play with me and it was lovely. Always wonderful to have parents buying you delicious meals and taking you shopping so you can find the perfect thing that you have been needing but weren't sure what to get.

It was also a bit weird though because part of the trip was my mom reconnecting with her best friend from high school. Her best friend who she hadn't spoken to in about 40 years but who lived 10 minutes away from my condo. It was a surprisingly good time, but also sort of weird to hear your mom and her friend giggling about growing up in the bad part of Brooklyn. My Dad and I spent a lot of time shooting each other glances, but I'm glad she was happy. I think it was also good that they can have some friends who they already know when they move up here in 5 years to retire.

I was completely exhausted at the end of that, and I think I was feeling a little under from the flu shot on Thursday evening, so I went to bed at 10:30 pm and slept until 11 am the next day. Fabulous.

Sunday has been about working and curling up in blankets as the weather has finally turned to chilly. God I love chilly weather.

This week will be a busy one academically, and I am going to need to break the news to my adviser that I totally fucked up something major BUT have fixed it and the results now look absolutely amazing. I hope she sees that?

Plus, you can look forward to next week having both a date with a guy from plentoffish.com AND a visit from my brother and his girlfriend.