I'm sitting in the airport, a typical 3-4 hours early for a flight (stupid early morning checkout), so I thought it would be a good time do to some updating. I am going to go by each day, and I will warn that Friday and Saturday night are a little bit crazytown.
Wednesday: UGH. We had to be up at 5 am to get to our flight on time and it was cold as shit and we had to push someone's car out of snow bank. We get to the airport and they are not letting anyone fly into Baltimore, have no idea when or if they will be able to. So ya know, "sit tight folks!". We did manage to eventually get out, run to get our transfer to San Antonio, and were at our hotels about 12 hours later having only had a bagel at 6 am and some peanuts. I grabbed subway and basically passed out by 10 pm.
Thursday: This is the day of pre-conferences and I was super disappointed because one of my most favorites (Daniel Kahneman) was supposed to give a speech, and he couldn't get a flight out, so that sucked. It was all good information though, and I presented my poster for the first time and got some nice feedback. So, overall, perfectly fine. It was also GORGEOUS out. Warm and sunny with a nice breeze, and we were set up around the River Walk, so it was just magic. We ended up at an English pub having drinks and relaxing by the river until about 9 or so, at which point I wandered back to my hotel and tried to get to sleep early. Again, I am still sick, so I was really trying to be conscious of the fact that I was getting up very early, was probably not drinking/eating the things I should be, and needed to be good.
Oh right, and the hotel. It turned out to be a beautiful place but it was fucking far from the conference. It definitely made logistics challenging to organize with everyone, but it turned out that the Romanian who I couldn't stand was actually wonderful and completely tolerable over the trick. She was actually the only one I could depend on to have my back, so I really appreciated having her around. Mind officially changed on that one.
Friday: Yet another early morning and a long ass day of going to talks, posters, networking, etc. There's something about getting up and changed into business casual at 7 am and knowing you won't be able to shower and wear comfortable shoes until 7 or 8 pm that is really mentally exhausting. Friday was also fun because my old adviser is the president of the entire conference, so we all got to hear him give a presidential address which was neat. As much bad history as we have, he's still such a influential and important man that you can't help but be impressed. A few of us grabbed drinks after his talk to congratulate him, I met with his book editor which was fascinating (and possibly going to give me the chance to review book chapters). Next, we got to hear Malcolm Gladwell give the key note speech, which was...mmm..interesting. It was sort of a random and un-related topic, which seemed a bit of a shame given that he writes so much about social psychology and a story tailored more to that (as opposed to his chosen topic of entrepreneurship), might have gone over better. But it was still great to listen to, very engaging, and nice to finally hear the voice of the person whose books you read over and over again.
Friday Night: Okay so, two of my friends at the conference had a rental car and had been told that we MUST check out a bbq joint called Rudy's about 30 miles away. The plan afterwards was to go to the dance hall across the street and get the real Texas Experience. So the bbq was insane. Absolutely insane. I also enjoyed 4 girls going up and ordering an enormous amount of meat and just seeing the shock and awe as we plowed through it all. It turned out the dance hall was shut down, so I had a very animated conversation (likely due to booze) with the staff and other customers at the restaurant trying to figure out where to go next. The verdict: a place called Cowboys. FUCKING PERFECT. We find out way there and it is magic. There is a concert going on that night, a mechanical bull, and huge dance floor, and our pick of tons of cowboys dressed in boots and hats (and not in the ironic sense I am accustomed to). We were getting our first drink and I spotted a table of cute guys and figured this would be what we did for the night, so I marched up and said "hi, we're all from New Hampshire and need some nice men to teach us how to two-step". Done. It was such a ridiculous fun evening, I had a blast two-stepping, the music was actually really great, and the guys were a blast. We felt bad at the end as they all thought they were going to be taking 4 New England girls back to their house for a party, but we had to burst their bubbles. And by that, I mean we got called and texted all night and into the afternoon until I finally sent a bitchy text message. We got home at 2 am, had to be up at 8 am, and I sort of cursed myself for being totally drunk and making that bad choice. But it was so much fun!!!
Also, I must give a shout out to Dan because I think I understood your world for the fist time this night. A song would come on and they would be like "OMG, this is so and so...don't you love this song?!?!?". I would stare blankly as they convinced me this person had sold more than Michael Jackson and it was incomprehensible that I didn't know who this is. I imagine this is basically a 24/7 experience for you, Dan ;).
Saturday: Another early day at the conference, long talks, massive exhaustion, and very sore feet from trying to two-step in inappropriate foot wear the night before. I took the afternoon off in an attempt to rest, but I spent about 1 hour trying to get my room key to actually work, and eventually I had to get ready because I had the absolute, dead last poster session of the entire conference. It was basically an F U to social neuroscience as this conference "does not take kindly to dem new fangled technologies like." Rabble. It was also a challenge to figure out something to wear to present my poster that would look equally appropriate at a fancy party afterwards (because there was no fucking way I was walking the two miles to and back the hotel). I think I pulled it off.
So the actual poster presentation was fantastic. It's basically my love of performance combined with science. A lot of really great people came by, and it's sort of the fun of the whole thing that someone really important in the field will just stop by and shoot the shit with you about your data, your methods, what they think, etc. I met a couple new friends in my peer group, and also made a great connection to a pretty important guy in the field, so I felt like that accomplished my conference goals.
Saturday Night: Like I said, my old adviser was the president of this thing, so he held a party that evening in his 5 bedroom hotel suite. Pimp! I was a little concerned because my poster session had been from 6-8 pm, I had barely had lunch, and now I was going straight into the booze without dinner. Probably a bad combination. Anyway, this party was filled with the most amazing people in the field, and my adviser's former graduate students, and all these really wonderful, funny, smart people. I spent the entire night shooting the shit with new people, got some truly blush-worthy compliments, met a really cute guy who I plan to find at the next conference, and even bonded a bit more with the old adviser. It always amazes me how much my catering background comes in handy at these types of things. BUT, the absolute highlight of the night, came later in the evening. The party was winding down, the last of us were all hanging out on a couch drinking champagne, and it was centered around a man who IS the reason I am in psychology. He was my old advisers mentor, he has essentially shaped all of the current thinking in the field of social psychology, and his work on self-regulation is my research. I cannot even explain how excited I was to meet him. And, since I was in hypersocial mode, we were having a totally animated conversation that resulted in me teaching him how to two-step. Just, try to imagine, drunkenly being twirled around a penthouse suite on the Hyatt hotel at 1 in the morning by your academic idol. Swoon. He even gave me a big old kiss on the lips (a little gross but like..fuck...this is amazing), and he was ALL ABOUT making sure we met up at the next conference. He is married, by the way (so it's not about that), but I could tell we made a connection and I can't even imagine how helpful that will be further down the line in my career.
So this party was ending, we headed over to the giant graduate-student / fun faculty party at a warehouse down the way, but it was so overwhelming, we were so drunk, and it was so late, that we walked the 1.5 back to the hotel and passed out around 2 am so The Romanian could get up at 6 am to catch her flight. So, I am obviously exhausted and will likely get sick(er) again, but what an amazing trip.
So overall, the trip was fantastic. The one lowlight that kept rearing it's head is that I couldn't help but feel completely socially rejected by my group of friends. Part of it was surely the geographic separation, but I was really...saddened, that it seemed like nobody was willing to make the effort to include me. Now granted, I responded to this by not contacting any of them so I am as much to blame, but it sort of felt like they didn't want me around anyway so I saw no point. I suppose, to clarify, it would be like if you had a friend who you ALWAYS had to contact and who never bothered to contact you. At some point you feel like, "well, if they valued my friendship they would try to see me instead of me always having to track them down". I think especially since it was clear I was struggling with being far away and feeling isolated, I would have expected a friend to send me a text saying "hey, we're at karaoke, you should really join us!". Definitely didn't happen, and definitely something I would do if the situations were reversed. The last little fuck you was that I was desperately trying to find someone to let me stash my giant poster tube at their hotel after my presentation so I didn't have to drag it around all night OR walk the 2 miles to get to the hotel and back. Nobody was willing to interrupt their plans and shoot back over to their hotel for 10 minutes to help me out. They didn't come to my poster session either. Overall, it was hard not to let that depress me over the trip. But, I think that it forced me to meet other people. Instead of having lunch or going shopping with them, I met other grad students over lunch and walked around by myself. Instead of huddling in the corner with them at this party Saturday night, I was forced to talk to everyone else. So, perhaps it's for the better.
So, that's all. I am hoping for a safe and uneventful flight back and to talk to all of you on gchat tomorrow morning.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Shippin' Off to San Antonio
I was going to make some "mosey on out of here, pardner" kinda title, but I thought you would all hate me.
ALSO, I just figured out how to look at comments for this blog. Not that anyone reads this, let alone comments, but I did enjoy what was there.
So, despite only being Tuesday, this week has absolutely sucked donkey balls:
(1) I am still sick. I don't look sick, but I have a constant headache and pain from my lymph nodes, and occasional shooting pain in my arm. This is annoying. This needs to stop. I did get the new antibiotics I have been asking for since two weeks ago, but we're all sort of in agreement that I should see if I can fight this off without putting my body through another round of antibiotics.
The only silver-lining is that I had another really amusing doctors appointment today. They are totally stumped so there were about 4 doctors in the room with me going over symptoms and it went something like this:
Doctor: So, how long have you been with the current guy you are seeing.
Me: Um...I don't know...like..4 months.
Doctor: Okay, so it is entirely possible that he is the one getting you sick since you keep getting worse after you two engage in "oral contact".
Me: Well...um...no..because we were together before New Years and it wasn't a problem, so he's not the issue, I just happen to keep getting sick when we're together now.
Doctor: Okay, well, what was the story with this hot tub on New Years?
Me: um..well..there may have been oral contact.
Doctor: In the hot tub?
Me: Yes?
Doctor: With just one individual?
Me: ...um.....
The looks of judgment and shock will sustain me for at least a week. Especially since my OBGYN (yes, the one who poked my clitoris) was with them and just sort of chuckling under her breath.
(2) This is no surprise, but the poster process this time around went about the same as the last round with my adviser. I did a lot less crying, but it was still basically last minute corrections that included statements about my worth as a human-being. "Sloppy formatting = sloppy science, you probably shouldn't be in this field if you're not a bit anal retentive about details ;) ". SERIOUSLY?!?! Someone is accusing ME of not being anal retentive enough? Forget that fact that I had explained about 1,000 times that I would finalize poster formatting after the content was finalized. Forget the fact that I sent a draft at noon last Thursday and didn't get comments until Monday at 1 pm (with the knowledge that I was presenting my poster internally at 3 pm). Forget the fact that she forgets what she tells me in between edits and has me change things back along with comments about how I am "just not listening to her". Fine. Whatever.
(3) UGH! So due to some room switches and the fact that my adviser doesn't have as much money as other people's advisers, I got stuck rooming with a girl I absolutely hate (The Romanian, for those of you who can remember back that far in the blog) and realized today we are a mile away from the conference center. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it makes it so much harder for me to get away from her to meet up with others and is also exhausting after you spend a day on your feet in heels. Bleck.
(4) The Klapper has been as crazed and busy as me, and we have been trying to meet up since Friday but just haven't been able to, and now I'm gone until Monday. Now granted, I know this is probably a better move for me health-wise, but I feel like when I needed the stress release the most, he was busy (with job interviews, so it's totally understandable). Rabble.
Anyway, will return from Texas with updates and hopefully stories of strip clubs or at least fun nights out on the town. Ya know, within reason...gotta worry about the health.
ALSO, I just figured out how to look at comments for this blog. Not that anyone reads this, let alone comments, but I did enjoy what was there.
So, despite only being Tuesday, this week has absolutely sucked donkey balls:
(1) I am still sick. I don't look sick, but I have a constant headache and pain from my lymph nodes, and occasional shooting pain in my arm. This is annoying. This needs to stop. I did get the new antibiotics I have been asking for since two weeks ago, but we're all sort of in agreement that I should see if I can fight this off without putting my body through another round of antibiotics.
The only silver-lining is that I had another really amusing doctors appointment today. They are totally stumped so there were about 4 doctors in the room with me going over symptoms and it went something like this:
Doctor: So, how long have you been with the current guy you are seeing.
Me: Um...I don't know...like..4 months.
Doctor: Okay, so it is entirely possible that he is the one getting you sick since you keep getting worse after you two engage in "oral contact".
Me: Well...um...no..because we were together before New Years and it wasn't a problem, so he's not the issue, I just happen to keep getting sick when we're together now.
Doctor: Okay, well, what was the story with this hot tub on New Years?
Me: um..well..there may have been oral contact.
Doctor: In the hot tub?
Me: Yes?
Doctor: With just one individual?
Me: ...um.....
The looks of judgment and shock will sustain me for at least a week. Especially since my OBGYN (yes, the one who poked my clitoris) was with them and just sort of chuckling under her breath.
(2) This is no surprise, but the poster process this time around went about the same as the last round with my adviser. I did a lot less crying, but it was still basically last minute corrections that included statements about my worth as a human-being. "Sloppy formatting = sloppy science, you probably shouldn't be in this field if you're not a bit anal retentive about details ;) ". SERIOUSLY?!?! Someone is accusing ME of not being anal retentive enough? Forget that fact that I had explained about 1,000 times that I would finalize poster formatting after the content was finalized. Forget the fact that I sent a draft at noon last Thursday and didn't get comments until Monday at 1 pm (with the knowledge that I was presenting my poster internally at 3 pm). Forget the fact that she forgets what she tells me in between edits and has me change things back along with comments about how I am "just not listening to her". Fine. Whatever.
(3) UGH! So due to some room switches and the fact that my adviser doesn't have as much money as other people's advisers, I got stuck rooming with a girl I absolutely hate (The Romanian, for those of you who can remember back that far in the blog) and realized today we are a mile away from the conference center. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it makes it so much harder for me to get away from her to meet up with others and is also exhausting after you spend a day on your feet in heels. Bleck.
(4) The Klapper has been as crazed and busy as me, and we have been trying to meet up since Friday but just haven't been able to, and now I'm gone until Monday. Now granted, I know this is probably a better move for me health-wise, but I feel like when I needed the stress release the most, he was busy (with job interviews, so it's totally understandable). Rabble.
Anyway, will return from Texas with updates and hopefully stories of strip clubs or at least fun nights out on the town. Ya know, within reason...gotta worry about the health.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Finally feeling better! Also, who is this guy?
So I woke up Sunday and it was the first time since New Years that I didn't immediately regret being awake and could actually focus. While that was quite excellent, it was sort of one of those cold slaps of reality where I realized just how far behind I got on work being completely worthless for 2.5 weeks. Yikes. At least my last dose of antibiotics is tomorrow at 3 pm, and hopefully I will be all cleared up and ready to take on the world.
The main scary work-thing is that I "knew" I had to prepare this poster for the upcoming conference, but it was like "yes, that is absolutely something I should do. Back to bed then!". Thankfully, I woke up Monday, got to work, and had some passable by 3 o'clock for my adviser. I am not a deadlines type person, but I must admit that sometimes being forced to pull something out of your ass does good things to the creative spirit. I'm also happy report that unlike last time (me crying, me working 18 hour days at the office, me not eating, me debating leaving grad school), my adviser really liked my data, thought I had a great story, and said things like "wow, this is so great compared to last time, you've made so much progress" and "you have convinced me that you are correct". I put those words under my pillow Monday night and curled up tightly.
Speaking of curling up tightly, I had such an awesome date with The Klapper last night. And yes, I know, large amounts of work should mean I'm not going on dates, but also, fuck off ;).
I feel like at some point soon I will need to change his name, because he has continued to be incredibly sweet and pushing towards something more appropriately resembling a relationship. Last night we even curled up under the covers and he said "I woke up this morning and it felt like you should have been next to me." Swoon. I think I will wait until we are having slumber parties and meeting friends to think this is an actual relationship, but I like the slow steady progress.
ALSO, I did find a non-awkward way to slip in the dominatrix job dilemma, and he had a pretty perfect answer. Mainly, if I really liked doing it he would be okay with it, but since I really don't, I shouldn't have to do that. I like. In a similarly non-awkward and no pressure way, I also asked if he wanted to come to Amanda's wedding. He thinks he might have finals, but offered to use some of the millions of rewards points he stacked up from living at a hotel for 2 years to pay for my hotel room while I'm there. As someone who tries to pay for her own dinner and was the primary provider in both of my two serious relationships, this is sort of a weird change of pace for me...but it's also kind of awesome. I'll find out later just how serious he was about this, but it would definitely solve the money problem and allow me to stay in a PIMP hotel. Cuz ya know...I'm a pimp.
Much as I try to avoid thinking and/or blogging about this, what to do about the Mr. Big situation has been rolling around in my mind during my down time. I admit it's totally my fault for letting things get this way, but I honestly have no idea how to handle the situation. I keep telling myself that I can put this off until The Klapper and I are actually have sleepovers, but that seems to be nearing reality rapidly.
Do I tell him the truth - that I found someone new and want to pursue it? That will likely result in homicide. Do I tell him that the distance thing is too hard and I need to focus on myself? That will likely result in suicide. With full knowledge that I will get about 10 "I told you so" responses, I really should have cut this off before winter break. I was already acting very distant and it wouldn't have been a stretch. Now things seem totally great between us, and this would come as a complete shock to him. I'm stupid. I know. Rabble.
The main scary work-thing is that I "knew" I had to prepare this poster for the upcoming conference, but it was like "yes, that is absolutely something I should do. Back to bed then!". Thankfully, I woke up Monday, got to work, and had some passable by 3 o'clock for my adviser. I am not a deadlines type person, but I must admit that sometimes being forced to pull something out of your ass does good things to the creative spirit. I'm also happy report that unlike last time (me crying, me working 18 hour days at the office, me not eating, me debating leaving grad school), my adviser really liked my data, thought I had a great story, and said things like "wow, this is so great compared to last time, you've made so much progress" and "you have convinced me that you are correct". I put those words under my pillow Monday night and curled up tightly.
Speaking of curling up tightly, I had such an awesome date with The Klapper last night. And yes, I know, large amounts of work should mean I'm not going on dates, but also, fuck off ;).
I feel like at some point soon I will need to change his name, because he has continued to be incredibly sweet and pushing towards something more appropriately resembling a relationship. Last night we even curled up under the covers and he said "I woke up this morning and it felt like you should have been next to me." Swoon. I think I will wait until we are having slumber parties and meeting friends to think this is an actual relationship, but I like the slow steady progress.
ALSO, I did find a non-awkward way to slip in the dominatrix job dilemma, and he had a pretty perfect answer. Mainly, if I really liked doing it he would be okay with it, but since I really don't, I shouldn't have to do that. I like. In a similarly non-awkward and no pressure way, I also asked if he wanted to come to Amanda's wedding. He thinks he might have finals, but offered to use some of the millions of rewards points he stacked up from living at a hotel for 2 years to pay for my hotel room while I'm there. As someone who tries to pay for her own dinner and was the primary provider in both of my two serious relationships, this is sort of a weird change of pace for me...but it's also kind of awesome. I'll find out later just how serious he was about this, but it would definitely solve the money problem and allow me to stay in a PIMP hotel. Cuz ya know...I'm a pimp.
Much as I try to avoid thinking and/or blogging about this, what to do about the Mr. Big situation has been rolling around in my mind during my down time. I admit it's totally my fault for letting things get this way, but I honestly have no idea how to handle the situation. I keep telling myself that I can put this off until The Klapper and I are actually have sleepovers, but that seems to be nearing reality rapidly.
Do I tell him the truth - that I found someone new and want to pursue it? That will likely result in homicide. Do I tell him that the distance thing is too hard and I need to focus on myself? That will likely result in suicide. With full knowledge that I will get about 10 "I told you so" responses, I really should have cut this off before winter break. I was already acting very distant and it wouldn't have been a stretch. Now things seem totally great between us, and this would come as a complete shock to him. I'm stupid. I know. Rabble.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Dilemma
So since I am still quite sick, I have nothing fun to talk about from the weekend (I did laundry at my friend's house and cleaned and slept!) I do, however, have a small dilemma that I am debating.
I got an email from my dom client yesterday saying he'd really like to see me, blah blah blah. I sort of felt like that part of my life was over for now because (1) I don't really love driving all the way out there and doing this and (2) I told The Klapper that I was done with this sort of behavior. Normally I would just say I am done, BUT, Amanda's wedding is coming up and I could pay off the flight with 2 visits. So I guess, is it worth the money to do something I don't enjoy and possibly piss The Klapper off? Especially after telling him a good deal about New Years, I feel like I don't have a lot of wiggle room in terms of kinky behavior.
Speaking of The Klapper, we had a wonderful date on Thursday night. We actually went out in public and had dinner (I know!), and he offered me Friday night for a date but I wanted Thursday. It was super cute, lots of hand-holding and couple-y-ness. Then he came back and we had more naked cuddling time, sharing of silly stories, joking about terrible dates, first porns, etc. I even got to bring up his annoying prior behavior in a totally organic way such that it wasn't awkward, but it was clear that "being hard to pin down and mysterious is NOT endearing to me and does NOT make me want you more".
So, it seems like things are progressing nicely, and I certainly wouldn't want to push him away at this point, but I know I could easily get away with seeing my client 2x without him ever knowing. But that also goes against my new attempt to not have quite so many secrets in my relationships.
So, what should I do?
I got an email from my dom client yesterday saying he'd really like to see me, blah blah blah. I sort of felt like that part of my life was over for now because (1) I don't really love driving all the way out there and doing this and (2) I told The Klapper that I was done with this sort of behavior. Normally I would just say I am done, BUT, Amanda's wedding is coming up and I could pay off the flight with 2 visits. So I guess, is it worth the money to do something I don't enjoy and possibly piss The Klapper off? Especially after telling him a good deal about New Years, I feel like I don't have a lot of wiggle room in terms of kinky behavior.
Speaking of The Klapper, we had a wonderful date on Thursday night. We actually went out in public and had dinner (I know!), and he offered me Friday night for a date but I wanted Thursday. It was super cute, lots of hand-holding and couple-y-ness. Then he came back and we had more naked cuddling time, sharing of silly stories, joking about terrible dates, first porns, etc. I even got to bring up his annoying prior behavior in a totally organic way such that it wasn't awkward, but it was clear that "being hard to pin down and mysterious is NOT endearing to me and does NOT make me want you more".
So, it seems like things are progressing nicely, and I certainly wouldn't want to push him away at this point, but I know I could easily get away with seeing my client 2x without him ever knowing. But that also goes against my new attempt to not have quite so many secrets in my relationships.
So, what should I do?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
We could have had it all!
Title isn't really related to anything, I've just been listening to Adele's rolling in the deep over and over again.
I have reached the point with work where I am coming dangerously close to tossing my mac, so I felt it was best to take a break and do some updating.
Work Update
AHHH...I am definitely beginning to think I am not smart enough to be in grad school. Or maybe I'm just too tired to be in grad school. So what have I got on tap for this term? There is a conference in San Antonio coming up at the end of January that I need to find results for. Shouldn't I have had results before I submitted an abstract you ask....likely. I've also got another round of statistics this term, but I have been promised that it's challenging but not impossible like last term, and might actually be applicable to my own work. It's also the only class I'm taking this term, so that should help with sanity to some marginal degree.
I'm also supposed to be getting my first manuscript written this term, which goes back to that pesky lack of results problem - but I keep coming up with new ways to look at the data so HOPEFULLY something will fall out. That's the funny thing about this whole process: I always thought you ran a study, proved or disproved your hypothesis, and wrote that up. This has been more like: you have 1,000,000 variables you could analyze and therefore you MUST find something that is important and worthy of publication. Got it.
Another huge project is that I have my 2nd year qualifying exam coming up over Spring Break (mid-March) which essentially consists of 3 faculty members assigning me 50+ articles each, I read them and incorporate them into my sense of self, and then I will be given 2-4 essay questions from each faculty member that I have exactly 7 days to answer incorporating all relevant research. It's an absolutely terrifying endeavor, and I basically need to read for 2-3 hours each day just to give myself a fighting chance at passing this. All this reading in addition to my other work.
And finally, the only project I am really excited about, is getting my first study up and running. It has to do with smoking and whether or not graphic images on cigarette packages are effective / smart. I'm excited, it's just so daunting to design something perfectly such that you don't look back 6 months later and go "fuck".
Boy Update
I still don't really know where things stand with The Klapper, but he came over Saturday and we had the most wonderful evening (even though I was sick and feeling like crap). He came over, we had dinner, curled up on the couch and watched a movie while he stroked my hair, and then curled up in bed naked and basically tortured ourselves (I was too sick to have sex, but he did get a very nice blowjob). He also said all those wonderful things a girl wants to hear (you make me feel so relaxed, I like being around you, I missed you, you're beautiful, you're amazing in bed, I want to spend more time with you..etc). Will he actually come through and spend more time with, include me in weekend plans, let me meet friends, etc? No clue, but at least it was a nice Saturday night.
Also, I am really proud of myself for at least attempting to have a relationship with a man that is not so profoundly based upon lies. Since I don't feel like The Klapper and I are technically in a exclusive thing, I didn't really feel bad sleeping with Mr. Big when I went to D.C. or the craziness that happened New Years Eve. That being said, I am trying harder to not keep quite so many lies from the people I'm sleep with. So, I didn't tell him about Mr. Big, and I didn't exactly give him the full story about New Years, but I gave him a hell of a lot more details and information than I normally would have. And yes, clearly he struggles with my overt sexuality (stuffy business student meets dominatrix), but I think it's progress that we can talk about these things. Go me!
Since I am still not 100% sure where this is all going, I've also been semi-lining up some more pof.com dates. The problem is that my options right now are (1) a med student who reports being 5'6" (prob shorter right?) and his last name is weiner, or (2) a 32 year old insurance-type-guy who doesn't drink alcohol. Am I in any position to drop a guy because of a terrible last name or a dislike of alcohol? Probably not - but I feel like those are non-starters for me.
Health Update:
I'm feeling a bit better, but it seems like the original symptoms have passed and now it's the side-effects from the antibiotics that are making me feel like death. Ugh, and I have another 8 days of these things which includes waking up at a 2 a.m. every night to take a dose. Lame.
So I think that is all. Not much going on now because I'm sick, but from mid-January through mid-February it sounds like there is going to be a LOT of crazy going on.
I have reached the point with work where I am coming dangerously close to tossing my mac, so I felt it was best to take a break and do some updating.
Work Update
AHHH...I am definitely beginning to think I am not smart enough to be in grad school. Or maybe I'm just too tired to be in grad school. So what have I got on tap for this term? There is a conference in San Antonio coming up at the end of January that I need to find results for. Shouldn't I have had results before I submitted an abstract you ask....likely. I've also got another round of statistics this term, but I have been promised that it's challenging but not impossible like last term, and might actually be applicable to my own work. It's also the only class I'm taking this term, so that should help with sanity to some marginal degree.
I'm also supposed to be getting my first manuscript written this term, which goes back to that pesky lack of results problem - but I keep coming up with new ways to look at the data so HOPEFULLY something will fall out. That's the funny thing about this whole process: I always thought you ran a study, proved or disproved your hypothesis, and wrote that up. This has been more like: you have 1,000,000 variables you could analyze and therefore you MUST find something that is important and worthy of publication. Got it.
Another huge project is that I have my 2nd year qualifying exam coming up over Spring Break (mid-March) which essentially consists of 3 faculty members assigning me 50+ articles each, I read them and incorporate them into my sense of self, and then I will be given 2-4 essay questions from each faculty member that I have exactly 7 days to answer incorporating all relevant research. It's an absolutely terrifying endeavor, and I basically need to read for 2-3 hours each day just to give myself a fighting chance at passing this. All this reading in addition to my other work.
And finally, the only project I am really excited about, is getting my first study up and running. It has to do with smoking and whether or not graphic images on cigarette packages are effective / smart. I'm excited, it's just so daunting to design something perfectly such that you don't look back 6 months later and go "fuck".
Boy Update
I still don't really know where things stand with The Klapper, but he came over Saturday and we had the most wonderful evening (even though I was sick and feeling like crap). He came over, we had dinner, curled up on the couch and watched a movie while he stroked my hair, and then curled up in bed naked and basically tortured ourselves (I was too sick to have sex, but he did get a very nice blowjob). He also said all those wonderful things a girl wants to hear (you make me feel so relaxed, I like being around you, I missed you, you're beautiful, you're amazing in bed, I want to spend more time with you..etc). Will he actually come through and spend more time with, include me in weekend plans, let me meet friends, etc? No clue, but at least it was a nice Saturday night.
Also, I am really proud of myself for at least attempting to have a relationship with a man that is not so profoundly based upon lies. Since I don't feel like The Klapper and I are technically in a exclusive thing, I didn't really feel bad sleeping with Mr. Big when I went to D.C. or the craziness that happened New Years Eve. That being said, I am trying harder to not keep quite so many lies from the people I'm sleep with. So, I didn't tell him about Mr. Big, and I didn't exactly give him the full story about New Years, but I gave him a hell of a lot more details and information than I normally would have. And yes, clearly he struggles with my overt sexuality (stuffy business student meets dominatrix), but I think it's progress that we can talk about these things. Go me!
Since I am still not 100% sure where this is all going, I've also been semi-lining up some more pof.com dates. The problem is that my options right now are (1) a med student who reports being 5'6" (prob shorter right?) and his last name is weiner, or (2) a 32 year old insurance-type-guy who doesn't drink alcohol. Am I in any position to drop a guy because of a terrible last name or a dislike of alcohol? Probably not - but I feel like those are non-starters for me.
Health Update:
I'm feeling a bit better, but it seems like the original symptoms have passed and now it's the side-effects from the antibiotics that are making me feel like death. Ugh, and I have another 8 days of these things which includes waking up at a 2 a.m. every night to take a dose. Lame.
So I think that is all. Not much going on now because I'm sick, but from mid-January through mid-February it sounds like there is going to be a LOT of crazy going on.
Friday, January 7, 2011
I would kill for a real immune system
So I really intended to update more this week, but I have been super sick all week, most likely stemming from the craziness on New Years (yeah yeah...story will come in due time. Frankly, I don't want to write about that until the consequences are gone and I can say it was a night of good choices).
When I get over whatever this is (current diagnosis is systemic bacterial infection of unknown organism, I think that is subject to change) I will tell more amusing stories. For now, all mental energy has been spent preparing for stats class and finishing a project that my adviser is being impatient about. But then, stories....many stories.
When I get over whatever this is (current diagnosis is systemic bacterial infection of unknown organism, I think that is subject to change) I will tell more amusing stories. For now, all mental energy has been spent preparing for stats class and finishing a project that my adviser is being impatient about. But then, stories....many stories.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Trying this again - meet The Klapper
I'm very much not in the mood to blog right now, BUT, I said I would start regularly blogging again in the new year, so here it goes.
There are clearly a lot of ridiculous stories to catch y'all up on, but I think I'm going to start with going through the history of the guy I am currently "seeing" in Hanover. I've gone back and forth on names for him for a while, but I think I have finally settled with The Klapper.
The Klapper you might say? Huh? Allow me to explain. A good friend of mine encountered a real gem of a human being whose last name was Klapper. Klapper would do things like tell my friend he is coming by her apartment, and then not show up or respond to her texts, emails, etc. for a week or so. They would have sex, and then he would ignore her for two months, and then he would see her in a coffee shop and go out of his way to sit on her lap and hug her. And in general, the hallmark of Klapper is that he would sense the moment you are no longer interested in him and then pursue you in full force. Won't respond to a gchat for 4 months, you block him, he texts you immediately. So in general, Klapper is someone who will not let a relationship die and who goes out of his way to blow you off. For the record, you can use Klapper as a noun (that guy is a Klapper), a verb (you totally just got klappered), or an adjective (that was very klapperly of him).
This bodes well right? Let me tell you about my Klapper.
So I met him via plentyoffish.com. He had a lot of negatives going in (business student, from Jersey, weird profile picture), but I decided to give it a shot anyway after a bunch of really enjoyable emails.
Our first date was basically magic. We met at Salt Hill in Lebanon on a Thursday night and closed out the restaurant chatting and giggling over drinks. He was totally a business school stereotype, but he was also really conscious and self-effacing about it. Yes he knew it was silly to wear loafers and button-down/sweater combos, but he did it because the people around him did and he accepted it was silly. I liked that. He also had an interesting life and have lived in NYC for 3 years (a big plus when surrounded by people afraid of cities), was great at conversation, was super cute (not hot, but super cute), and was the financial opposite of Mr. Big. He is 28 and was able to save up enough money to pay for business school and still have enough to live on during school AND he owns a house in New Jersey that he rents. I think that's also pretty great.
So we left Salt Hill on the way to the parking lot and passed The Cave, which is a TERRIBLE/AWESOME karaoke bar/pizza restaurant with a cave theme. It's ridiculous and attracts the worst of the worst. We walked by and could hear awful singing, and he asked what was going on. Flash forward 10 minutes and we are drinking terrible beer and dancing and singing karaoke in a crowd of absolute rednecks. This was clearly the first time The Klapper had been in such an environment, and he'd never sang karaoke before, but he was a total trooper. And then we start kissing, and he was a great kisser. We head back to my car and make out in the front seat for a while as it warms up. And then he comes back to my place and we have good sex. Not great sex, but good sex. The one awkward part of the night came at 3 am when I basically kicked him out. He wasn't so happy about that, but I think it's within my right to want to sleep alone, so I hope he understood.
The next night, he invited me to a huge party at the business school. I got there and was totally overwhelmed by the people/noise/theme/AHHH, so I asked him to show me his room (note: he lives in the business school first year housing apartments). The plan was not to have sex, I really just wanted to see his room, but of course it ended in sex. Good sex, but maybe not great sex.
The next night (yup), I was out having drinks with KP and texted him a joke. We text-chatted (ugh, I know, I hate it) and he ended up coming by with his best friend. More closing out of bars, ridiculous orders of Veuve Cliquot and french fries, and for the 3rd night, The Klapper picked up the tab. And for the 3rd night we ended up having sex.
So this all seems pretty good right? A sweet guy who is always complementing me and picking up the tab, regular sex, fun. It's clear to me that he is a bit vanilla and I might be a lot for him to handle, but it was working out pretty well. Then it goes downhill....
The next Friday he had invited me to another big party at the business school and I rounded up all my friends to go, have fun, meet him and his friends...ya know..the things you do when you like someone. So we talk at 7 pm and it turns out the party is now only for business students. Okay, he will stay for a bit and meet up with my friends at the bar we're at. I should probably note that this was a TERRIBLE week for me work-wise, and I started doing whiskey shots around 8 pm. So he calls at 9 pm to tell me that a friend of his is driving down from NYC and will be there at 1 am. Okay, I suggest maybe he should come see me since our time has been cut short and we have a little mini-argument about this point. I text him at 9:30 to say "sorry, that was maybe out of line, I'm happy enough to share you tonight". So he shows up at 10 pm with 2 of his friends. And they are in matching business school jackets. Yes. He comes and gives me a kiss and they the 8 feet to the bar to grab drinks. And the drinks come....and they stay there. I head over and talk to the 3 of them, and eventually get them to come and be by my very large group of friends. We chat for about 15-20 minutes, and then The Klapper says "okay well, there is a beer pong tournament so we are going to head out".
I should note that he is REALLY into beer pong for some unexplainable reason.
So I sort of startle for a moment and am like "huh, okay, I thought we were going to hang out with my friends tonight? But I guess I can just come with you to the party!" And here is where it all falls apart. His response was "well, I don't really know the girl hosting the party that well, and I wouldn't want to bring "that" girl.
That Girl!!!!!!!! What?!? I pushed the feelings down and explained that it really hurt me that he was blowing me off, and he explained that his friends would also be annoyed, and he needed to go. And he left. And I DRANK the hell out of those feelings. He called me at midnight to see if I was still out, obviously I wasn't, and I basically went Flavor of Love girls on him in my drunken rage. I have no idea what I said for 25 minutes, but I do remember that when his friend arrived from NYC I insisted he be given the phone and in response to his question of "who is this?" I said "I'm the girl he is supposed to be fucking right now." Class act.
In retrospect, I was totally out of control, but he treated me like shit stringing me along all night. I called Sunday to apologize-ish, and we agreed it was probably a bad night for all and I would come by and see him (as I was leaving that Monday to go home for Thanksgiving). This is when it really comes undone.
We agreed to meeting up to grab burritos at 7, then he suggested we order it for delivery. Sweet? I show up at his place at 7...he doesn't pick up his phone..I eventually find a way in around 7:20. I open his door and he's like "oh hey" and I made some joke about "okay, point taken about Friday night ;)". Obviously he didn't hear it, so I repeated it...and it got awkward. So we talked for 20 minutes but then it became awkward as we were waiting for the food and it was just not coming. Food came, we ate, and then we decided to watch tv. I was browsing for The Simpsons for maybe 45 seconds when he was like "um, I'm fine with just watching what's on okay?". Um...jeez...okay. I should mention that he has a studio-type room, so it's basically just a bed, a tv/computer, a dresser, a desk, and a bathroom. So I lean back on the bed and he is INSTANTLY kissing me and groping me. I have barely finished eating, and suddenly we are in stage 9 of 10 of hooking up. Okay, so we fool around and have sex. It was very clear from the beginning that he was really stressed out about his workload for the week, but I did not appreciate when we finished having sex and he already looks totally miserable. I am looking up at him and he said "how are you doing?" I said "oh I'm doing just fine, how are you doing". He shrugs and says "eh, I'm okay". That is NOT what you say after having sex. Especially since we had a pretty good sexual connection and he had lived a relatively bland sex life (e.g. he is 28 and has only had 8 blowjobs in his life!". So a moment after that awkward exchange he said "so..the movie will be over in a minute or two....I'm thinking maybe you should go then?". At least when I kicked him out the first night, I let him afterglow for a while....this was just rude and ridiculous. I get up, start getting dressed, he says nothing. I am heading out the door and he gives me a weird little kiss/hug and says "happy thanksgiving". Wonderful. As I walked to my car, I couldn't help but feel like I had been paid an $8 burrito for an hour of sex...and that is not a good feeling.
I head home for Thanksgiving with the express point of writing him off. I come back and he calls me the first night I am there. It was like he knew I was over him or something. And he was sweet, and complimentary, and genuinely seemed like he wanted to see me. We made plans for a Wednesday night and he came over and we ate some soup I had made which was amazing and healthy. And we sat on the couch and giggled and chatted and it was wonderful like before. And then we moved to the bedroom and had great sex. Not good sex, but great sex (mm..with the exception that he will simply never have the equipment I am accustomed to working with, so it'll never be amazing). And we snuggled and cuddled afterwards and it just felt really nice. BUT, as he was leaving, he seemed resistant to making plans.
So, to recap, at this point The Klapper and I had been through honeymoon, first fight, and reconciliation in the span of 5 dates. We next enter the phase of "dirty little secret".
After that Wednesday date, it basically became his M.O. that he would "swing by" on a weeknight or Sunday, bring food, fuck me, and leave immediately. Sometimes I would get 2 hours with him, sometimes he would show up and say he needs to leave in 45 minutes. Essentially, I got relegated to the "dirty little secret" schedule where you never go out in public and see someone at 7 pm on a Tuesday or 4:30 on a Sunday. This obviously pissed me off, but I (a) was enjoying the sex, and (b) didn't really have ground to stand on because he was genuinely busy. He had finals, summer job applications, trips to see his parents in New Jersey, office parties in NYC. He was busy, BUT, I would also find out that he was home on a Saturday going to ugly sweater parties and didn't think to call me to join, so I didn't really know what to do. It also wasn't like I wasn't asking him for more time or weekend time. I would say point blank "I would really like to spend a weekend night with you so I can stay over" (which was something he really wanted and was pretty upset about not happening in the beginning...but only in the beginning).
He also started doing things where he would say we could hang out Monday night, and then I would call him at 7:30 and he would be like "oh yeah, I am studying and freaking out, so I can't tonight". Like, not only did he make the plans, but he didn't have the decency to call and tell me he was busy now. Not a good sign for a potential boyfriend, or even a potential friend.
The other issue is that I knew over winter break I was planning to see Mr. Big in D.C. and was also going to an insane New Years Eve sex party in NYC (maybe that story will show up eventually), so it felt silly to demand more time or a label of a monogamous relationship, when I was clearly not rolling that way.
So my time in D.C. made me really realize that The Klapper SUCKS, and that the person I am sleeping with should seem like he likes me and enjoys spending time with me that doesn't involve fucking. I basically wrote him off. SO of course, as he is The Klapper, he starts texting me and telling me he wishes he had spent New Years Eve with me, can't wait to see me, etc. I had not been back in Hanover for more than 20 minutes when he called to see when he could see me this week.
So, to sum this extremely long post, I have no idea what to do about this. I enjoy spending time with him, and the sex is good and regular, but I really don't want to deal with someone who acts like they don't want to spend any time with me. I suppose I will see how this week goes, if things are different, and then I will decide if I (1) want to push for a relationship, (2) want to keep things going as just fucking, or (3) want to dump the motherfucker (DTMF) and try to find someone who fits me better.
Anyway, I'm going to try to make regular contemporary posts and also tell some of the better stories from the past few months. I hope you enjoy :)
There are clearly a lot of ridiculous stories to catch y'all up on, but I think I'm going to start with going through the history of the guy I am currently "seeing" in Hanover. I've gone back and forth on names for him for a while, but I think I have finally settled with The Klapper.
The Klapper you might say? Huh? Allow me to explain. A good friend of mine encountered a real gem of a human being whose last name was Klapper. Klapper would do things like tell my friend he is coming by her apartment, and then not show up or respond to her texts, emails, etc. for a week or so. They would have sex, and then he would ignore her for two months, and then he would see her in a coffee shop and go out of his way to sit on her lap and hug her. And in general, the hallmark of Klapper is that he would sense the moment you are no longer interested in him and then pursue you in full force. Won't respond to a gchat for 4 months, you block him, he texts you immediately. So in general, Klapper is someone who will not let a relationship die and who goes out of his way to blow you off. For the record, you can use Klapper as a noun (that guy is a Klapper), a verb (you totally just got klappered), or an adjective (that was very klapperly of him).
This bodes well right? Let me tell you about my Klapper.
So I met him via plentyoffish.com. He had a lot of negatives going in (business student, from Jersey, weird profile picture), but I decided to give it a shot anyway after a bunch of really enjoyable emails.
Our first date was basically magic. We met at Salt Hill in Lebanon on a Thursday night and closed out the restaurant chatting and giggling over drinks. He was totally a business school stereotype, but he was also really conscious and self-effacing about it. Yes he knew it was silly to wear loafers and button-down/sweater combos, but he did it because the people around him did and he accepted it was silly. I liked that. He also had an interesting life and have lived in NYC for 3 years (a big plus when surrounded by people afraid of cities), was great at conversation, was super cute (not hot, but super cute), and was the financial opposite of Mr. Big. He is 28 and was able to save up enough money to pay for business school and still have enough to live on during school AND he owns a house in New Jersey that he rents. I think that's also pretty great.
So we left Salt Hill on the way to the parking lot and passed The Cave, which is a TERRIBLE/AWESOME karaoke bar/pizza restaurant with a cave theme. It's ridiculous and attracts the worst of the worst. We walked by and could hear awful singing, and he asked what was going on. Flash forward 10 minutes and we are drinking terrible beer and dancing and singing karaoke in a crowd of absolute rednecks. This was clearly the first time The Klapper had been in such an environment, and he'd never sang karaoke before, but he was a total trooper. And then we start kissing, and he was a great kisser. We head back to my car and make out in the front seat for a while as it warms up. And then he comes back to my place and we have good sex. Not great sex, but good sex. The one awkward part of the night came at 3 am when I basically kicked him out. He wasn't so happy about that, but I think it's within my right to want to sleep alone, so I hope he understood.
The next night, he invited me to a huge party at the business school. I got there and was totally overwhelmed by the people/noise/theme/AHHH, so I asked him to show me his room (note: he lives in the business school first year housing apartments). The plan was not to have sex, I really just wanted to see his room, but of course it ended in sex. Good sex, but maybe not great sex.
The next night (yup), I was out having drinks with KP and texted him a joke. We text-chatted (ugh, I know, I hate it) and he ended up coming by with his best friend. More closing out of bars, ridiculous orders of Veuve Cliquot and french fries, and for the 3rd night, The Klapper picked up the tab. And for the 3rd night we ended up having sex.
So this all seems pretty good right? A sweet guy who is always complementing me and picking up the tab, regular sex, fun. It's clear to me that he is a bit vanilla and I might be a lot for him to handle, but it was working out pretty well. Then it goes downhill....
The next Friday he had invited me to another big party at the business school and I rounded up all my friends to go, have fun, meet him and his friends...ya know..the things you do when you like someone. So we talk at 7 pm and it turns out the party is now only for business students. Okay, he will stay for a bit and meet up with my friends at the bar we're at. I should probably note that this was a TERRIBLE week for me work-wise, and I started doing whiskey shots around 8 pm. So he calls at 9 pm to tell me that a friend of his is driving down from NYC and will be there at 1 am. Okay, I suggest maybe he should come see me since our time has been cut short and we have a little mini-argument about this point. I text him at 9:30 to say "sorry, that was maybe out of line, I'm happy enough to share you tonight". So he shows up at 10 pm with 2 of his friends. And they are in matching business school jackets. Yes. He comes and gives me a kiss and they the 8 feet to the bar to grab drinks. And the drinks come....and they stay there. I head over and talk to the 3 of them, and eventually get them to come and be by my very large group of friends. We chat for about 15-20 minutes, and then The Klapper says "okay well, there is a beer pong tournament so we are going to head out".
I should note that he is REALLY into beer pong for some unexplainable reason.
So I sort of startle for a moment and am like "huh, okay, I thought we were going to hang out with my friends tonight? But I guess I can just come with you to the party!" And here is where it all falls apart. His response was "well, I don't really know the girl hosting the party that well, and I wouldn't want to bring "that" girl.
That Girl!!!!!!!! What?!? I pushed the feelings down and explained that it really hurt me that he was blowing me off, and he explained that his friends would also be annoyed, and he needed to go. And he left. And I DRANK the hell out of those feelings. He called me at midnight to see if I was still out, obviously I wasn't, and I basically went Flavor of Love girls on him in my drunken rage. I have no idea what I said for 25 minutes, but I do remember that when his friend arrived from NYC I insisted he be given the phone and in response to his question of "who is this?" I said "I'm the girl he is supposed to be fucking right now." Class act.
In retrospect, I was totally out of control, but he treated me like shit stringing me along all night. I called Sunday to apologize-ish, and we agreed it was probably a bad night for all and I would come by and see him (as I was leaving that Monday to go home for Thanksgiving). This is when it really comes undone.
We agreed to meeting up to grab burritos at 7, then he suggested we order it for delivery. Sweet? I show up at his place at 7...he doesn't pick up his phone..I eventually find a way in around 7:20. I open his door and he's like "oh hey" and I made some joke about "okay, point taken about Friday night ;)". Obviously he didn't hear it, so I repeated it...and it got awkward. So we talked for 20 minutes but then it became awkward as we were waiting for the food and it was just not coming. Food came, we ate, and then we decided to watch tv. I was browsing for The Simpsons for maybe 45 seconds when he was like "um, I'm fine with just watching what's on okay?". Um...jeez...okay. I should mention that he has a studio-type room, so it's basically just a bed, a tv/computer, a dresser, a desk, and a bathroom. So I lean back on the bed and he is INSTANTLY kissing me and groping me. I have barely finished eating, and suddenly we are in stage 9 of 10 of hooking up. Okay, so we fool around and have sex. It was very clear from the beginning that he was really stressed out about his workload for the week, but I did not appreciate when we finished having sex and he already looks totally miserable. I am looking up at him and he said "how are you doing?" I said "oh I'm doing just fine, how are you doing". He shrugs and says "eh, I'm okay". That is NOT what you say after having sex. Especially since we had a pretty good sexual connection and he had lived a relatively bland sex life (e.g. he is 28 and has only had 8 blowjobs in his life!". So a moment after that awkward exchange he said "so..the movie will be over in a minute or two....I'm thinking maybe you should go then?". At least when I kicked him out the first night, I let him afterglow for a while....this was just rude and ridiculous. I get up, start getting dressed, he says nothing. I am heading out the door and he gives me a weird little kiss/hug and says "happy thanksgiving". Wonderful. As I walked to my car, I couldn't help but feel like I had been paid an $8 burrito for an hour of sex...and that is not a good feeling.
I head home for Thanksgiving with the express point of writing him off. I come back and he calls me the first night I am there. It was like he knew I was over him or something. And he was sweet, and complimentary, and genuinely seemed like he wanted to see me. We made plans for a Wednesday night and he came over and we ate some soup I had made which was amazing and healthy. And we sat on the couch and giggled and chatted and it was wonderful like before. And then we moved to the bedroom and had great sex. Not good sex, but great sex (mm..with the exception that he will simply never have the equipment I am accustomed to working with, so it'll never be amazing). And we snuggled and cuddled afterwards and it just felt really nice. BUT, as he was leaving, he seemed resistant to making plans.
So, to recap, at this point The Klapper and I had been through honeymoon, first fight, and reconciliation in the span of 5 dates. We next enter the phase of "dirty little secret".
After that Wednesday date, it basically became his M.O. that he would "swing by" on a weeknight or Sunday, bring food, fuck me, and leave immediately. Sometimes I would get 2 hours with him, sometimes he would show up and say he needs to leave in 45 minutes. Essentially, I got relegated to the "dirty little secret" schedule where you never go out in public and see someone at 7 pm on a Tuesday or 4:30 on a Sunday. This obviously pissed me off, but I (a) was enjoying the sex, and (b) didn't really have ground to stand on because he was genuinely busy. He had finals, summer job applications, trips to see his parents in New Jersey, office parties in NYC. He was busy, BUT, I would also find out that he was home on a Saturday going to ugly sweater parties and didn't think to call me to join, so I didn't really know what to do. It also wasn't like I wasn't asking him for more time or weekend time. I would say point blank "I would really like to spend a weekend night with you so I can stay over" (which was something he really wanted and was pretty upset about not happening in the beginning...but only in the beginning).
He also started doing things where he would say we could hang out Monday night, and then I would call him at 7:30 and he would be like "oh yeah, I am studying and freaking out, so I can't tonight". Like, not only did he make the plans, but he didn't have the decency to call and tell me he was busy now. Not a good sign for a potential boyfriend, or even a potential friend.
The other issue is that I knew over winter break I was planning to see Mr. Big in D.C. and was also going to an insane New Years Eve sex party in NYC (maybe that story will show up eventually), so it felt silly to demand more time or a label of a monogamous relationship, when I was clearly not rolling that way.
So my time in D.C. made me really realize that The Klapper SUCKS, and that the person I am sleeping with should seem like he likes me and enjoys spending time with me that doesn't involve fucking. I basically wrote him off. SO of course, as he is The Klapper, he starts texting me and telling me he wishes he had spent New Years Eve with me, can't wait to see me, etc. I had not been back in Hanover for more than 20 minutes when he called to see when he could see me this week.
So, to sum this extremely long post, I have no idea what to do about this. I enjoy spending time with him, and the sex is good and regular, but I really don't want to deal with someone who acts like they don't want to spend any time with me. I suppose I will see how this week goes, if things are different, and then I will decide if I (1) want to push for a relationship, (2) want to keep things going as just fucking, or (3) want to dump the motherfucker (DTMF) and try to find someone who fits me better.
Anyway, I'm going to try to make regular contemporary posts and also tell some of the better stories from the past few months. I hope you enjoy :)
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