It's just like overheard in NY! Only more boring.
So I was in my med school neuroanatomy class, and there was a break, and I was listening to the girl behind me talk about her upcoming summer trip to some tragic African nation to deliver babies or some shit like that. Also, I already don't like this girl because the lecture hall we are in has about 3 inches of space in between rows, and she insists on putting her feet up on the back of my chair, which is exactly where my head would like to be.
Conversation:
Med Student: I'm really excited for the trip, but I just had the stupidest appointment at student health.
Friend: Oh yeah, what happened?
Med Student: So first, they wouldn't give me the right malaria pills that I wanted, and then, she told me she was going to write me a prescription for Plan B and wanted me to carry it with me.
Friend: What?!?!
Med Student: I know, like I'm going to be running around sleeping with all these random men in some crazy foreign country.
Friend: Right!
Med Student: And then the doctor was like, "Oh no, it's just in case you get raped, you should have something like that with you."
And I'm like..obviously not going to try to get raped while I'm over there. Ya know? What a stupid bitch.
Friend: Totally!
Me:....slowly turns my head to look back at the med student who just professed that rape only happens when you go out asking for it.
This girl will probably treat rape victims at some point in her life. This concerns me.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter Weekend
This weekend was unfortunately lame, but filled with some quality family/family-friend time on Saturday.
Friday night I stayed in to do work (ugh..I know), and Saturday I drove through a snow/ice storm (yup - end of April) to attend our traditional Feaster celebration (read: Fake Easter = Feaster). Since we don't really have extended family, this is the only time of the year that we get together with people we care about and who have been in my life since I was born. So it was the usual gathering of 4 adorable children under the age of 5 and 11 overly-educated adults (3 MDs, 3 PhDs professors, 1 Obama adviser, 1 person who founded a company with Stacey London, 2 MBAs, and me).
It was wonderful as always, and then I drove the 2.5 hours back (only rain this time) and passed out so I could have a productive Sunday.
And then I spent all day Sunday working.
Fun times, kids.
Semi-formed plans to see The Klapper tomorrow, and I am debating if I want to ask the "what are we doing this summer?" question. I'm not really sure what I even want, so I am thinking I should hold off. I guess I just feel the pressure to figure things out because (1) the Feaster gathering always brings up the "so..do you have a boyfriend, is it serious, will you die alone?" questions, and (2) two of the people at Feaster met and fell in love at the business school at Dartmouth, so they want others to do so.
Whatever, I have too much work on my mind to worry about this right now.
Friday night I stayed in to do work (ugh..I know), and Saturday I drove through a snow/ice storm (yup - end of April) to attend our traditional Feaster celebration (read: Fake Easter = Feaster). Since we don't really have extended family, this is the only time of the year that we get together with people we care about and who have been in my life since I was born. So it was the usual gathering of 4 adorable children under the age of 5 and 11 overly-educated adults (3 MDs, 3 PhDs professors, 1 Obama adviser, 1 person who founded a company with Stacey London, 2 MBAs, and me).
It was wonderful as always, and then I drove the 2.5 hours back (only rain this time) and passed out so I could have a productive Sunday.
And then I spent all day Sunday working.
Fun times, kids.
Semi-formed plans to see The Klapper tomorrow, and I am debating if I want to ask the "what are we doing this summer?" question. I'm not really sure what I even want, so I am thinking I should hold off. I guess I just feel the pressure to figure things out because (1) the Feaster gathering always brings up the "so..do you have a boyfriend, is it serious, will you die alone?" questions, and (2) two of the people at Feaster met and fell in love at the business school at Dartmouth, so they want others to do so.
Whatever, I have too much work on my mind to worry about this right now.
Monday, April 18, 2011
One more reason my weekend sucked.
Aside from all the reasons below, allow me to paint a little picture for you about Sunday afternoon at the gym.
I'm at the gym, working out on the lone elliptical machine that is positioned a little too far out from the aisle, has no tv to block my face, and is right by the door so everyone who enters the gym has to walk by it.
I also look and feel like hell from getting 2-3 hours of sleep Friday and Saturday night, and am actively working to not vomit. Oh, and I am fuming about The Klapper still.
(1) Is that.....could that be....oh fuck..it is Levon. That crazy weird ass musician I made out with one night who was going to "change the way I feel about life and music and stuff", and who also turned out to be married with 3 kids.
Is he walking towards me? Oh FUCK.
So he pauses, looks me over for a moment while I avert my gaze to the opposite side of the gym, and keeps walking.
(2) Well that was awkward....oh...oh god...is that The Boat? That crazy weird ass guy who was really hot but took me back to his place and told me he couldn't get a "Grade A" hard-on? And who I saw constantly at the bars and we refused to make eye contact until one night when it was just the two of us in the entry way? FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Another awkward series of looks - we did that half smile acknowledgment.
(3) ...Icing on the cake? The Baby walks by. Yes, that crazy weird ass undergrad I slept with over the summer who didn't know where the clitoris is. Yeah, he walked by to. And yeah, he stopped.
Why he doesn't understand that he should be too embarrassed to talk to a girl who gave him a sex book and said "memorize this shit", I don't know.
I don't think I will ever go to the gym on a Sunday again.
I'm at the gym, working out on the lone elliptical machine that is positioned a little too far out from the aisle, has no tv to block my face, and is right by the door so everyone who enters the gym has to walk by it.
I also look and feel like hell from getting 2-3 hours of sleep Friday and Saturday night, and am actively working to not vomit. Oh, and I am fuming about The Klapper still.
(1) Is that.....could that be....oh fuck..it is Levon. That crazy weird ass musician I made out with one night who was going to "change the way I feel about life and music and stuff", and who also turned out to be married with 3 kids.
Is he walking towards me? Oh FUCK.
So he pauses, looks me over for a moment while I avert my gaze to the opposite side of the gym, and keeps walking.
(2) Well that was awkward....oh...oh god...is that The Boat? That crazy weird ass guy who was really hot but took me back to his place and told me he couldn't get a "Grade A" hard-on? And who I saw constantly at the bars and we refused to make eye contact until one night when it was just the two of us in the entry way? FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Another awkward series of looks - we did that half smile acknowledgment.
(3) ...Icing on the cake? The Baby walks by. Yes, that crazy weird ass undergrad I slept with over the summer who didn't know where the clitoris is. Yeah, he walked by to. And yeah, he stopped.
Why he doesn't understand that he should be too embarrassed to talk to a girl who gave him a sex book and said "memorize this shit", I don't know.
I don't think I will ever go to the gym on a Sunday again.
Klappered All Weekend
and not in the good way ;)
So friend-wise, the weekend was actually pretty fun. Friday night we grilled and did whiskey and cigars, and Saturday was more of the same. Chill, fun, and a birthday lunch for my friend at Harpoon Brewery on Sunday. That stuff was all good.
Oh but The Klapper. So Sunday night he had flashed me this adorable smile and asked if he could stay at my place this weekend. Fear not, it wasn't because he wanted to spend time with me, I correctly guessed that he had given up his bedroom to an accepted student for Orientation Weekend. But ya know what, he could have just as easily asked a friend, so I counted this as a win.
Strike 1
Thursday night we had plans to get together, and he had requested we meet up around 5 or so because he needed to get home and do work. He emailed me that morning to say "oh shit, I forgot that I promised my friend I would drive him to see a car in Bumblefuck NH and might not be back until 6 or 7. SORRY!" Now this is totally fine - he told me in advance and that gives me time to plan. We agreed to touch base at 6, and I would eat dinner alone if he was going to be much later, or wait for him if he was close. I called him at 6. No response. He finally calls at 6:30 (forgot his phone in the car and was test-driving a car with his friend), says he'll be back by 7. Okay, I will wait. 7 comes...nothing. Emails me at 7:25 to say he's 10 minutes away. Shows up at 7:45. Okay. I understand that sometimes these things happen. I'm not mad.
So we went out and had a really romantic dinner, lots of talking about personal stuff (intimacy is cute, right?), great sex, and lots of cuddle time. Win.
Strike 2
He had warned me over dinner Thursday night that he had stupidly volunteered to host a trivia event Friday night that didn't start until 10 pm. Err...okay. Then I will just come to trivia? Nope, because it was a first-year student + accepted students only event. Fine. We made plans to meet up between 7 and 9:30, but then I decided that was stupid because I would have no plans after 9:30, so we just agreed I would call on my way home that night and sort things out.
So I texted him around midnight to see what was up. No response. I called him at 12:30. No response. I emailed him at 1:15 - he said "sorry, didn't have phone reception, still at the party.....gonna be here a while." Excuse me! (1) If you are going to meet up with someone and realize it's getting late, go ahead and sneak away to a place that does have phone reception to check. (2) You say that you want to spend time with me, so..um...come see me?
I went to bed. He snuck in at 2:30, scared the fuck out of me, so since I was awake we talked for an hour and then had great sex. We blissfully slept late, more sex, more talk, and he headed out around noon. Ya know, because he had more thankless jobs he needed to get to.
Strike 3
He had warned me over email Thursday morning that he had stupidly agreed to do the Safe Rides program Saturday night in which he drives drunk people around from 10 pm - 2 am. Oh okay, maybe I can just ride along with you? Nope, because he already had a "buddy" and they needed the free seats in the car. Okay. So I called him at midnight to let him know I was heading home and the door was unlocked.
I will admit that the next part isn't his fault, but I had a terrible stomach ache so instead of falling asleep I ended up writhing in pain instead. So I called him at 2:20 am, and he said he was "on the last run, and heading home soon". Flash forward to 3 am. "Sorry, people keep calling but I promise I'm on my way home soon". I say "you are only supposed to drive people around until 2 am, and if they are too late, tough shit." But of course, he feels bad, doesn't want to leave them stranded (they CAN call a taxi, FYI), and for some reason isn't annoyed that he's already gone through 2 tanks of gas that he won't get paid back for. Fine.
Flash forward to 4 am when he finally gets home. He gets into bed, we hug, cuddle. He tells me he needs to get up at 9 am so he can "say goodbye to the guy who he gave up his room to". So 5 hours later, his alarm goes off, he gets up, and I ask him to make sure that "his friend realizes he is giving up sex to say goodbye." The Klapper tells me that he'll come over later than evening and make it up to me. I said "I highly doubt that, because I know you are exhausted and haven't done any work this weekend".
And as predicted, he calls around 6 pm to tell me that he's exhausted and totally behind on work so he won't be coming over.
So, at this point, I didn't "yell" at him, but I think it was pretty clear through my tone/non-enthusiasm about planning something for later this week that I wasn't happy. So we talked for a while, mostly about how I don't understand why he keeps volunteering for thankless positions and why he puts the needs of casual acquaintances over those of his non-girlfriend or, more importantly, himself. He doesn't really know, but he at least is aware that he does that. My psychoanalysis is that he doesn't have a very close relationship with his parents, has no siblings, and I think tries to fill these void with stuff and by being unreasonably accommodating to others as an attempt to feel like he has a lot of friends. I'll probably just keep that to myself, for now.
So, I don't know. There was lots of apologizing. Lots of telling me how important I am to him. Even some discussion about how although he knows he said "in the past" that he doesn't want a girlfriend, he thinks of me as his "go-to" person and shares things with me that he has never told anyone before. That's all well and good, but I would much rather he starts taking care of himself and putting his needs over these crappy people around him who stick him with bills and bail on him for housing.
We made plans for Tuesday, but then I reminded him that he has a project due Wednesday, and it would be very bad for him to cancel on me again this week, and maybe we should plan for another day. So, we'll see.
I'm not sure if it's time to jump ship, or if I should just let this run it's course for another 5 weeks (at which point he goes to NYC, and I'm sure we won't try to carry on something long-distance with me).
So friend-wise, the weekend was actually pretty fun. Friday night we grilled and did whiskey and cigars, and Saturday was more of the same. Chill, fun, and a birthday lunch for my friend at Harpoon Brewery on Sunday. That stuff was all good.
Oh but The Klapper. So Sunday night he had flashed me this adorable smile and asked if he could stay at my place this weekend. Fear not, it wasn't because he wanted to spend time with me, I correctly guessed that he had given up his bedroom to an accepted student for Orientation Weekend. But ya know what, he could have just as easily asked a friend, so I counted this as a win.
Strike 1
Thursday night we had plans to get together, and he had requested we meet up around 5 or so because he needed to get home and do work. He emailed me that morning to say "oh shit, I forgot that I promised my friend I would drive him to see a car in Bumblefuck NH and might not be back until 6 or 7. SORRY!" Now this is totally fine - he told me in advance and that gives me time to plan. We agreed to touch base at 6, and I would eat dinner alone if he was going to be much later, or wait for him if he was close. I called him at 6. No response. He finally calls at 6:30 (forgot his phone in the car and was test-driving a car with his friend), says he'll be back by 7. Okay, I will wait. 7 comes...nothing. Emails me at 7:25 to say he's 10 minutes away. Shows up at 7:45. Okay. I understand that sometimes these things happen. I'm not mad.
So we went out and had a really romantic dinner, lots of talking about personal stuff (intimacy is cute, right?), great sex, and lots of cuddle time. Win.
Strike 2
He had warned me over dinner Thursday night that he had stupidly volunteered to host a trivia event Friday night that didn't start until 10 pm. Err...okay. Then I will just come to trivia? Nope, because it was a first-year student + accepted students only event. Fine. We made plans to meet up between 7 and 9:30, but then I decided that was stupid because I would have no plans after 9:30, so we just agreed I would call on my way home that night and sort things out.
So I texted him around midnight to see what was up. No response. I called him at 12:30. No response. I emailed him at 1:15 - he said "sorry, didn't have phone reception, still at the party.....gonna be here a while." Excuse me! (1) If you are going to meet up with someone and realize it's getting late, go ahead and sneak away to a place that does have phone reception to check. (2) You say that you want to spend time with me, so..um...come see me?
I went to bed. He snuck in at 2:30, scared the fuck out of me, so since I was awake we talked for an hour and then had great sex. We blissfully slept late, more sex, more talk, and he headed out around noon. Ya know, because he had more thankless jobs he needed to get to.
Strike 3
He had warned me over email Thursday morning that he had stupidly agreed to do the Safe Rides program Saturday night in which he drives drunk people around from 10 pm - 2 am. Oh okay, maybe I can just ride along with you? Nope, because he already had a "buddy" and they needed the free seats in the car. Okay. So I called him at midnight to let him know I was heading home and the door was unlocked.
I will admit that the next part isn't his fault, but I had a terrible stomach ache so instead of falling asleep I ended up writhing in pain instead. So I called him at 2:20 am, and he said he was "on the last run, and heading home soon". Flash forward to 3 am. "Sorry, people keep calling but I promise I'm on my way home soon". I say "you are only supposed to drive people around until 2 am, and if they are too late, tough shit." But of course, he feels bad, doesn't want to leave them stranded (they CAN call a taxi, FYI), and for some reason isn't annoyed that he's already gone through 2 tanks of gas that he won't get paid back for. Fine.
Flash forward to 4 am when he finally gets home. He gets into bed, we hug, cuddle. He tells me he needs to get up at 9 am so he can "say goodbye to the guy who he gave up his room to". So 5 hours later, his alarm goes off, he gets up, and I ask him to make sure that "his friend realizes he is giving up sex to say goodbye." The Klapper tells me that he'll come over later than evening and make it up to me. I said "I highly doubt that, because I know you are exhausted and haven't done any work this weekend".
And as predicted, he calls around 6 pm to tell me that he's exhausted and totally behind on work so he won't be coming over.
So, at this point, I didn't "yell" at him, but I think it was pretty clear through my tone/non-enthusiasm about planning something for later this week that I wasn't happy. So we talked for a while, mostly about how I don't understand why he keeps volunteering for thankless positions and why he puts the needs of casual acquaintances over those of his non-girlfriend or, more importantly, himself. He doesn't really know, but he at least is aware that he does that. My psychoanalysis is that he doesn't have a very close relationship with his parents, has no siblings, and I think tries to fill these void with stuff and by being unreasonably accommodating to others as an attempt to feel like he has a lot of friends. I'll probably just keep that to myself, for now.
So, I don't know. There was lots of apologizing. Lots of telling me how important I am to him. Even some discussion about how although he knows he said "in the past" that he doesn't want a girlfriend, he thinks of me as his "go-to" person and shares things with me that he has never told anyone before. That's all well and good, but I would much rather he starts taking care of himself and putting his needs over these crappy people around him who stick him with bills and bail on him for housing.
We made plans for Tuesday, but then I reminded him that he has a project due Wednesday, and it would be very bad for him to cancel on me again this week, and maybe we should plan for another day. So, we'll see.
I'm not sure if it's time to jump ship, or if I should just let this run it's course for another 5 weeks (at which point he goes to NYC, and I'm sure we won't try to carry on something long-distance with me).
Monday, April 11, 2011
3 outta 4 ain't bad
Reflecting on the closing paragraph of the last post, I am happy to say that:
(1) I passed my qualifying exam officially! I finally got to see my adviser's comments and (aside from the one I am rewriting), the comments were along the lines of "perfect", "textbook answer", and "this is exactly where I want your writing to be". Smile.
(2) I think I actually did a fairly good job on my exam this morning. I pulled a completely standard move of drinking a Dr. Pepper at 9 pm to study, which meant I didn't fall asleep until 4:30 am and got up at 6:00 am to do some last minute review. Typical. The exam was actually way harder/shittier than I expected (I guess when they said we will only test you on the big picture and not the details, they were lying). Still, I am thinking I did okay, and that is good enough for me.
(3) The Klapper is not going to London (hooray), but has been offered a spot in Mexico City for winter term. We're emailing about it, but I hope he goes "ewl" and decided to just pass on this silly "study abroad" notion.
(4) The loss. I am not going to be able to get to Amanda's bachelorette party in NYC this coming weekend. :( Turns out The Klapper is driving to NJ for Easter, so I was a weekend off. Boo.
So yeah...that's about it for now. I have a ton of work to do tonight (of course), but at least I got to fit in a few hours with The Klapper last night (he simply could not wait to see me upon his arrival from Vegas..smile) and once I get through 2 pm tomorrow I can actually take a breather.
(1) I passed my qualifying exam officially! I finally got to see my adviser's comments and (aside from the one I am rewriting), the comments were along the lines of "perfect", "textbook answer", and "this is exactly where I want your writing to be". Smile.
(2) I think I actually did a fairly good job on my exam this morning. I pulled a completely standard move of drinking a Dr. Pepper at 9 pm to study, which meant I didn't fall asleep until 4:30 am and got up at 6:00 am to do some last minute review. Typical. The exam was actually way harder/shittier than I expected (I guess when they said we will only test you on the big picture and not the details, they were lying). Still, I am thinking I did okay, and that is good enough for me.
(3) The Klapper is not going to London (hooray), but has been offered a spot in Mexico City for winter term. We're emailing about it, but I hope he goes "ewl" and decided to just pass on this silly "study abroad" notion.
(4) The loss. I am not going to be able to get to Amanda's bachelorette party in NYC this coming weekend. :( Turns out The Klapper is driving to NJ for Easter, so I was a weekend off. Boo.
So yeah...that's about it for now. I have a ton of work to do tonight (of course), but at least I got to fit in a few hours with The Klapper last night (he simply could not wait to see me upon his arrival from Vegas..smile) and once I get through 2 pm tomorrow I can actually take a breather.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I do NOT feel like working tonight
so I'm going to blog instead, because it means I'm not doing work. I'm also exhausted - which means this will be a totally random and poorly narrated series of thoughts.
1. I passed my adviser's portion of my exam! She sent me this totally mind-fucking email Tuesday morning saying "My grades are in as of yesterday! So now we're just waiting for the last person.:)". With anyone else this would mean I passed, but emoticons and "!" are par for any email from her, so it meant nothing. I finally got sick of wondering and directly asked her, and she said I did pass, my writing was very good, but I will need to rewrite that one questions I did terribly on ("fix glaring errors"), but I pass regardless of the rewrite. So, not the MOST exciting, but I passed, and that is what matters.
So, now I am just waiting on my last committee member to read my essays, and then I will find out if I passed. Hooray!
2. I went back and re-read the first 60 or so entries from my blog a few days ago, and (1) they are hilarious, (2) I was so fucking miserable, and (3) I did a terrible job keeping my name out of the writing. Oh well..it was fun to look back.
3. Good Beer Night - so Saturday night a couple of us got together to drink good beers, and it was awesome. I tried a bunch of new fun things, and it was just awesome to sit around with a few friends (very few of us actually like good beer, turns out), and talk about fun ideas for the summer.
4. The Klapper! He came over Sunday and I also got to see him Tuesday, and it was wonderful. I'm totally falling for him. He interviewed today to find out if he will be going to London for winter term next year. I REALLY hope he doesn't get it, but I bet he will because he's awesome and the universe hates me. He's also in Vegas for the weekend so I won't see him for a bit, but I guess that is sort of perfect timing because I need to work all weekend.
5. Amanda's bachelorette party! AHHH!! So everyone is getting together in NYC next weekend and I really, really want to go. I totally need a break from work and would love to spend time around people I love and miss. I obviously cannot afford to travel to NYC and stay in a hotel all weekend, BUT, it just might work because The Klapper is possibly driving home to NJ and I might be able to stay with Caitlin. How awesome and unlikely would it be for something to finally work out and let me get away from Hanover for a weekend?
6. Spending the weekend studying. I cannot tell you how distraught I am to know that I will need to spend my entire weekend studying for a neuroanatomy quiz Monday morning. It's also this awful format where there are only 25 multiple choice questions, which ensures that (1) I will talk myself out of the correct answer and (2) will likely know every single topic except the random one that comes up on the test. Fuck.
7. Paper writing! I had this really awesome meeting with my adviser on Monday (awesome because she was loopy from cold meds) and convinced her to let me write the paper that followed from our data instead of the paper she wanted me to write. Success! This is not to say that I am any closer to having something decent to publish, but it's a huge help to be able to write something that I understand and believe in, instead of a paper that I don't really see any point to.
So, I suppose that's all of it. Here's hoping to a productive weekend and that the next post will be like "I passed my exam, I killed my neuroanatomy test, The Klapper is not going to London, and I am going to Amanda's bachelorette weekend". I can dream, right?
1. I passed my adviser's portion of my exam! She sent me this totally mind-fucking email Tuesday morning saying "My grades are in as of yesterday! So now we're just waiting for the last person.:)". With anyone else this would mean I passed, but emoticons and "!" are par for any email from her, so it meant nothing. I finally got sick of wondering and directly asked her, and she said I did pass, my writing was very good, but I will need to rewrite that one questions I did terribly on ("fix glaring errors"), but I pass regardless of the rewrite. So, not the MOST exciting, but I passed, and that is what matters.
So, now I am just waiting on my last committee member to read my essays, and then I will find out if I passed. Hooray!
2. I went back and re-read the first 60 or so entries from my blog a few days ago, and (1) they are hilarious, (2) I was so fucking miserable, and (3) I did a terrible job keeping my name out of the writing. Oh well..it was fun to look back.
3. Good Beer Night - so Saturday night a couple of us got together to drink good beers, and it was awesome. I tried a bunch of new fun things, and it was just awesome to sit around with a few friends (very few of us actually like good beer, turns out), and talk about fun ideas for the summer.
4. The Klapper! He came over Sunday and I also got to see him Tuesday, and it was wonderful. I'm totally falling for him. He interviewed today to find out if he will be going to London for winter term next year. I REALLY hope he doesn't get it, but I bet he will because he's awesome and the universe hates me. He's also in Vegas for the weekend so I won't see him for a bit, but I guess that is sort of perfect timing because I need to work all weekend.
5. Amanda's bachelorette party! AHHH!! So everyone is getting together in NYC next weekend and I really, really want to go. I totally need a break from work and would love to spend time around people I love and miss. I obviously cannot afford to travel to NYC and stay in a hotel all weekend, BUT, it just might work because The Klapper is possibly driving home to NJ and I might be able to stay with Caitlin. How awesome and unlikely would it be for something to finally work out and let me get away from Hanover for a weekend?
6. Spending the weekend studying. I cannot tell you how distraught I am to know that I will need to spend my entire weekend studying for a neuroanatomy quiz Monday morning. It's also this awful format where there are only 25 multiple choice questions, which ensures that (1) I will talk myself out of the correct answer and (2) will likely know every single topic except the random one that comes up on the test. Fuck.
7. Paper writing! I had this really awesome meeting with my adviser on Monday (awesome because she was loopy from cold meds) and convinced her to let me write the paper that followed from our data instead of the paper she wanted me to write. Success! This is not to say that I am any closer to having something decent to publish, but it's a huge help to be able to write something that I understand and believe in, instead of a paper that I don't really see any point to.
So, I suppose that's all of it. Here's hoping to a productive weekend and that the next post will be like "I passed my exam, I killed my neuroanatomy test, The Klapper is not going to London, and I am going to Amanda's bachelorette weekend". I can dream, right?
Saturday, April 2, 2011
One goes up, One goes down
Allow me to preach for the choir for a moment - why is it that everything can't just go right for once? Now granted, I appreciate that everything isn't complete shit, but I'd just like to feel in control of things in my life for a 5 day period. Okay?
Starting with good stuff - I finally had a really good talk with The Klapper last night that gave me a lot of clarity on the situation. First, it was very cute because he had plans for the night but really wanted to see me, so he met up with me and my friends at the bar around 8:30 and hung out with all of us for a while. Awkwardly...boy wasn't kidding about being awkward in larger groups, but it was still very cute. Then we were going to head to a party with his friends (yes, I was actually allowed to go) but we..um..got sidetracked and went back to my place instead.
Issues of Clarity:
1. Did he actually like me before / IS he embarrassed to be seen with me?
He actually brought this up when I was like "wait, you would actually let me go to this party? With you? In public?". I explained that in the beginning I knew he was attracted to me, but was pretty sure he wished he wasn't and didn't want his friends to know who I was. And I also brought up the fact that I'm still a really segregated part of his life.
He was shocked that I didn't think he liked me, but told me he had just gotten out of a bad relationship and was/is very cautious. I can respect that. As for the segregation aspect, he admitted that he likes to keep his worlds separate, but said it was more because he sort of hates his life apart from me (jackass friends, too much work, stress, blah) and likes to escape all that with me and (more recently) my friends. I'm not sure I totally buy this explanation, but he has definitely been making more of an effort to see me, meet my friends, and incorporate me into his life. I actually felt really stupid last night because he (a) asked if he could stay over (something I have been wanting) and (b) asked me to go skiing tomorrow. And, like a jerk, I said no and no. But I'm exhausted...and I needed a good night of sleep.
2. Are we dating?
We were lying in bed and having one of those sweet conversations where you tell each other how much you like them and why you like them. Very cute.
Me: So, I mean...we both really like each other...are we dating?
Klapper: I mean, obviously. Duh.
Me: Okay, but I asked you before and you said we weren't.
Klapper: When did that happen? I wouldn't have said that.
Me: When I asked you if I was your girlfriend.
*silence*
Klapper: Look, I really like you, I think this is working really well, can't we just be cool with things? I really don't want a girlfriend. Please don't make me think about these things.
Me: ....um...huh? We're dating but I'm not your girlfriend..that is confusing.
So then he explained that his last 2 girlfriends were insane control freaks who made his life miserable, and he felt like everything was "I am your girlfriend so you MUST do this!", and there was just a ton of obligation related to having a girlfriend.
Okay! Finally some clarity! Boyfriend-girlfriend terms have always just been a natural thing for me to assume with relationships, but I also wasn't in relationships were I felt people pulled crap like that. So, I think it was a good talk. And I think I understand better why he pushes back a bit on certain topics. Good to know.
Either way, I can be very happy right now knowing I am a priority for him and that each time we hang out seems to be better than the last time.
So now for the bad stuff - I HATE science. I still haven't heard back about that exam (I'll let y'all know) but the obligations and pressures of grad school are totally getting to me. My adviser is pushing me to write up a paper that doesn't make any sense, and it is killing my soul. We ran this study to address a very specific question, and I could write that up very easily and be really happy. INSTEAD, she wants to write up a different aspect of the study first that doesn't have clear questions and makes writing and analyzing impossibly difficult. So, I spent like 10 hours running analyses and writing up results, and then we decide to go in a different direction and it was all wasted time. FRUSTRATION. And there is no way out of this..so I feel myself just going numb and trying to go with things..which I don't like.
I would probably be more ready to handle this, but I am so exhausted from this early morning anatomy class that I spend the entire day as an exhausted mess. We had our first dissection lab on Friday, which was neat, but it just makes me realize how much I don't know that the other people in my class seem to have a handle on. Blerg.
My Wish:
Here is what I would like. For just one week, The Klapper is good and not confusing, my adviser makes helpful and clear suggestions and provides useful feedback that doesn't attack my soul, and I wake up feeling rested and in control of my mental abilities for the day. Is this too much? Obviously. Duh.
Starting with good stuff - I finally had a really good talk with The Klapper last night that gave me a lot of clarity on the situation. First, it was very cute because he had plans for the night but really wanted to see me, so he met up with me and my friends at the bar around 8:30 and hung out with all of us for a while. Awkwardly...boy wasn't kidding about being awkward in larger groups, but it was still very cute. Then we were going to head to a party with his friends (yes, I was actually allowed to go) but we..um..got sidetracked and went back to my place instead.
Issues of Clarity:
1. Did he actually like me before / IS he embarrassed to be seen with me?
He actually brought this up when I was like "wait, you would actually let me go to this party? With you? In public?". I explained that in the beginning I knew he was attracted to me, but was pretty sure he wished he wasn't and didn't want his friends to know who I was. And I also brought up the fact that I'm still a really segregated part of his life.
He was shocked that I didn't think he liked me, but told me he had just gotten out of a bad relationship and was/is very cautious. I can respect that. As for the segregation aspect, he admitted that he likes to keep his worlds separate, but said it was more because he sort of hates his life apart from me (jackass friends, too much work, stress, blah) and likes to escape all that with me and (more recently) my friends. I'm not sure I totally buy this explanation, but he has definitely been making more of an effort to see me, meet my friends, and incorporate me into his life. I actually felt really stupid last night because he (a) asked if he could stay over (something I have been wanting) and (b) asked me to go skiing tomorrow. And, like a jerk, I said no and no. But I'm exhausted...and I needed a good night of sleep.
2. Are we dating?
We were lying in bed and having one of those sweet conversations where you tell each other how much you like them and why you like them. Very cute.
Me: So, I mean...we both really like each other...are we dating?
Klapper: I mean, obviously. Duh.
Me: Okay, but I asked you before and you said we weren't.
Klapper: When did that happen? I wouldn't have said that.
Me: When I asked you if I was your girlfriend.
*silence*
Klapper: Look, I really like you, I think this is working really well, can't we just be cool with things? I really don't want a girlfriend. Please don't make me think about these things.
Me: ....um...huh? We're dating but I'm not your girlfriend..that is confusing.
So then he explained that his last 2 girlfriends were insane control freaks who made his life miserable, and he felt like everything was "I am your girlfriend so you MUST do this!", and there was just a ton of obligation related to having a girlfriend.
Okay! Finally some clarity! Boyfriend-girlfriend terms have always just been a natural thing for me to assume with relationships, but I also wasn't in relationships were I felt people pulled crap like that. So, I think it was a good talk. And I think I understand better why he pushes back a bit on certain topics. Good to know.
Either way, I can be very happy right now knowing I am a priority for him and that each time we hang out seems to be better than the last time.
So now for the bad stuff - I HATE science. I still haven't heard back about that exam (I'll let y'all know) but the obligations and pressures of grad school are totally getting to me. My adviser is pushing me to write up a paper that doesn't make any sense, and it is killing my soul. We ran this study to address a very specific question, and I could write that up very easily and be really happy. INSTEAD, she wants to write up a different aspect of the study first that doesn't have clear questions and makes writing and analyzing impossibly difficult. So, I spent like 10 hours running analyses and writing up results, and then we decide to go in a different direction and it was all wasted time. FRUSTRATION. And there is no way out of this..so I feel myself just going numb and trying to go with things..which I don't like.
I would probably be more ready to handle this, but I am so exhausted from this early morning anatomy class that I spend the entire day as an exhausted mess. We had our first dissection lab on Friday, which was neat, but it just makes me realize how much I don't know that the other people in my class seem to have a handle on. Blerg.
My Wish:
Here is what I would like. For just one week, The Klapper is good and not confusing, my adviser makes helpful and clear suggestions and provides useful feedback that doesn't attack my soul, and I wake up feeling rested and in control of my mental abilities for the day. Is this too much? Obviously. Duh.
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