I know, super descriptive title. World is spiraling - it's all I could muster.
So spiraling. I ran out of my allergy meds and had to go the weekend without them. Did I mention I'm super allergic to fall? I'm super allergic to fall. So I am completely miserable right now. Walked into a meeting and my adviser said "wow, you look terrrrrible." Win.
ALSO, operation ceiling is a fucking bust. My dad and I whipped through the ceiling in 6.5 hours on Saturday, and it was hard but so satisfying when it was done. So last night was the first night the people above me were home. Now, things are still uncertain because I was up at 6 am anyway due to allergies, but it was definitely still super loud when the bitch upstairs got up at 6:15. It's so clear that she has given up any semblance of trying to be respectful. But, it was a little better, so I am hoping that maybe adding a 4th white noise machine and hoping that she starts wearing socks when it gets cold will ultimately hold me over. Still, I'm totally depressed that it didn't work. Dare to dream!
Klapper! AHHHHHH. Saturday was supposed to be an awesome night - It was going to start by getting dinner with The Klapper and his roomates, then all of my friends were going to hit up karaoke for a few hours and then head to a bar in Hanover that was trying a "club night" for the first time. And yes, that is a big deal in Hanover, we have nowhere to dance. I was banking on this night being good, and that is probably where it went so horribly wrong.
So I checked in with The Klapper mid-afternoon and, funny story, he blacked out for 4-5 hours the night prior and woke up covered in mud with his head on the toilet. Awesome. I got to his place and his roommates weren't ready, and then we couldn't find a place to eat, so I had to bail on meeting up with my friends and carpooling so we could head to the karaoke place earlier to get dinner. Well okay, fine. His roommates and I were having a great time...The Klapper looked like he wanted to die.
My friends eventually showed up and it was a challenge to get like 15 people all together, so we sort of divided up by class and I had to hop between my friends, the new grad students, and The Klapper and his roomates. His roommates eventually left, and it just went downhill. Our group took over the karaoke machine, and were dancing and drinking and having an awesome time, and The Klapper was sitting at the bar, facing away from us, completely miserable, not engaging with anyone.
Then came the awkward part where I was..not angry, but disappointed that he was acting like this and kind of embarrassing me, and then he got upset that I wasn't more understanding. AHH!! It's not like I was yelling at him, just ya know..I would look at his miserable little face and say "I wish you were feeling better so my friends could get to know you better and understand why I like you so much." Fail.
So I ended up taking him home (read: so we could have sex and I could let him pass out) with the plan to meet up with my friends at the dance club later. I never got a text from them, so finally I texted out and apparently they couldn't get in and the groups had gone to totally different places and it was lame. And then came the sadness spiral.
I was looking at a picture on The Klapper's dresser of him and his best friends on a roadtrip and I just...became overwhelmingly sad that I wasn't in DC, with my DC friends, doing DC things, and being with a man who loved me (no, I'm not missing Mr. Big, I'm missing being in love, there is a difference). So I went home and cried. And it was sad. And then I had to call The Klapper Sunday to apologize for basically running out of his place without saying goodbye.
But that being said, I still had fun Saturday night and Sunday my friend who moved away was back in town and we all got together to do a Faux Thanksgiving type thing, which was a blast.
And that leaves us with the issue of work. AHHHHH. No matter what I do, I am always behind on work. The only thing I take solace in is that my relationship with my adviser has never been better, and I continue to surprise her with the fact that I am only mildly retarded and not fully retarded. So that's nice. I am desperately trying to meet the 100's of deadlines before Dec 15th, and then I am taking some serious time off.
Other stuff this week - I'm putting together a super amazing Double Dare costume with a friend for Halloween which is going to be amazing. Also, it appears that the super long talk with The Klapper last Thursday did some good (I don't think I blogged about that, we had a big old discussion with some yelling -directed at me- but I think we both understood each other better and we're making concessions towards driving each other less crazy). He's been good about contacting me every day and sending out his schedule for the week so we can make plans. Maybe he's learning.
Okay that's all I can muster, should be a fun weekend coming up though.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Two steps forward.....
Oh that Klapper - he scored major bonus points Friday night by letting me grab dinner and hang out with his roomates/friends from out of town. He even offered to let me stay, which I declined because I thought it would be awkward (hey meet my girlfriend, now listen to us fuck loudly enough that her upstairs neighbor assaulted her), but I appreciated the gesture. We had previously discussed that we would probably not have sex Friday night because of his friends, so I had made it clear that we would need to find some time over the weekend.
So Sunday I texted him early to find out his schedule, and around 4:30 he told me it didn't look good because "he had some work to do and he had to play beer pong". Beer pong over sex. Yes, you read that correctly. So I gave him shit for that (playfully, at that point I was over the idea of seeing him) and he ended up coming by for..maybe 35 minutes... Then he had the audacity to tell ME that HE felt used. Bitch please. And finally, I was commenting that a week without sex is not okay, and he made some comment like "this makes me wonder what you do when I'm away for longer periods of time". Again, bitch please. It's insane to go a week without sex when he's spending time playing beer pong with first year Tuck students he barely likes, BUT, that's apples and oranges compared to when someone is gone for a few weeks and you're committed to being faithful. Just, whatever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say this, but spending time with his friends from NYC made me realize (again) that I'm more physically attracted to them and also get along with them better personality wise. Too bad I can't make a switch.
And of course, as I'm typing this out I get an okcupid.com message with the text "do you want to aneything some time . i love choclate to." Just a reminder of the quality of the man waiting for me to date if I dump The Klapper.
Other than all that, the weekend was busy but fun. I worked from 9 am until 8 pm Saturday and Sunday, but Saturday night I went out with all the first year grad students and we had an absolute blast. We tried to do karaoke, but the bar was having a party so we just got drunk and played charades and other games that I know from summer camp. I couldn't help but think that my usual friends would probably not be caught dead in a crowded bar playing charades. Nice to get a break from them at times.
Finally, operation new ceiling is progressing nicely. The parents were up to buy supplies Sunday, and we have everything ready to get the ceiling done this coming Saturday. Excited!
So Sunday I texted him early to find out his schedule, and around 4:30 he told me it didn't look good because "he had some work to do and he had to play beer pong". Beer pong over sex. Yes, you read that correctly. So I gave him shit for that (playfully, at that point I was over the idea of seeing him) and he ended up coming by for..maybe 35 minutes... Then he had the audacity to tell ME that HE felt used. Bitch please. And finally, I was commenting that a week without sex is not okay, and he made some comment like "this makes me wonder what you do when I'm away for longer periods of time". Again, bitch please. It's insane to go a week without sex when he's spending time playing beer pong with first year Tuck students he barely likes, BUT, that's apples and oranges compared to when someone is gone for a few weeks and you're committed to being faithful. Just, whatever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say this, but spending time with his friends from NYC made me realize (again) that I'm more physically attracted to them and also get along with them better personality wise. Too bad I can't make a switch.
And of course, as I'm typing this out I get an okcupid.com message with the text "do you want to aneything some time . i love choclate to." Just a reminder of the quality of the man waiting for me to date if I dump The Klapper.
Other than all that, the weekend was busy but fun. I worked from 9 am until 8 pm Saturday and Sunday, but Saturday night I went out with all the first year grad students and we had an absolute blast. We tried to do karaoke, but the bar was having a party so we just got drunk and played charades and other games that I know from summer camp. I couldn't help but think that my usual friends would probably not be caught dead in a crowded bar playing charades. Nice to get a break from them at times.
Finally, operation new ceiling is progressing nicely. The parents were up to buy supplies Sunday, and we have everything ready to get the ceiling done this coming Saturday. Excited!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
For just 24 hours, everything worked out right
I'm writing this now because I assume my house is about to fall down on me to counterbalance all the good things.
The Klapper came over last night and we had a lovely little slumber party.
He came with me to the car repair shop this morning where something amazing happened. The original estimate was $1,200 and 3 days without a car (though The Klapper offered me his car). That seemed ridiculous given the fact that my mom effectively destroyed any chance of this car looking nice years ago. So we talked it down to $600, but that still seemed high. So we were thinking things over and the mechanic said he wanted to try something...he got down on the ground, unscrewed the front bumper, pounded it back into shape with his front hand, re-attached it so it was no longer hanging off, and used a cleaning agent to take the transferred white paint off the car. So, to sum, the car now looked better than it did after I ran it into my friends' garage back in January. Total cost? $0. I begged him to let me give him some sort of compensation, but he said no.
So, following this, I got to write the mom back and basically tell her that instead of $1,200 and 3 days of a rental car, she needed to give me $0 for a repair job I am totally happy with. Her response - she's sending me an unspecified amount of money to compensate me for my time, and they think I am amazing. Win. No, double win.
And, this means I can use whatever money she sends me towards putting in the new drop ceiling in my condo. WIN!
ALSO, today I submitted my first grad school manuscript! There is no chance it's getting into this journal, but at least it is off my plate and the process can at least get started.
ALSO, the chair of the department (who is a giant bag of curmudgeon) stopped me in the hall this evening to tell me that he was "incredibly impressed by the questions I asked during a talk we both attended this week." That is by far the nicest praise I have ever received during my time in grad school.
And finally, this week has been non-stop from the time I get into the office until I shut down the computer around 11 pm BUT the work is finally starting to pay off and come together.
Alright, I'm prepared for the shit to now commence - but at least I got to feel like things were going my way for 24 hours.
The Klapper came over last night and we had a lovely little slumber party.
He came with me to the car repair shop this morning where something amazing happened. The original estimate was $1,200 and 3 days without a car (though The Klapper offered me his car). That seemed ridiculous given the fact that my mom effectively destroyed any chance of this car looking nice years ago. So we talked it down to $600, but that still seemed high. So we were thinking things over and the mechanic said he wanted to try something...he got down on the ground, unscrewed the front bumper, pounded it back into shape with his front hand, re-attached it so it was no longer hanging off, and used a cleaning agent to take the transferred white paint off the car. So, to sum, the car now looked better than it did after I ran it into my friends' garage back in January. Total cost? $0. I begged him to let me give him some sort of compensation, but he said no.
So, following this, I got to write the mom back and basically tell her that instead of $1,200 and 3 days of a rental car, she needed to give me $0 for a repair job I am totally happy with. Her response - she's sending me an unspecified amount of money to compensate me for my time, and they think I am amazing. Win. No, double win.
And, this means I can use whatever money she sends me towards putting in the new drop ceiling in my condo. WIN!
ALSO, today I submitted my first grad school manuscript! There is no chance it's getting into this journal, but at least it is off my plate and the process can at least get started.
ALSO, the chair of the department (who is a giant bag of curmudgeon) stopped me in the hall this evening to tell me that he was "incredibly impressed by the questions I asked during a talk we both attended this week." That is by far the nicest praise I have ever received during my time in grad school.
And finally, this week has been non-stop from the time I get into the office until I shut down the computer around 11 pm BUT the work is finally starting to pay off and come together.
Alright, I'm prepared for the shit to now commence - but at least I got to feel like things were going my way for 24 hours.
Monday, October 3, 2011
...and that is the problem with Sneaky Hate Spirals
So like..seconds after I finished that last blog post, The Klapper obviously sensed a disturbance in the force and called. And I gave him an out of like "I think 1/2 my emotions are valid and 1/2 are insane, so maybe we should just talk tomorrow when I'm cooler headed.." But no, he said he would never learn if we didn't just talk..so OMG did we talk. About everything. And it was a very good and honest conversation, and I finally didn't hold back.
I think there are still some major mismatches in our perspective on relationships, etc. but we at least understand where each of us are coming from. He is still massive baggage from past relationships and very weary of getting involved when my future location is uncertain, and I was very honest about how that makes me feel (as well as how a lot of his nonsense makes me feel). So, from my side, I have agreed to be more understanding about the fact that he is busy and sometimes stuff just comes up that he can't predict. And, from his side, he's going to do a better job making me feel like a significant part of his life by having me come out with his friends and doing a better job of fitting me into his schedule. We'll see. Most importantly, we finally got through the "girlfriend" business and now it's not this big elephant in the room.
Moving on, I had an incredibly awkward experience tonight when my upstairs neighbor berated me about having loud sex with "my boyfriend". I went up to bring her the new rug I bought, and she immediately pulled me outside and was like "listen, we need to talk about you and your boyfriend..I have a 10 year old daughter and what you two do is just inappropriate. The other night it was so bad she asked 'What is that noise? Is someone hurt?' and I had to turn the tv up full blast. So, you two need to keep it down."
So obviously I was a little shocked by this, but I apologized and promised I would keep it down and was really sorry. Then she said "look, the landlord put down more of the rug, if it's still too loud you're just going to have to deal with it, because I'm not putting down another carpet."
Jeez. I like that she is indignant about an issue related to thin walls, and yet is unwilling to put down a carpet that I BOUGHT FOR HER to try to solve my problem related to thin walls. Operation New Ceiling will be in full effect, and I guess I can probably deal with keeping things down since she's gone 3 nights a week. But still..why did she have to be such a bitch about it? Oh, and she also told me that her work schedule changed and now she will be up even earlier. Win.
I think there are still some major mismatches in our perspective on relationships, etc. but we at least understand where each of us are coming from. He is still massive baggage from past relationships and very weary of getting involved when my future location is uncertain, and I was very honest about how that makes me feel (as well as how a lot of his nonsense makes me feel). So, from my side, I have agreed to be more understanding about the fact that he is busy and sometimes stuff just comes up that he can't predict. And, from his side, he's going to do a better job making me feel like a significant part of his life by having me come out with his friends and doing a better job of fitting me into his schedule. We'll see. Most importantly, we finally got through the "girlfriend" business and now it's not this big elephant in the room.
Moving on, I had an incredibly awkward experience tonight when my upstairs neighbor berated me about having loud sex with "my boyfriend". I went up to bring her the new rug I bought, and she immediately pulled me outside and was like "listen, we need to talk about you and your boyfriend..I have a 10 year old daughter and what you two do is just inappropriate. The other night it was so bad she asked 'What is that noise? Is someone hurt?' and I had to turn the tv up full blast. So, you two need to keep it down."
So obviously I was a little shocked by this, but I apologized and promised I would keep it down and was really sorry. Then she said "look, the landlord put down more of the rug, if it's still too loud you're just going to have to deal with it, because I'm not putting down another carpet."
Jeez. I like that she is indignant about an issue related to thin walls, and yet is unwilling to put down a carpet that I BOUGHT FOR HER to try to solve my problem related to thin walls. Operation New Ceiling will be in full effect, and I guess I can probably deal with keeping things down since she's gone 3 nights a week. But still..why did she have to be such a bitch about it? Oh, and she also told me that her work schedule changed and now she will be up even earlier. Win.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Was that really my weekend?
That didn't feel like much of a weekend :(.
Friday night we did go out dancing (The Cave!), which was a lot of fun...and bonus that I wasn't drunk when I got home because I actually got a good night of sleep.
Saturday I spent most of the day grading papers - wait, I want to talk about this. I am teaching juniors and seniors, at an Ivy League school, who had to pass 3 prerequisite classes to get in - and 5 of the 12 papers contained introductory or concluding paragraphs that consisted of 1 sentence. And only 2 of the 12 did correct APA style citations. Not even consistently wrong...they just had no fucking idea what they were doing. Awful. And then I spent Saturday night babysitting. Oh yeah, and the mom backed up into my car. And freaked out. And is so embarrassed that she doesn't want to book any more sitting nights until this whole thing is behind us (yes they are paying for the repairs, etc.). Great. Crunch my car AND take away my income. On the plus side, she backed into the same spot on my car that I had hit back out of a garage - so win?
Finally, today I woke up super energized and had an amazingly productive day, so I guess that's good.
And what blog post would be complete without complaints about The Klapper. That boy done be driving me crazy. Thursday night we had an incredibly magical date night. One of those great 3 hour dinners, where everyone in the restaurant is thinking "my god that couple looks happy", and we had AMAZING sex and he kept saying ridiculous shit about how amazing I am and how lucky he is to be with me. Sounds good? Well sure, but actions speak louder than words.
(1) He has a really shitty relationship with his real dad, but has a very good relationship with a former undergrad professor who is sort of his surrogate dad. Like, they spend weekends together, talk every other week, etc. So his surrogate dad was coming up to Dartmouth for the entire weekend...and I guess I stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, I might be worthy of meeting him. Well, I wasn't, but he made sure that his best friend had lunch with him. The same best friend who stabbed him in the back with his whole housing debacle. Did I mention I made him my famous chocolate chip cookies from scratch on Thursday as a surprise. Doesn't that buy me awesome status!
(2) Speaking of him treating his best friend better than his non-girlfriend, they just got back from a trip to Germany (which is cool), and he is already planning another trip in December to include a 2 week trip around South America, a quick trip home for Christmas, and then New Years in Japan with his bestie. Call me stupid, but I've always felt like New Years was one of those holidays that you spend with the person you have been fucking for a year. The conversation went something like this:
Klapper: I'm going to Japan for New Years.
Me: Oh...I had sort of hoped that maybe we could do something for New Years.
Klapper: ...Japan.
Me: Okay fine, but you realize this leaves me with no other option that another New Years sexy party?
Klapper: Well, but you could like..go again and just watch.
Me: (Silence)
Klapper: Right?
Me: (flashed him a look that basically said I plan on being part of a train this New Years).
Klapper: Well, we'll see.
(3) Okay I'm just unloading nonsense here, but something that annoyed me this summer was that the two times I came to visit, he was basically out funneling grain alcohol until 5 am the night before and was exhausted when I showed up. Oh but his surrogate dad was coming for the weekend - then he HAD to get to bed early both nights. Ya know, had to be fresh for someone he actually gives a shit about.
(4) Back to Thursday night dinner, there was an incredibly awkward conversation in which "summer dating" came up. This is not something you discuss with someone you care about, right? Amusing story, he went on one date and had drinks with some girl who never texted him back when he asked for a second date. Loser. There was also a great moment when I was talking about "The Dealbreaker" and he was like "um..how did you find out he doesn't perform oral sex?". Me: "It came up over drinks".
(5) Well now I'm just getting sucked into a sneaky hate spiral. Part of the reason you agree to have exclusive sex with someone is to have sex. With someone. Regularly. And especially on weekend nights. I made a comment about wanting to see him at SOME point this weekend, and he said "well maybe Sunday", but of course, something came up, and he strung me along until about 9:30, and then he's busy Monday and I'm busy Tuesday. YOU LIVE 10 MINUTES FROM ME! Find a 50 minute break in your fucking day to come over and plow me!!!!
Okay rant over. But seriously, this can't keep going. I'm going to have to sit him down and explain that all the sweet talk and "I'm so lucky" and "I miss you's" and staring into my eyes until I look away feeling awkward need to end. I'm fine with this being pure and simple sex, but it really fucks with my head when he starts to say/do that shit. I'm obvious looking for something better so I can drop him, but I'm just not willing to fall back into the dark cave of celibacy and one night stands.
Friday night we did go out dancing (The Cave!), which was a lot of fun...and bonus that I wasn't drunk when I got home because I actually got a good night of sleep.
Saturday I spent most of the day grading papers - wait, I want to talk about this. I am teaching juniors and seniors, at an Ivy League school, who had to pass 3 prerequisite classes to get in - and 5 of the 12 papers contained introductory or concluding paragraphs that consisted of 1 sentence. And only 2 of the 12 did correct APA style citations. Not even consistently wrong...they just had no fucking idea what they were doing. Awful. And then I spent Saturday night babysitting. Oh yeah, and the mom backed up into my car. And freaked out. And is so embarrassed that she doesn't want to book any more sitting nights until this whole thing is behind us (yes they are paying for the repairs, etc.). Great. Crunch my car AND take away my income. On the plus side, she backed into the same spot on my car that I had hit back out of a garage - so win?
Finally, today I woke up super energized and had an amazingly productive day, so I guess that's good.
And what blog post would be complete without complaints about The Klapper. That boy done be driving me crazy. Thursday night we had an incredibly magical date night. One of those great 3 hour dinners, where everyone in the restaurant is thinking "my god that couple looks happy", and we had AMAZING sex and he kept saying ridiculous shit about how amazing I am and how lucky he is to be with me. Sounds good? Well sure, but actions speak louder than words.
(1) He has a really shitty relationship with his real dad, but has a very good relationship with a former undergrad professor who is sort of his surrogate dad. Like, they spend weekends together, talk every other week, etc. So his surrogate dad was coming up to Dartmouth for the entire weekend...and I guess I stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, I might be worthy of meeting him. Well, I wasn't, but he made sure that his best friend had lunch with him. The same best friend who stabbed him in the back with his whole housing debacle. Did I mention I made him my famous chocolate chip cookies from scratch on Thursday as a surprise. Doesn't that buy me awesome status!
(2) Speaking of him treating his best friend better than his non-girlfriend, they just got back from a trip to Germany (which is cool), and he is already planning another trip in December to include a 2 week trip around South America, a quick trip home for Christmas, and then New Years in Japan with his bestie. Call me stupid, but I've always felt like New Years was one of those holidays that you spend with the person you have been fucking for a year. The conversation went something like this:
Klapper: I'm going to Japan for New Years.
Me: Oh...I had sort of hoped that maybe we could do something for New Years.
Klapper: ...Japan.
Me: Okay fine, but you realize this leaves me with no other option that another New Years sexy party?
Klapper: Well, but you could like..go again and just watch.
Me: (Silence)
Klapper: Right?
Me: (flashed him a look that basically said I plan on being part of a train this New Years).
Klapper: Well, we'll see.
(3) Okay I'm just unloading nonsense here, but something that annoyed me this summer was that the two times I came to visit, he was basically out funneling grain alcohol until 5 am the night before and was exhausted when I showed up. Oh but his surrogate dad was coming for the weekend - then he HAD to get to bed early both nights. Ya know, had to be fresh for someone he actually gives a shit about.
(4) Back to Thursday night dinner, there was an incredibly awkward conversation in which "summer dating" came up. This is not something you discuss with someone you care about, right? Amusing story, he went on one date and had drinks with some girl who never texted him back when he asked for a second date. Loser. There was also a great moment when I was talking about "The Dealbreaker" and he was like "um..how did you find out he doesn't perform oral sex?". Me: "It came up over drinks".
(5) Well now I'm just getting sucked into a sneaky hate spiral. Part of the reason you agree to have exclusive sex with someone is to have sex. With someone. Regularly. And especially on weekend nights. I made a comment about wanting to see him at SOME point this weekend, and he said "well maybe Sunday", but of course, something came up, and he strung me along until about 9:30, and then he's busy Monday and I'm busy Tuesday. YOU LIVE 10 MINUTES FROM ME! Find a 50 minute break in your fucking day to come over and plow me!!!!
Okay rant over. But seriously, this can't keep going. I'm going to have to sit him down and explain that all the sweet talk and "I'm so lucky" and "I miss you's" and staring into my eyes until I look away feeling awkward need to end. I'm fine with this being pure and simple sex, but it really fucks with my head when he starts to say/do that shit. I'm obvious looking for something better so I can drop him, but I'm just not willing to fall back into the dark cave of celibacy and one night stands.
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