Sitting at home in CT with my brother.
Brother: OOO..have you used blue screen?
Me: What?
Brother: Hand me your computer!
Me: Why?
Brother: Just let me see it!
Me: Fine.....(watches brother scrolling through applications). NO REALLY, what are you doing?
Brother: Opening up Photobooth.
Me: So, seriously.....do not open photobooth.
Brother: (Pauses)....hands me computer back...runs away.
I really need to clear up all these naughty pics and videos..they get me into nothing but trouble.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
And the voice of KP rings through my ears
"Fuck Klapper...he suuuucks"
So The Toddler came by tonight to "cook for me and teach me a new recipe". In reality we made fajitas with an Old El Paso seasoning packet. The gesture was sweet at least.
And then we watched football and just talked, which was actually very nice. Another super long date (6 hours) and the conversation was very natural and not forced. There was even some football cuddling on the couch. Awww.
So the last game ended and he leaned over and kissed me and from there we ended up having sex. I will give the boy points for eagerness - even I was impressed by the gusto with which he tore off my bra and went to town on me.
But.....the sex was...only okay. He was super quiet the whole time (huge turn-off), so much so that he came and I didn't realize it for a good 2-3 minutes.
Also, and more tragically, that spark just...isn't....there. He's so sweet and he treats me so much better than The Ex and The Klapper, and the conversations are great and natural, and we share so many common interests...but...I don't see him and want to rip his clothes off. I know I should give it more time and let things develop, but I felt that sexual passion and connection instantly before and I just...you know what I mean?
So, whatever, I'm glad that for now I can just let this whole thing simmer until I come back in January.
Also, in true Klapper fashion, he emailed me tonight. At least this time I thought "fuck him" and then went and fucked someone else. What's that...the sound of me backsliding into old habits? Oh fuck.
So The Toddler came by tonight to "cook for me and teach me a new recipe". In reality we made fajitas with an Old El Paso seasoning packet. The gesture was sweet at least.
And then we watched football and just talked, which was actually very nice. Another super long date (6 hours) and the conversation was very natural and not forced. There was even some football cuddling on the couch. Awww.
So the last game ended and he leaned over and kissed me and from there we ended up having sex. I will give the boy points for eagerness - even I was impressed by the gusto with which he tore off my bra and went to town on me.
But.....the sex was...only okay. He was super quiet the whole time (huge turn-off), so much so that he came and I didn't realize it for a good 2-3 minutes.
Also, and more tragically, that spark just...isn't....there. He's so sweet and he treats me so much better than The Ex and The Klapper, and the conversations are great and natural, and we share so many common interests...but...I don't see him and want to rip his clothes off. I know I should give it more time and let things develop, but I felt that sexual passion and connection instantly before and I just...you know what I mean?
So, whatever, I'm glad that for now I can just let this whole thing simmer until I come back in January.
Also, in true Klapper fashion, he emailed me tonight. At least this time I thought "fuck him" and then went and fucked someone else. What's that...the sound of me backsliding into old habits? Oh fuck.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Am I being too sensitive?
Sometimes I can't figure out if I am over-reacting or rightfully skeeved out by people.
Please read the following and tell me if you think this was inappropriate.
I went and got a massage today (at a spa, not on Craigslist..screw you Amanda for even asking ;) because my back was completely tweaked. Basically it hurt from the back of my neck to my calves..and I splurged on the 80 min (get 'er done) package.
My therapist was a perfectly nice, straight gentleman in his late 20's/early 30's I'm guessing. And overall he was very professional and I didn't feel at all uncomfortable. Yes I thought it was weird that his pants kept bumping into my open hand that he had positioned in some way on the table, but it's also gotta be hard as a man to really get through the knots in someone's back and also have to keep track of where your junk is.
Half-way through he asks me to flip over, so I flip and and he says "My God, you're gorgeous..." and sort of pauses for a moment and continues "you've got that massage flush face about you."
So at this point I ask the question - was that an appropriate compliment, or was it kind of gross.
I always assume with this type of thing that they see me like a doctor viewing a patient, but then he says this and I think "oh, or maybe he's seeing me like a fully naked chick lying on her back on the table who has what looks like a sexy post-orgasm face flush".
Please bear in mind that I am full on naked, and he has been kneading and twisting my ass and the joints around my hips and upper thighs (because obviously what is broken on me is my ass)...so this isn't just like he's been rubbing his hands along my upper-back.
Anyway, it's totally fine, I simply took it as a compliment and tried to put it out of my head..but I still ask the question of was this kinda skeevy?
Please read the following and tell me if you think this was inappropriate.
I went and got a massage today (at a spa, not on Craigslist..screw you Amanda for even asking ;) because my back was completely tweaked. Basically it hurt from the back of my neck to my calves..and I splurged on the 80 min (get 'er done) package.
My therapist was a perfectly nice, straight gentleman in his late 20's/early 30's I'm guessing. And overall he was very professional and I didn't feel at all uncomfortable. Yes I thought it was weird that his pants kept bumping into my open hand that he had positioned in some way on the table, but it's also gotta be hard as a man to really get through the knots in someone's back and also have to keep track of where your junk is.
Half-way through he asks me to flip over, so I flip and and he says "My God, you're gorgeous..." and sort of pauses for a moment and continues "you've got that massage flush face about you."
So at this point I ask the question - was that an appropriate compliment, or was it kind of gross.
I always assume with this type of thing that they see me like a doctor viewing a patient, but then he says this and I think "oh, or maybe he's seeing me like a fully naked chick lying on her back on the table who has what looks like a sexy post-orgasm face flush".
Please bear in mind that I am full on naked, and he has been kneading and twisting my ass and the joints around my hips and upper thighs (because obviously what is broken on me is my ass)...so this isn't just like he's been rubbing his hands along my upper-back.
Anyway, it's totally fine, I simply took it as a compliment and tried to put it out of my head..but I still ask the question of was this kinda skeevy?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Too many men
Last I updated, I was headed out on my 2nd date with the 22 year old law school student who I am naming The Toddler (it's probably not appropriate, but it stuck in my mind...).
We actually had a lovely date - met at 6 pm for Indian food, talked forever until they subtly told us to leave, and then he was adorable in trying to find a reason for us to stay out, so we went to Canoe Club and had nice warm drinks and continued chatting until 11 pm or so. I think I'm starting to like this chap. The conversation is easy. He's cute. He loves IPAs and hates tomatoes as much as I do. I also poked some fun at him about the goodnight hug and I loved that we could laugh about it. I also got a much better makeout session at the end of the night.
One hilarious moment of note, we were talking about my dominatrix work, sex parties, etc...and he had some questions about the dom work that we talked about very openly and honestly. Afterwards I was like "I'm glad that doesn't bother you, in truth, most guys are usually pretty excited about it but aren't actually okay with it..."
And bless his little heart he said "Well, that's probably because most guys think 'Oh awesome, she's probably easy and sleeps with anyone'..but of course, I can tell you're not like that at all."
A-fucking-dorable. I so appreciate that he thinks I'm not a slut, even though I kind of am and was not having sex with him because I'm trying to sort out the other men in my life.
So now we are entering an issue of do I sleep with him? He asked if he could come over Sunday night and cook me dinner, which is adorable....and so beyond what The Klapper would ever offer to do for me. The problems: (1) there is that pesky Klapper, who I did say I would remain faithful to until we figure out what we're doing come January. (2) I think The Toddler is a bit on the innocent side sexually (see above terrible reading of my sexual promiscuity). I think it could be fun to do a little corrupting, but I think it would be unfair to sleep with him once before we leave for winter break, and then we come back and I dump him or something. Whatever, I guess I'll just have to feel out the situation Sunday.
And there is also Splenda Daddy. He was pushing for some sexytime real hard this week, so I lied and said I was leaving town today for D.C. Little lie...oh well. I'm sure it's not like he's missing out on other opportunities because he's waiting on me.
AND then there is The Klapper. I had decided to reblock him on gchat that night, and so of course he gchatted me to tell me that as he was hiking up Machu Picchu, all he could think about is how I should be there with him and how much he misses me. Oh, and to send me a picture he took because he knew I would find it funny...which I did.
Enter punch in stomach - I need to get over him, but I just can't until we have closure. 99.9% of me knows we're never going to work, and that he's going to come back and explain that he's not willing to treat me like a human being...but its that stupid 0.1% that nags at me.
So that's what's up. Super exciting weekend of babysitting planned..but I'll have updates about Sunday night for sure.
We actually had a lovely date - met at 6 pm for Indian food, talked forever until they subtly told us to leave, and then he was adorable in trying to find a reason for us to stay out, so we went to Canoe Club and had nice warm drinks and continued chatting until 11 pm or so. I think I'm starting to like this chap. The conversation is easy. He's cute. He loves IPAs and hates tomatoes as much as I do. I also poked some fun at him about the goodnight hug and I loved that we could laugh about it. I also got a much better makeout session at the end of the night.
One hilarious moment of note, we were talking about my dominatrix work, sex parties, etc...and he had some questions about the dom work that we talked about very openly and honestly. Afterwards I was like "I'm glad that doesn't bother you, in truth, most guys are usually pretty excited about it but aren't actually okay with it..."
And bless his little heart he said "Well, that's probably because most guys think 'Oh awesome, she's probably easy and sleeps with anyone'..but of course, I can tell you're not like that at all."
A-fucking-dorable. I so appreciate that he thinks I'm not a slut, even though I kind of am and was not having sex with him because I'm trying to sort out the other men in my life.
So now we are entering an issue of do I sleep with him? He asked if he could come over Sunday night and cook me dinner, which is adorable....and so beyond what The Klapper would ever offer to do for me. The problems: (1) there is that pesky Klapper, who I did say I would remain faithful to until we figure out what we're doing come January. (2) I think The Toddler is a bit on the innocent side sexually (see above terrible reading of my sexual promiscuity). I think it could be fun to do a little corrupting, but I think it would be unfair to sleep with him once before we leave for winter break, and then we come back and I dump him or something. Whatever, I guess I'll just have to feel out the situation Sunday.
And there is also Splenda Daddy. He was pushing for some sexytime real hard this week, so I lied and said I was leaving town today for D.C. Little lie...oh well. I'm sure it's not like he's missing out on other opportunities because he's waiting on me.
AND then there is The Klapper. I had decided to reblock him on gchat that night, and so of course he gchatted me to tell me that as he was hiking up Machu Picchu, all he could think about is how I should be there with him and how much he misses me. Oh, and to send me a picture he took because he knew I would find it funny...which I did.
Enter punch in stomach - I need to get over him, but I just can't until we have closure. 99.9% of me knows we're never going to work, and that he's going to come back and explain that he's not willing to treat me like a human being...but its that stupid 0.1% that nags at me.
So that's what's up. Super exciting weekend of babysitting planned..but I'll have updates about Sunday night for sure.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My slow and steady decline into prostitution
I wanted to update sooner than later since I know some of you were thinking "I wonder when I'll hear on the news about the promising Dartmouth graduate who was found chopped up in a suitcase?"
The date with Splenda Daddy was actually a lot of fun. He had said some creeper-ish things over email in the past, so I was nervous, but I got there and he was just a cool guy. Like a super normal 50 year-old father of two teenagers who liked music and art and talking about politics and joking around. He looked better than his picture also...in fact, he didn't look that different from Mr. Big (not Chris Noth, my Mr. Big from D.C.).
We had cocktails at the bar of a nice new hotel in Hanover (making it the 2nd hotel in Hanover..I KNOW!), and then after a few hours he told me he had a room upstairs and a bottle of champagne on ice. I made it quite clear that we would not be having sex tonight, but I love a good expensive champagne and the conversation had been flowing and I saw no reason not to.
We got up to his room and he kept it nice and mellow and relaxed. We kissed some..not quite making out, but we kissed a lot. He gave me a back rub (which was amazing given the amount of painkillers I'm currently downing for back pain), and he seemed fairly content just putting his hands on the inside of my thighs, or brushing the hair off my shoulders and running his hands along my collarbone, etc. Most of the time we were actually just talking.
As I had suspected, he isn't really a creeper, just a very sad man who recently divorced and wasn't sure how to move forward in his life. He had been married for 15 years, they divorced a year ago, and are working together to raise 2 kids. He said the first 7.5 years were great, but then his wife just lost all interest in having sex. He basically followed all of Dan Savages rules and tried so hard to get her interested again, and then finally said he needed to have sex in his life and wanted to stay married for the kids but wanted permission to go outside the marriage. And she said no. And so finally after 7 years of this, they got a divorce. He did tell me that he had been seeing someone in Colorado the last 2 years of his marriage, but I honestly don't fault him for that. I'm sure other stuff went wrong, he admitted that there were things he could have done differently, but when I asked him why he was hiring someone instead of just trying to date he said "after the divorce, I sort of don't think I'm worthy of love anymore."
Is that heartbreaking or what? God we know I'm such a sucker for a broken man.
So after an hour or so in his hotel room I decided it was time to leave, and he was completely okay with that.
Where does this leave things? I have no idea. I don't plan to see him again before I go home for break, so I have some time to decide. I also have another date with the 22 year old law student tonight, so I'm certainly feeling that out as well.
For now, I think I'll just continue emailing and not worry about it. Although that does mean getting things like this little gem he sent last night after I left: "Decided to go home afterall instead of staying at the hotel. Somehow it feels like I should be spooned up next to you stroking your collarbone."
Shudder, just typing that brought back a visceral/negative response. It's not that I'm not interested in pursuing this, but that is WAY too intimate for the time we shared together. I feel like this is a common issue I've had dating men who are divorced though - they really have no idea how to take things slow and be appropriate with intimacy-related issues.
Okay all for now, shall update on my date tonight soon.
Oh, and in case you're wondering - he bought the drinks, no money exchanged hands last night, and that felt correct to me.
The date with Splenda Daddy was actually a lot of fun. He had said some creeper-ish things over email in the past, so I was nervous, but I got there and he was just a cool guy. Like a super normal 50 year-old father of two teenagers who liked music and art and talking about politics and joking around. He looked better than his picture also...in fact, he didn't look that different from Mr. Big (not Chris Noth, my Mr. Big from D.C.).
We had cocktails at the bar of a nice new hotel in Hanover (making it the 2nd hotel in Hanover..I KNOW!), and then after a few hours he told me he had a room upstairs and a bottle of champagne on ice. I made it quite clear that we would not be having sex tonight, but I love a good expensive champagne and the conversation had been flowing and I saw no reason not to.
We got up to his room and he kept it nice and mellow and relaxed. We kissed some..not quite making out, but we kissed a lot. He gave me a back rub (which was amazing given the amount of painkillers I'm currently downing for back pain), and he seemed fairly content just putting his hands on the inside of my thighs, or brushing the hair off my shoulders and running his hands along my collarbone, etc. Most of the time we were actually just talking.
As I had suspected, he isn't really a creeper, just a very sad man who recently divorced and wasn't sure how to move forward in his life. He had been married for 15 years, they divorced a year ago, and are working together to raise 2 kids. He said the first 7.5 years were great, but then his wife just lost all interest in having sex. He basically followed all of Dan Savages rules and tried so hard to get her interested again, and then finally said he needed to have sex in his life and wanted to stay married for the kids but wanted permission to go outside the marriage. And she said no. And so finally after 7 years of this, they got a divorce. He did tell me that he had been seeing someone in Colorado the last 2 years of his marriage, but I honestly don't fault him for that. I'm sure other stuff went wrong, he admitted that there were things he could have done differently, but when I asked him why he was hiring someone instead of just trying to date he said "after the divorce, I sort of don't think I'm worthy of love anymore."
Is that heartbreaking or what? God we know I'm such a sucker for a broken man.
So after an hour or so in his hotel room I decided it was time to leave, and he was completely okay with that.
Where does this leave things? I have no idea. I don't plan to see him again before I go home for break, so I have some time to decide. I also have another date with the 22 year old law student tonight, so I'm certainly feeling that out as well.
For now, I think I'll just continue emailing and not worry about it. Although that does mean getting things like this little gem he sent last night after I left: "Decided to go home afterall instead of staying at the hotel. Somehow it feels like I should be spooned up next to you stroking your collarbone."
Shudder, just typing that brought back a visceral/negative response. It's not that I'm not interested in pursuing this, but that is WAY too intimate for the time we shared together. I feel like this is a common issue I've had dating men who are divorced though - they really have no idea how to take things slow and be appropriate with intimacy-related issues.
Okay all for now, shall update on my date tonight soon.
Oh, and in case you're wondering - he bought the drinks, no money exchanged hands last night, and that felt correct to me.
Monday, December 12, 2011
2 Wildly Different Dates
Okay so first, last week I totally got my grant in on time and finished grading for my class so I have met all the academic deadlines of 2011. Go. Fucking. Me. Now back to sexy stuff.
Date # 1 - this will probably be the most ridiculous thing I have written in a long time, I went out on a date with a 22 year old and it was actually really nice and I'm seeing him again. There. Did you read that? Can you believe it?!?! Now I will admit that 22 is completely absurd, but his profile said 23 and I was impressed through our email exchanges that he seemed to be the type of 22 year old who had actually lived a pretty interesting life and might be a little more grown up than a typical 22 year old man. Like me, he had worked since he was 14 and done a ton of odd jobs and seemed like a really motivated person, and after The Klapper I am realizing that adversity in one's life maybe is a good thing that is needed to build character. Oh, and he's getting a masters in law at a school in Vermont, and I really was impressed that he was smart enough to get a masters in something he wasn't sure about before jumping right into law school.
So anyway, we met for drinks around 5:30 on Friday. He was a little nervous, but once we broke the ice we had the easiest and most interesting conversations. We have a ton in common and I felt nice and comfortable around him. And he was cute and tall, which are both good things. After that we moved to another place to get a few more drinks, and then it ended with a walking tour of Dartmouth. He even put up with the fact that my drunk ass friends were hunting us in Hanover and trying to ruin our date (they found us but were so adorably drunk that it was fantastic).
The only issue is that his 22-ness did show up a few times. For example, he's still unsure what the fuck he is doing come August - maybe he'll stay here for law, or go back to NY, or join the PeaceCorps, or take over his family business. Now that is 100% appropriate at 22, but I think someone with a little more direction in their life would be nice. Also, he's a touch inexperienced relationship wise. He had a 1.5 year thing in college that was semi-serious, and no real indication of a lot of other experience. After I asked him to walk me to my car at the end of the night (he clearly was struggling at this point of the date), he had a look of complete panic when we got to my car. I have not seen that look in YEARS. So he hugged me and I said "seriously? Is that all I'm getting?". He laughed and we had a nice little makeout session. But still, it was adorable on one hand, but on the other hand, I need a fucking man ya know?
And just when you are thinking "oh, that seems pretty normal", I got home and saw an email from The Klapper from 8:30 pm. Subject: Where are you? Text: I miss you. I didn't respond. I woke up the next morning and saw an email from The Klapper from 4:30 am. Subject: Sad. Text: You're not here, and I miss you....and I'm sad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? How does he always seem to cosmically know when shit like this is going on in my life and pick that moment to not treat me like shit. FUCKING Klapper'd again.
I responded back with "I'm going to assume you were drunk last night?" And he of course was, though made a point to say "but that doesn't mean that isn't how I feel." Oh wonderful, thank you for the clarity.
Date # 2 - So Sugar Daddy (hereby named Splenda Daddy) and I are finally meeting up. Tonight. This is going to be a little strange because last week we had an email exchange that basically amounted to this:
Him: Come over TONIGHT. NOW. NOW.
Me: I cannot, it is snowing and I have 30 papers to grade.
Him: COME OVER NOW.
Me: Strange, still can't.
Him: I will pay you $500.
Me: Does not change the situation.
Him: I will pay you $900.
...now..please don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to get paid $900 to do something I love, but I am also not the kinda girl who goes to a random persons home she has never met and exchanges cash for sex. Even if it's a lot of cash.
So I told this to him, in the most polite but equally forceful way I could, and he felt a bit sheepish. I tried to get him to just commit to meeting me on Friday instead..and he basically was a little baby about it.
So we're meeting tonight and I'll see how it goes. I have NO intention of sleeping him tonight. Period. End of story. But, if we clicked then I can see no reason why this couldn't workout.
So, here is hoping it's either awesome or a complete shit show that I can write a good blog entry about.
Date # 1 - this will probably be the most ridiculous thing I have written in a long time, I went out on a date with a 22 year old and it was actually really nice and I'm seeing him again. There. Did you read that? Can you believe it?!?! Now I will admit that 22 is completely absurd, but his profile said 23 and I was impressed through our email exchanges that he seemed to be the type of 22 year old who had actually lived a pretty interesting life and might be a little more grown up than a typical 22 year old man. Like me, he had worked since he was 14 and done a ton of odd jobs and seemed like a really motivated person, and after The Klapper I am realizing that adversity in one's life maybe is a good thing that is needed to build character. Oh, and he's getting a masters in law at a school in Vermont, and I really was impressed that he was smart enough to get a masters in something he wasn't sure about before jumping right into law school.
So anyway, we met for drinks around 5:30 on Friday. He was a little nervous, but once we broke the ice we had the easiest and most interesting conversations. We have a ton in common and I felt nice and comfortable around him. And he was cute and tall, which are both good things. After that we moved to another place to get a few more drinks, and then it ended with a walking tour of Dartmouth. He even put up with the fact that my drunk ass friends were hunting us in Hanover and trying to ruin our date (they found us but were so adorably drunk that it was fantastic).
The only issue is that his 22-ness did show up a few times. For example, he's still unsure what the fuck he is doing come August - maybe he'll stay here for law, or go back to NY, or join the PeaceCorps, or take over his family business. Now that is 100% appropriate at 22, but I think someone with a little more direction in their life would be nice. Also, he's a touch inexperienced relationship wise. He had a 1.5 year thing in college that was semi-serious, and no real indication of a lot of other experience. After I asked him to walk me to my car at the end of the night (he clearly was struggling at this point of the date), he had a look of complete panic when we got to my car. I have not seen that look in YEARS. So he hugged me and I said "seriously? Is that all I'm getting?". He laughed and we had a nice little makeout session. But still, it was adorable on one hand, but on the other hand, I need a fucking man ya know?
And just when you are thinking "oh, that seems pretty normal", I got home and saw an email from The Klapper from 8:30 pm. Subject: Where are you? Text: I miss you. I didn't respond. I woke up the next morning and saw an email from The Klapper from 4:30 am. Subject: Sad. Text: You're not here, and I miss you....and I'm sad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? How does he always seem to cosmically know when shit like this is going on in my life and pick that moment to not treat me like shit. FUCKING Klapper'd again.
I responded back with "I'm going to assume you were drunk last night?" And he of course was, though made a point to say "but that doesn't mean that isn't how I feel." Oh wonderful, thank you for the clarity.
Date # 2 - So Sugar Daddy (hereby named Splenda Daddy) and I are finally meeting up. Tonight. This is going to be a little strange because last week we had an email exchange that basically amounted to this:
Him: Come over TONIGHT. NOW. NOW.
Me: I cannot, it is snowing and I have 30 papers to grade.
Him: COME OVER NOW.
Me: Strange, still can't.
Him: I will pay you $500.
Me: Does not change the situation.
Him: I will pay you $900.
...now..please don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to get paid $900 to do something I love, but I am also not the kinda girl who goes to a random persons home she has never met and exchanges cash for sex. Even if it's a lot of cash.
So I told this to him, in the most polite but equally forceful way I could, and he felt a bit sheepish. I tried to get him to just commit to meeting me on Friday instead..and he basically was a little baby about it.
So we're meeting tonight and I'll see how it goes. I have NO intention of sleeping him tonight. Period. End of story. But, if we clicked then I can see no reason why this couldn't workout.
So, here is hoping it's either awesome or a complete shit show that I can write a good blog entry about.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Why do I blog?
So somehow the trip to DC, and then the crushing workload, and going home for Thanksgiving and being sick all sort of stopped me from blogging. I thought about it, but always had something else that needed to be done. But Wednesday night I went on a terrible date with a charming little fellow I will nickname "Dick Text", and as we were joking about the day after, people began reminding me of other bad dates and sexual encounters that had someone slipped my mind. Like Motorcycle Dick, Homecoming Indian, and The Child...and then it occurred to me that I MUST keep up this blog, or I will never have a chance to look back at all the mistakes I made. So consider this a gigantic recap and me recommitting myself to blogging.
So the DC trip was fabulous. I got to spend some great time with Amanda, Matty, Megan, Evan, and even T. Neil. Yes T. Neil. I made sure to get in Thai Food, Zorba's, a Saturday night in Adam's Morgan, and a super chill evening watching Archer and smoking pot. Such a solid trip. There was something a bit more challenging about not having a boyfriend and home base, but I did the best I could living out of a bag and sleeping on couches. Academics wise, I also full-filled my conference mandate of meeting one new friend in my age cohort, and making sure I have a real/intelligent conversation with 2 important names in the field. I also received a massive compliment of someone thinking I was a 6th year graduate student, and an adorable research assistant at NIH asking "Hey...how did you get to where you are in life?" Adorable.
So I got back and I have this INSANE grant that is due on Tuesday that has been just terrible. It's bad enough that faculty members see me in the hall and sort of give me a reassuring look and say "good for you, this is a real accomplishment". I won't go on about that, but the stress of all the travel and this on my shoulders definitely caused me to come down with something massive for the entirety of Thanksgiving break and it has stayed with me.
But Thanksgiving was great all things considered - my brother actually seems to think his family is acceptable now, and we sat around eating yummy food and watching 30 Rock the whole time. I also got to fit in more Megan time and grab coffee with MaryKate.
And now I'm back and babysitting (hence the Friday night blogging) and just trying to get through this final assignment and my grading for the term. And then, mark my words, I am taking a break.
Ah yes, you must be thinking "so she went on a date, did she dump The Klapper?" Well no, obviously that would be too sensible. Allow me to explain....
We've all known that things were coming to a boil on that, and him being away for 6 weeks was weighing heavily on my mind. So he decided to stay an extra weekend (NOT FOR ME..don't even think such nonsense) and we had plans to have a really sweet, romantic going away dinner on Monday. BUT on Sunday night he told me he was tutoring until 9 pm and then there was a birthday party thing he needed to go to. Whose party? A guy he met the weekend before. So.......cue furious/incredibly hurt ranting pissed off telling him where he can stick it phone tirade. And the worst part was, he absolutely understood how bad this hurt me (I believe I said that I could not even come up with a more ridiculous reason to ditch me than a cupcake party in a dorm for a guy he met a week ago). But as with these things, it always turns into one of those tender conversations where he explains that he really does want to be with me but can't stomach the idea of a long distance thing and doesn't want to let down his walls enough for it to really hurt him when we part. And the thing is, as much of a dick as he is, I do understand that logic. I think we are really a great match when he does momentarily let his guard down, and I think he could be a great boyfriend when his heart is in it. But the fact remains that WE CANNOT KEEP DOING THIS. I'm going to repeat that for myself - WE CANNOT KEEP DOING WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING.
So I laid it out clearly for him - he has 6 weeks off from me, his job is to figure out if he thinks incorporating me into his life and dealing with a year of distance is worse then me being out of his life forever. It came as some surprise to him that we can't just "do what we're doing" now and when I come to NYC we can try it for real. And I believe strongly that any man I am supposed to be with should not be able to fathom the idea of giving me up for a year. So that is his job and he understands that when he is back in January I need an answer.....and he also knows to avoid me around New Years because I am still BITTER pissed that all his plans fell through but I'm still NOT an acceptable option for him on New Years. Fucker.
But what about this date you say? So, I think there is a real good chance that The Klapper is not going to realize he's a fucker and isn't going to be willing to commit to me, so I need to prepare myself mentally for being back in the dating game. It's too easy for me to just let him keep sliding because I'm afraid of being single / sexless. So Wednesday night I called The Klapper and let him know that as part of my 6 weeks I needed to go on some dates, and I have no intentions of doing anything sexual with these men (I am no longer a cheater, and that is important to me), and I didn't feel right doing it without him knowing. He actually took it kinda hard, and seemed pretty sad, and asked me not to "fall in love with any of them" (he said this seriously without any hint of irony) and to please not write him off yet.
So that night I went on a date with Dick Text. He is a giant 6'3" black man who looked a bit worse for the wear for his 29 years in this world, but I liked his personality over okcupid emails, and I needed to try to get back into dating. So we sit down at a nice Irish pub and he orders a Smirnoff Ice. Oh shit, big red flag. Plus..he was wearing a Bob Marley shirt and a zip-up sweatshirt that he had put some colored electrical tape stripes on. I mean, it's fine, just not all that impressive for a first date. So within 5 minutes of meeting he said the following "I know what you're thinking - you can't wait for this guy to take you back to his place and fuck you." Um, pardon? Now let's be real, there is likely few girls on this earth, ESPECIALLY in NH who are more inclined to discuss sex than men, but seriously? I still trying to tackle the pronunciation of your name. Plus, do not tell ME what I want, if I want to go home and ride your sweet cock you will damn sure know it.
Obviously at this point I had discounted him as a potential connection. So we chatted for another 2 hours or so (the last 30 of which we were held hostage by the most pitiful 50+ dredge of society woman that I've seen yet in NH who was complaining that her 65 year old on-again off-again boyfriend kicked her out after shining her boots because he was too tired to have sex), and I actually did enjoy his company as a friend, but was insanely turned off by the fact that every 10 minutes or so he suggested how we should be fucking.
I got home and he sent me a bunch of texts, to the point that I had to say "Hey, I don't have a texting plan so please just send me emails". His response? "Well that's too bad, I was just going to send you a picture of the thing you wish you were riding right now :)"........
Me: "Yes I agree I need a better texting plan, no I do not need a picture of your dick." I cannot TELL You how many times I have to utter that sentiment on a daily basis.
So he sent more emails which I basically ignored, and last night I sent him a little email explaining why I didn't want to see him. I sent it around and everyone agreed it was actually rather sweet and light-hearted, but definitely got across the behaviors that had turned me off from seeing him again. My friend said I am doing the Lord's work by saving womankind from these men who act like this or have no idea where the clitoris is (See The Child entries).
But I will say this - I had a lot more fun telling a bad date story then telling my usual story about how The Klapper picked (insert anything) over spending time with me.
So I'll keep y'all updated on things. The Klapper and I have actually chatted just about every night, we even had a 5 hour conversation last Saturday because I was home sick and he was exhausted - and it was really nice to talk to him without this giant "WHAT ARE WE?" question on my mind. In my heart of hearts, I really do think that he cares and thinks that I'm the one for him, but I don't think he's ever going to give up his independence.
So the DC trip was fabulous. I got to spend some great time with Amanda, Matty, Megan, Evan, and even T. Neil. Yes T. Neil. I made sure to get in Thai Food, Zorba's, a Saturday night in Adam's Morgan, and a super chill evening watching Archer and smoking pot. Such a solid trip. There was something a bit more challenging about not having a boyfriend and home base, but I did the best I could living out of a bag and sleeping on couches. Academics wise, I also full-filled my conference mandate of meeting one new friend in my age cohort, and making sure I have a real/intelligent conversation with 2 important names in the field. I also received a massive compliment of someone thinking I was a 6th year graduate student, and an adorable research assistant at NIH asking "Hey...how did you get to where you are in life?" Adorable.
So I got back and I have this INSANE grant that is due on Tuesday that has been just terrible. It's bad enough that faculty members see me in the hall and sort of give me a reassuring look and say "good for you, this is a real accomplishment". I won't go on about that, but the stress of all the travel and this on my shoulders definitely caused me to come down with something massive for the entirety of Thanksgiving break and it has stayed with me.
But Thanksgiving was great all things considered - my brother actually seems to think his family is acceptable now, and we sat around eating yummy food and watching 30 Rock the whole time. I also got to fit in more Megan time and grab coffee with MaryKate.
And now I'm back and babysitting (hence the Friday night blogging) and just trying to get through this final assignment and my grading for the term. And then, mark my words, I am taking a break.
Ah yes, you must be thinking "so she went on a date, did she dump The Klapper?" Well no, obviously that would be too sensible. Allow me to explain....
We've all known that things were coming to a boil on that, and him being away for 6 weeks was weighing heavily on my mind. So he decided to stay an extra weekend (NOT FOR ME..don't even think such nonsense) and we had plans to have a really sweet, romantic going away dinner on Monday. BUT on Sunday night he told me he was tutoring until 9 pm and then there was a birthday party thing he needed to go to. Whose party? A guy he met the weekend before. So.......cue furious/incredibly hurt ranting pissed off telling him where he can stick it phone tirade. And the worst part was, he absolutely understood how bad this hurt me (I believe I said that I could not even come up with a more ridiculous reason to ditch me than a cupcake party in a dorm for a guy he met a week ago). But as with these things, it always turns into one of those tender conversations where he explains that he really does want to be with me but can't stomach the idea of a long distance thing and doesn't want to let down his walls enough for it to really hurt him when we part. And the thing is, as much of a dick as he is, I do understand that logic. I think we are really a great match when he does momentarily let his guard down, and I think he could be a great boyfriend when his heart is in it. But the fact remains that WE CANNOT KEEP DOING THIS. I'm going to repeat that for myself - WE CANNOT KEEP DOING WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING.
So I laid it out clearly for him - he has 6 weeks off from me, his job is to figure out if he thinks incorporating me into his life and dealing with a year of distance is worse then me being out of his life forever. It came as some surprise to him that we can't just "do what we're doing" now and when I come to NYC we can try it for real. And I believe strongly that any man I am supposed to be with should not be able to fathom the idea of giving me up for a year. So that is his job and he understands that when he is back in January I need an answer.....and he also knows to avoid me around New Years because I am still BITTER pissed that all his plans fell through but I'm still NOT an acceptable option for him on New Years. Fucker.
But what about this date you say? So, I think there is a real good chance that The Klapper is not going to realize he's a fucker and isn't going to be willing to commit to me, so I need to prepare myself mentally for being back in the dating game. It's too easy for me to just let him keep sliding because I'm afraid of being single / sexless. So Wednesday night I called The Klapper and let him know that as part of my 6 weeks I needed to go on some dates, and I have no intentions of doing anything sexual with these men (I am no longer a cheater, and that is important to me), and I didn't feel right doing it without him knowing. He actually took it kinda hard, and seemed pretty sad, and asked me not to "fall in love with any of them" (he said this seriously without any hint of irony) and to please not write him off yet.
So that night I went on a date with Dick Text. He is a giant 6'3" black man who looked a bit worse for the wear for his 29 years in this world, but I liked his personality over okcupid emails, and I needed to try to get back into dating. So we sit down at a nice Irish pub and he orders a Smirnoff Ice. Oh shit, big red flag. Plus..he was wearing a Bob Marley shirt and a zip-up sweatshirt that he had put some colored electrical tape stripes on. I mean, it's fine, just not all that impressive for a first date. So within 5 minutes of meeting he said the following "I know what you're thinking - you can't wait for this guy to take you back to his place and fuck you." Um, pardon? Now let's be real, there is likely few girls on this earth, ESPECIALLY in NH who are more inclined to discuss sex than men, but seriously? I still trying to tackle the pronunciation of your name. Plus, do not tell ME what I want, if I want to go home and ride your sweet cock you will damn sure know it.
Obviously at this point I had discounted him as a potential connection. So we chatted for another 2 hours or so (the last 30 of which we were held hostage by the most pitiful 50+ dredge of society woman that I've seen yet in NH who was complaining that her 65 year old on-again off-again boyfriend kicked her out after shining her boots because he was too tired to have sex), and I actually did enjoy his company as a friend, but was insanely turned off by the fact that every 10 minutes or so he suggested how we should be fucking.
I got home and he sent me a bunch of texts, to the point that I had to say "Hey, I don't have a texting plan so please just send me emails". His response? "Well that's too bad, I was just going to send you a picture of the thing you wish you were riding right now :)"........
Me: "Yes I agree I need a better texting plan, no I do not need a picture of your dick." I cannot TELL You how many times I have to utter that sentiment on a daily basis.
So he sent more emails which I basically ignored, and last night I sent him a little email explaining why I didn't want to see him. I sent it around and everyone agreed it was actually rather sweet and light-hearted, but definitely got across the behaviors that had turned me off from seeing him again. My friend said I am doing the Lord's work by saving womankind from these men who act like this or have no idea where the clitoris is (See The Child entries).
But I will say this - I had a lot more fun telling a bad date story then telling my usual story about how The Klapper picked (insert anything) over spending time with me.
So I'll keep y'all updated on things. The Klapper and I have actually chatted just about every night, we even had a 5 hour conversation last Saturday because I was home sick and he was exhausted - and it was really nice to talk to him without this giant "WHAT ARE WE?" question on my mind. In my heart of hearts, I really do think that he cares and thinks that I'm the one for him, but I don't think he's ever going to give up his independence.
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